PureInsight | November 26, 2006
[PureInsight.org] (New England Fahui 2006)
I would like to share with you some of my experiences in overcoming a
physical tribulation, my attachment to fear, and my ongoing battle
against the demon of lust. When the Manhattan project began, I was
responsible to set up the torture display and take it down at the end
of the day. A few weeks into the project it was nearing the end of the
day, and I started to take down the exhibit with the other
practitioners on sight. I was trying to mount something together with a
bungee cord, and I had extended the cord to its full capacity, when it
suddenly slipped out of my hand and the metal hook on the end of the
cord hit me directly in the tianmu (third eye). I had not experienced
this kind of pain for as long as I could remember. I immediately pulled
back and covered my face with my hands, as everything in front of my
eyes turned white. I immediately remembered what out Master says in Zhuan Falun about how the single thought at the moment you encounter a tribulation will determine the outcome (paraphrasing) In Zhuan Falun,
Master says, "We have said that good or evil comes from a person's
spontaneous thought, and the thought at that moment can bring about
different consequences."
So at that moment I totally blocked out any pain I felt and tried to
continue about my business. However there was one problem. Even though
the metal piece at the end of the cord hit me in the tianmu (third
eye), for some unexplainable reason I was now blinded in my two flesh
eyes. At that moment I had about a million thoughts running through my
head. The biggest attachment that surfaced was the attachment of fear.
I knew that this was going to be a huge test for me and that my
righteous thoughts were going to have to be very strong in order for me
to get past this tribulation.
I alerted some of the practitioners on site with me that I had lost my
vision. So they asked the other practioners with us to stop packing for
a moment and sit down on the sidewalk to send forth righteous thoughts.
We all sat on the ground and sent righteous thoughts together. After
sending righteous thoughts, I was still unable to see. At this point I
started to realize that this was probably my own problem and I needed
to look inside and find my attachments.
At this point we were finished packing and it was time to leave. I was
not able to drive, so another practitioner offered to drive to the
location where we store all of our things for the torture exhibit.
During the ride from Manhattan to Queens I had many thoughts racing
through my mind and I knew that how I regarded these thoughts was going
to be very crucial. I started to think of all the things that I
wouldn't be able to do, that I take for granted in my day-to-day life.
Like; walking across the street by yourself, reading the book, cooking,
and so on. I started to think of all the negative possibilities and
things I would no longer be able to do on my own, then I realized that
this was definitely not Master's arrangement. Impairing me from doing
the three things that a Dafa Disciple is supposed to do must be evil.
So I recognized this as the old forces' arrangement and began to negate
it. I started to say to myself, "Ok, if I can not see, that's fine, I
can still do the three things Master has asked us to do. Sending
righteous thoughts I can do as usual. If I can not read the book, I can
listen to the Fa and I will still make phone calls to clarify the
truth."
And as the bad thoughts of fear started to come into my mind, I would
immediately push them away, and not indulge them in any way. Gradually
I started to regain vision in one of my eyes.
I reached my house and realized that, though I had regained vision in
one eye, there was still a problem inside of me in order for this to
have happened. So I began to reflect and look inside. I realized that I
have a strong attachment to the demon of lust, and that I use my eyes
to indulge this filthy attachment. So I decided to do the sitting
meditation and when I finished I regained full vision in both of eyes.
That day I was able to find my attachment to Lust, but the question of
whether I have been able to rectify this problem in my heart is another
story. Because of my attachments to fear, fear of how other
practitioners may look at me, fear of losing reputation, and ego, I
have been reluctant to talk about this hidden attachment. There have
been times when I did not regard myself as a Dafa disciple and did
things a practitioner should not do. In the past when I was struggling
with this or made some mistakes in my cultivation in this regard I
would only share it with a few practitioners who I felt comfortable
with. But in reality I was still concealing this attachment with impure
motives. So I would like to take this chance to expose this very bad
attachment to lust with my fellow practitioners, vow to do better in
this regard and not continue to take Master's mercy for granted.
In regards to the attachment of fear, Master said in his article
"Pass the Deadly Test," "Fear can cause one to make mistakes, and fear
can cause one to lose a predestined opportunity. Fear is a death trap
on a human being's journey toward divinity. You have made huge mistakes
because of it already, and yet now that you want to correct them you
are afraid of people finding out about them. Cultivation is a serious
matter. If you keep harboring fears like this, when are you going to
stop being held back by fear? To those students in particular who have
been covering up all of these things and have seemingly acted better
than most other students, if you don't let go of this attachment, stop
your sinful behavior, and get rid of your fears, then no matter how
many Dafa disciples' things you do, you are doing them to cover things
up. If you let go of these sins that you have been carrying around and
suppressing inside and you make your way back, then everything you do
will be clean and part of a Dafa disciple's cultivation."
A prominent attachment in my cultivation that I was oblivious to prior
to Master's article "Pass the Deadly Test" is the attachment to fear.
This attachment has seriously hindered the way I have gone about my
truth clarification work. I used to fear that people I clarify the
facts to about Falun Gong, already had negative thoughts about Falun
Gong because of the CCP's propaganda. And because of my attachments to
reputation and image, I would be afraid to be looked at in this manner.
Of course, I would still clarify the facts to people, but in my heart
there was this attachment to fear, which may project in another
dimension and have negative energy, and therefore make my truth
clarification not as effective. This same situation was present when I
was attempting to sell advertisements for the Epoch Times.
I had the underlying fear that the people I was approaching already
knew that the paper was affiliated with Falun Gong and if the question
were raised, how might I handle it? Instead of treating this with
righteous thoughts and feeling completely comfortable and confident
that this is the Great Fa of the cosmos that has created all Beings and
given all beings another chance to enter the future, I was interfered
with by my attachment to fear.
I was encouraged by a fellow practitioner, who is also my colleague at
work, when we had a local representative from another company stop by
our office. As soon as the guy entered the room, the practitioner asked
him without any reservation, "Hey, have you ever heard of Falun Gong?"
and he went on to explain about the evil CCP's persecution. The local
representative was very receptive and eager to bring back the
information to his wife, who is from Mainland China. It was a clear
example to me that when our righteous thoughts are strong, we can
control any situation. It is also an example of how we should not miss
any chances, as there are so many people we come into contact with on a
day-to-day basis. Sometimes I use the excuse or the notion that it is
not the right time, or it may seem strange if I bring it up then. But
if our righteous thoughts are strong and we truly use our wisdom
obtained from studying the Fa well, we will be able to use every
opportunity to save people.
I would like to finish with a quote from Master's article, "Teaching
the Fa at the 2003 Atlanta Fa Conference," "Saving beings should
permeate every single aspect of your daily lives at this time. If you
can all understand and really see its importance, I think you'll
probably save more beings. Now the world's people are gradually
becoming more clearheaded, and the impact of clarifying the truth right
now is even greater. The audience those evil beings have is getting
smaller and smaller, so you must understand this issue clearheadedly."
