PureInsight | October 21, 2006
[PureInsight.org] (San Diego Fahui 2006)
I have cultivated for a few years. I always think that I do not
cultivate well enough, so I am reluctant to write experience sharing
reports. Recently I read lots of Minghui articles mentioning writing experience reports is also a very good cultivation process. You will dig out your attachments.
Lately, I felt like I was under huge pressure. In fact, I didn't do
much Dafa work. Why I am under pressure? I found out that I have
slacked off, lowering the requirements for myself. Sometimes, I can't
get up to do the exercise. I just feel nothing. During Fa study, for a
long time I have been sleepy when studying the Fa. And nothing has
changed. As for truth clarification, that's worse. I didn't do three
things well. Why is that? I am attached to human comfort too much. Now
I am just like an ordinary person. After a day's work, I like to relax
and watch DVD's. However, weeks later, the computer I used to watch
DVD's broke. The motherboard was just dead. Now my attachments affected
my Dafa work. Nonetheless, I still don't want to look inward, covering
my own attachments. I don't want to face my attachments. All this was
from a word "self". Though I know some practitioners would communicate
with the computer and it went back to work. However, I didn't want to
do it because I was still holding my attachments. I don't want to send
righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil. So up till now, the computer
still doesn't work. I didn't look inward when there is a problem. It
just became worse.
I was always wondering what my strongest attachment is. I realized I
was so attached to everything related to myself. I always started with
my viewpoint in thinking and doing things. I started to do the exercise
because its miraculous healing effects. Later on, I found out I am
using Dafa to achieve a relaxed, carefree life style. By practicing
Dafa, I am rid of body illness and I am always happy, not caring much
about loss and gain. Compared with ordinary people, I feel like I am
better. All these were strong attachment of seeking human comfort.
When I have conflicts with other practitioners, I didn't look inward
but help other practitioners to look inward. This is a very typical
example of looking outward. Because I had different opinions from
another person, gradually, I didn't want to talk to the practitioner,
trying to avoid seeing him. Sometimes, I am impatient about fellow
practitioners' speech in group Fa study. I would show my poor attitude,
which is really bad. But I still didn't look inward. Why do I feel
impatient? Why me? How come other practitioners don't have these
reactions? My tolerance and patience is just too short and I didn't
look inward to dig out my attachments when encountering conflicts. All
these have shown that I should study Fa more and calmly.
Now that I was trapped in another situation: I know my attachment, but
I don't want to change myself. I think I am still protecting/covering
my attachments and seeking comforts.
Some thing happened last week. It's really a stick warning from Master.
One morning, I couldn't find my car key when I was ready to go for
work. I looked everywhere, still couldn't find it. So I borrowed my
landlady's car. I was trying to remember what I did to the key the day
before. I lost my key. You know, "key." Which means I lost my focus in
my life. I looked back over the past weeks of my cultivation. I was
really just getting by. Though I was working on some projects, I didn't
do the three things well. Prior to practicing Dafa, I had this bad
habit of being negligent. Now I am using this kind of attitude to do
Dafa work. That's why I had more xinxing
conflicts and tests. My words were not based on the Fa. After I said
it, I regretted it and apologized to practitioners. But then I already
lost my De. My apology won't get it back. Even though our landlady told
us to drive her car for keeping battery charged, I was reluctant to
drive her car because I am afraid to damage her car. It will bring me
troubles. That is still a strong attachment of protecting my
self-interest, my money.
About media work
Actually, I didn't do a lot of media work. But one practitioner told me
and my husband that we two did a lot of work. So gradually, I took
stock in the words and started thinking I really did many, many pieces
of Dafa work. I started to complain how other practitioners wouldn't
help to ease the work load. However, I realized strong human
attachments and complaints won't do Dafa work well. I think the
magnitude of Dafa work is directly related to our xinxing level. If we have good xinxing, study Fa and manage time well, we should be able to do a better job and be more effective.
Sometimes, in front of loads of Dafa projects, I want to escape to
other city because I can't finish them. But escape won't help.
Cultivation is the same everywhere. Cultivation is not to enjoy human
life, but to endure the hardship. Otherwise, we can't repay the debts
we owed for centuries. In 2006 DC Fa conference, one practitioner
shared that he felt it really hard to do the media work. He even wanted
to give up. So other practitioner told him maybe he could do less work.
But then he thought, there is loads of work and if he does less, aren't
there fewer people doing things? This sentence has always reminded me
to keep going in the face of hardships.
