PureInsight | January 23, 2025
[PureInsight.org] I obtained the Fa in 1998 and have been cultivating for 26 years. I felt that I have let go of most attachments fairly well, but I have always struggled to let go of my attachment to my daughter. This has allowed the old forces to repeatedly exploit the gaps, and for a period of time, my daughter developed negative views about Dafa. As a result, she has not been able to step into Dafa over the years, and we have had several conflicts between us. This has added many tribulations to my cultivation path. Today, I am sharing the story between my daughter and I during my cultivation with fellow practitioners.
When I first obtained the Fa, there was an incident with my daughter who was in high school at the time. During a school break, she asked me to go shopping for a small electric fan with her. I was preparing lunch and said, "I don't have time. Here's some money, you can go buy it yourself." However, she didn't listen and insisted that I go with her. I was so angry that I said a few harsh words to her. She was upset afterward and often had conflict with me. Back then, I was new to practicing the Fa and didn't know how to look inward to cultivate myself. Instead, I focused solely on my daughter's problems that gave the old forces an opportunity to interfere. A perfectly healthy tooth of mine began to ache. Since it hurt continuously for a week, I eventually had to have it pulled out in the hospital. However, the situation wasn't that simple—the dentist removed one of my healthy teeth, while the tooth that had been hurting at the time is still fine to this day. Even after this, I still couldn't look inward to cultivate myself. I continued to believe that it was my daughter's fault, which caused my toothache and led to the healthy tooth being pulled. It also caused me to develop a sense of resentment toward her. Whenever my teeth were uncomfortable, I would think back to the conflict with my daughter, and naturally, feelings of resentment would arise in my heart.
For more than twenty years, my daughter and I have been in a cold war. I tried to speak to her as little as possible to avoid unnecessary conflicts. When it came to looking for a boyfriend, which was a major life decision, she didn’t seek the consent of her father or me. She made the decision on her own, brought her boyfriend home, and got married shortly afterward.
In 2012, when my daughter had a baby, my husband and I took care of the child for three years. Most of the food, supplies, and things for the baby were paid for by me. Almost all of our income was used on these things. However, my daughter became increasingly disrespectful toward me, and eventually, she outright asked her mother-in-law to take over caring for the child. Then we packed our things and went back to our hometown. I remembered the morning we left, my daughter didn’t even say goodbye to us. I left her house with tears in my eyes. At that moment, I thought, "I don’t want to come back to my daughter’s house ever again." Deep down, my resentment toward her grew even stronger.
I haven’t visited my daughter for four years after I left. In 2018, when she was pregnant and couldn’t return to her hometown, she asked my husband and me to stay at her place for a month. We didn’t hesitate, bought many things, and drove to her home. It took us two days and one night to drive to her home because of the heavy fog. We finally arrived at her house at around 10 p.m.. It was New Year's Day, and we hadn’t eaten for over ten hours. But when we got to her house, my daughter and granddaughter were still out watching a movie, and there was only a small amount of leftover chives and dough from dumplings they had. We’d have to make the dumplings ourselves if we wanted to eat. I ate some food with my belly full of anger. But the next morning, my daughter threw a big tantrum, causing everyone to part on bad terms. The ice thickened once again, and I thought, “Don't even think about inviting us to your house again.”
In 2019, my daughter got a new house. Normally, we should visit her, but we didn’t because of my dissatisfaction with her. The relationship between our two families became increasingly distant. My daughter rarely called home unless there was something important, and when she did, she only talked to her father, hardly ever speaking to me unless necessary. I remembered there was a time when we went over four months without a single phone call or word. As a result, the tension between my daughter and I grew, and the emotional ice between us thickened.
However, nothing happened by chance. Just as our relationship was continuing to strain, my husband got ill last May, and we both went to my daughter’s home. When my husband was in the hospital, my daughter didn’t even offer a single polite word in twenty two days. Although she occasionally helped care for her father, she only came to the hospital two or three times in those twenty-two days. I was left to handle everything on my own.
