PureInsight | October 21, 2006
[PureInsight.org] (San Diego Fahui 2006)
The past few months have been very intense for me in regards to my
personal cultivation. I have had numerous attachments surface and have
realized many of my shortcomings. I'd like to go over what I've learned.
One major attachment which I have been struggling with for a long time
now is my dislike of intolerance from others. I've had a few incidents
where random people would shout at me things like, "you need to find
Jesus" or I would have disagreements with someone, or I'd get into
heated debates with people. Afterwards, my mind would be disturbed for
weeks or even longer. I would keep thinking in my mind what I could
have said to them, I would continue to debate with them in my mind and
I would never find closure.
Master said in Chapter 7 of Zhuan Falun, "The human mind can create a
false impression and illusion that later can indeed become a concept or
false impression that smoking does refresh oneself."
By going over the situations in my mind and thinking of what I could
have said or should have said, I was hoping to find peace with these
conflicts, when in fact, I was actually going in the opposite direction
and was only making myself more angry and more attached to these
conflicts.
In Chapter 4 of Zhuan Falun, Master also said, "As practitioners, you
will suddenly come across conflicts. What should you do? You should
always maintain a heart of compassion and kindness. Then when you run
into a problem, you will do well because it gives you room to buffer
the confrontation."
I realized that if I wanted to do well the next time I ran into this
sort of conflict, constantly trying to find the right things to say in
my mind was not the answer, but rather, by having a calm mind and by
also being tolerant of their beliefs, treating them in the way which I
would like them to treat me. In my heart I had anger towards them. I
felt like they were attacking my beliefs and were being hypocritical.
But by having these feelings, I was also not living according to the
standards of Dafa. I was being intolerant of intolerance, and was not
thinking of helping them, but rather about fighting them. I realized
that I expect others to conform to my beliefs and my way of thinking. I
think that what I think is correct and sometimes don't want to hear
what others have to say.
In Chapter 9 of Zhuan Falun, Master mentioned the story of Han Xin
crawling between someone's legs. Having a sword, he could have easily
killed the ruffian, but instead humbled himself and crawled between his
legs. Being Dafa practitioners, I feel that we carry a great sword of
truth which is capable of destroying all lies and evils; I was using
the wisdom of Dafa to challenge other's beliefs. But in doing so, I was
going the opposite way from Zhen Shan Ren. Master has said that we have
to be able to recognize the Fa from the Fa (not his exact words). I was
only focusing on the higher truths and wisdom which Dafa can bring
about, and was disregarding my own xinxing, disregarding Zhen Shan Ren.
I realized that when interacting with others I need to speak and act in
line with the Fa, rather than speaking from the outside of the Fa while
pointing at it. I need to show others the beauty of Dafa through my
actions, with compassion and tolerance.
Another shortcoming I've found recently is my being too engrossed. For
example: When I go home I tend to have minimal interaction with my
family and just want to study and practice. Sometimes if I saw that the
trash can was full and needed to be taken out, I would not take it out,
thinking that I don't have time because I need to study.
This was also reflected in my work. I work as a salesperson and make
phone calls. I would make a lot of calls and send samples to people to
try, but I rarely got any sales. I did very poorly in my work. I never
thought much of it and didn't think it was my fault – thinking that the
work was just difficult.
It wasn't until another practitioner pointed out my shortcoming that I
realized what I need to improve. He mentioned something which Master
had said, I don't remember the exact words, but it was along the lines
of, "You must start by being a good person." It was then that I saw
that I have not been playing the role of a grandchild, the role of a
nephew, the role of a cousin, or the role of an employee.
In my work I just make more and more calls but don't get sales. Just
like that, I study and practice, but don't upgrade my xinxing. I tend
to ignore others and the outside world and just focus on me. I realize
now how selfish I have been.
I just want to mention one last thing. While driving on the road
recently, I was trying to switch lanes, but the car next to me wouldn't
let me over. I tried speeding up to go in front of him, but it was no
use as the other driver still wouldn't let me over. Then I slowed down,
let him drive past, and then I was able to get over. I felt that was
very symbolic. I was looking at the other driver, expecting him to slow
down and let me over. But I was just as capable of slowing down myself
so that I could get over.
I try to push and push at my attachments to get rid of them, I think
about conflicts in an attempt to overcome them, and I try to find a way
out of attachments by looking inside the attachments themselves. I
realize that I look at the mistakes of others before looking at myself,
I try to correct others, rather than correcting myself.
I am grateful to Teacher that I have been shown these attachments so
that I can improve myself and walk better the path of cultivation.