After my husband was discharged from the hospital, I had to take care of him—attending to his daily needs, doing laundry, cooking, mopping the floor, and cleaning. Whenever something wasn’t done well, my daughter would speak coldly, and we often ended up unhappy over small matters. When my husband was bedridden, I was the only one taking care of him, washing him several times a day, turning him over by myself to clean him. My daughter never did it. Sometimes, I couldn’t help my husband sit up to eat and had to let him eat while half-lying down. Later, when my daughter saw how hard it was for me, she suggested hiring someone to help. But I thought, “You are his daughter, can’t you lend a hand?” However, she insisted on hiring someone. I told her, "It's not about the money issue. You see, a woman wouldn’t be suitable to take care of your Dad; and a man would be not safe since your father isn’t fully aware of things anymore, especially when you aren’t home." In the end, my daughter gave up the idea. It was the National holiday during my husband’s last few days. My daughter stayed home and helped care for him for three days. Shortly after, my husband passed away.
During that half year, my daughter and I experienced many emotional clashes. Each time, I looked inward, finding many attachments and sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate them. But the results weren’t very significant. Especially in the past six months after my husband’s death, we had several more conflicts which left me feeling deeply hurt. Recently, through memorizing the Fa and studying Master’s new lectures, I had a sudden awakening. I reflected on the series of conflicts between my daughter and I over the past few years—why did my daughter cause me so much pain? Then, I suddenly understood: the feelings of suffering and pain I experienced were all due to emotional attachments. The deeper the pain was, the stronger the attachment was. If there were no emotional attachment, why did I feel so hurt? When I look at others' situations, why didn’t I feel that kind of pain? Wasn’t it an expression of my emotional attachment to my daughter?
Because I’ve never been able to let go of my attachment to my daughter, she has caused me a lot of hardships in my cultivation over the past twenty years. She went from not opposing my truth clarification and saving people to actively preventing me from doing so. She even opposed me telling her daughter that “Dafa is good”; wouldn’t let her daughter recite the nine sacred words, and completely forbade her daughter from practicing Dafa. My daughter, who once deeply believed in Dafa, also started to lose faith. Fortunately, my daughter still had a connection with Dafa. When I started practicing, she had already read Zhuan Falun multiple times. Master has always watched over her, and even in today’s world of declining morals, she has been able to follow the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance, and live by these principles in her life.
In the past six months, through memorizing the Fa, improving myself, and looking inward to cultivate, I realized that I indeed had strong emotional attachments to my daughter. This attachment to family ties, especially to my daughter, was a powerful obsession and bond. How could I hope to cultivate successfully with such a strong attachment? In the end, it only harmed both oneself and others. After coming to this realization, I made a firm decision to work on it. I started sending forth righteous thoughts to view this attachment lightly and dissolve it. Whenever I had free time, I would silently recite to dissolve my emotional attachment to my daughter. After some time, I felt that this attachment had significantly lessened. I continued persisting, and after more than half a year, my relationship with my daughter became much more harmonious and peaceful. I no longer had the constant worry and emotional attachment toward her that I once had, nor did I harbor resentment or feelings of superiority. Instead, I now have more gentleness, patience, and compassion.
Through this half-year process of eliminating my attachment to my daughter, I truly realized that once the emotional attachments were gone, compassion naturally took their place. Compassion and emotion were like the relationship between virtue and karma: “When karma is removed, virtue fills its place. In the same way, when emotion is eliminated, compassion fills the gap.” I didn’t deliberately try to change myself; everything happened naturally. Now, no matter what happens, I patiently listen to my daughter without interrupting or contradicting her. I gently express my opinions, no longer trying to impose my views on others or change them from a self-centered, CCP Party-culture mindset. I consider others first, and my daughter has noticed this. Our relationship has truly become harmonious, and the emotional ice that had been there for over twenty years has finally begun to melt. I am deeply grateful for Master's compassionate teachings. I no longer struggle with myself or cling to attachments.
By letting go, I have seen my daughter’s change. She now genuinely cares about me and has returned to how she was twenty years ago, displaying innocence and kindness. Our family now lives in harmony. My grandson recites Lunyu every day and follows the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance in his behavior. This has helped me truly understand that cultivating myself well is a way of saving sentient beings!
The above is my personal experience. If there is anything inappropriate, I hope fellow practitioners can kindly correct them with compassion.
Chinese version: https://www.zhengjian.org/node/292856
