PureInsight | June 14, 2004
[PureInsight.org] Having cultivated in Dafa for some time now, I've experienced many new things and new understandings just like other practitioners who have been fortunate to obtain the Fa. However, instead of elaborating more on this, I'd like to share with everyone things that I've not done well with, things that are more easily covered and overlooked, things that have influenced the collaboration of Dafa disciples as a whole, and have taken the most effort to do well. The fundamentals that Master has taught us from the very beginning of our cultivation are being selfless and looking within when situations occur. During the recent Chicago Fa conference, I felt as if Master brought up several points that were aimed at me, especially the part about not allowing others to point out my shortcomings and getting angry at practitioners for doing so. Regardless of whether it was because I got angry, didn't calm down fast enough, or was reluctant to listen and resisted change, it all came down to one thing - others were not allowed to point out my shortcomings.
This is one area where I've stumbled many times but have never paid much attention to it. I often felt that I had a good understanding of situations and the Fa. I recognized many attachments but considered them to be trivial and that there was no need to search further within. My thinking was that as long as I always looked at situations from the Fa, then the problems will solve themselves. I've carried this thinking all the way to this day.
A fellow practitioner at home considers this issue to be very serious and solemn. He often reminded me and at times would ask me, "Whenever we're together, I'm always willing to share with you my cultivation experiences with situations where I looked within myself. How come you hardly ever talk about your experiences with situations where you looked within yourself?" I said, "Everyone's personality is different, everyone's way of cultivating is different, and I have my own understandings when studying the Fa. Also, aren't I making progress as everyone else is?" Of course, it wasn't that I never looked within myself. Only when a serious situation occurred would I face myself and give it some thought.
One time, we had the opportunity to clarify the truth to a group of representatives from China. Other practitioners behaved very impressively and even handed them truth-clarifying materials. I circled around for two hours and returned without accomplishing anything. At times, an opportunity would thrust itself upon me and I would still throw it away. After returning home, I was asked why I was so useless. I said, "What do you mean useless? I'm just not used to talking to strangers and initiating conversations." The excuse, "I'm just not used to it" sounded rather sensible and was innate. In reality, it was because I was concerned that they would be hostile towards me and I would lose face. Even with this realization, I still said that I was waiting for the right moment to grasp the opportunity. In many similar situations, I would be overly self-conscious and forget that these representatives have come a long way and that I was most likely predestined to save them and all the sentient beings that they represent. A chance meeting is probably the only precious predestined arrangement we have with others in this life. Without a compassionate heart, one cannot act righteously. Just like when a person falls into the water, if I don't feel like bending my back, how could I save the person?
I've always felt that I handle situations well and am quite capable, but this notion has gradually created a difficulty for me. It is hard to be calm and humble towards others and when handling situations. Two days ago, a fellow practitioner said to me that for the past few months, I've had a difficult time listening to others. The fact is I have already realized my impatience with others. Due to my attachment to sentimentality, I overlooked the shortcomings of those whom I liked. As for those whom I did not like, I hardly gave them any words of encouragement but just complaints that, although they were not expressed, were kept inside of me. The tendency to differentiate levels among Dafa practitioners should not exist because our origins, characteristics, or understandings are different. And, the way we think are all very different. But there is one thing that is true of all Dafa practitioners, and that is all Dafa practitioners are truly remarkable. What others can do, I may not be able to do. To differentiate among each other is also a notion of an ordinary human being.
Thinking I'm able to see things clearly, I'm too quick to judge others based on my own viewpoints. For instance, I will complain when I'm too busy and say things like, "What is this practitioner doing now? or "Why didn't that practitioner share my workload with me?" Later I realized that everyone is actually doing his or her part based on his or her understanding. Even if there is a lack of practitioners to accomplish something important, it is usually because of our lack of sharing and communication among ourselves. Sometimes I'm so busy that my mind is almost absent, hence unable to help other practitioners overcome difficulties that they are facing. Though it appears I've undertaken a lot of work, other practitioners actually have lost a lot of opportunities. When my hands are full, I'm immersed under tons of detailed work, unable to respond to anything else.
Although I understand what I should do and it's true that I'm doing much better than before, why am I still obsessed with myself and my own thoughts?
When I feel I have to cover up something, why do I behave so stubbornly? The root cause is that I want to make the final decision. I thought the success or failure of a piece of work depends on myself, but actually the work is well done because of the arrangement by Fa and helped from many other factors, in addition to the conformation of my thoughts to the characteristics of the universe. Through experience sharing with other practitioners (I realize) it makes a vast difference in heaven and on earth in terms of validating Dafa or validating ourselves.
From the fact that I'm still obsessed with myself from time to time, I deeply realize what Master has talked about regarding how stubborn the old forces were when insisting on what they want. They were just obsessed with what they want! It's exactly like what Master talked about in "Touring North America to Teach the Fa." Master said:
When they're helping me, at the same time they hide their selfish intention of protecting themselves. They all want to change others but not themselves—no one wants to change himself—and they even try to preserve as much as possible the things they're attached to and won't let go of.
If we don't truly purify ourselves by the Fa, we would easily fall into the arrangement by old forces, or be taken advantage of by them, because there would be no difference between us and them. We would be at the same level as they are.
If we are unable to let go of what we have learned and not able to do things well, we will hit barriers and will be unable to improve ourselves. If we are unable to let go of our old viewpoints and shortcomings, they will interfere with us. If we look back after consummation, everything is just worth a smile. The only thing we will regret and won't forgive ourselves about will be those unsaved sentient beings because we were unable to cultivate as we should, and unable to do well as we are supposed to.
But to break through the human notions is indeed quite difficult. For example, I had known, enlightened to, and occasionally achieved this long ago that with the power of a firm mind, I can sleep less or don't have to sleep at all for a couple of days. I have tried to break this pattern of sleep for a while, but often times at the last moment, I would fail and fell into sleep. This was not because my body couldn't hold up any more, but because of my human notion and desire to seek comfort. I remember that shortly after the persecution started, a practitioner in China had a dream.
In a chilly morning he walked forward with much difficulty, feeling cold and hungry. Then he saw a big trashcan, very dirty, yet it releases some warm stream out. He wanted to stop and stay with the trashcan to get some warmth and didn't want to strive forward in the cold wind any more. At this time, he suddenly heard the summons from the distant heaven. …
Often times when I cannot let go of the worldly losses and gains, desires, emotions, and comforts; I am in fact obsessed with the bit of warmth from the trashcan, and have forgotten to strive forward diligently to sublime faster to the cleaner and wonderful realm.
I'd like to mention another thing. Supposedly as a cultivator there is no need to say this, but I want to remind us: Let's ask ourselves, how long have I not been able to do the exercises well? Every time there is this question, I cannot face myself. Although I can quickly find many reasons without thinking, they are all just excuses. When sending forth righteous thoughts, we are actually using our divine power to eradicate the evil. Without the exercises to strengthen us, the divine powers may lack some necessary parts so that the effect of eradicating the evil is weakened. Even in this dimension, we all know and have experienced the energetic state after doing exercises. But why can't we do well such a simple thing?
There is a saying that "ninety miles is only half of a hundred-mile journey," which means the going is toughest towards the end of a journey. Many attachments, for example, complacency, seeking comfort, or thinking that one has walked so far yet cannot see the destination, etc., will slow down our steps. Plainly speaking, it all boils down to the issue of self. I would think of how much I have done, without realizing that the responsibility I should carry is much more. Thinking of my sacrifices, without realizing that these little sacrifices are nothing compared to the future gains. Thinking that this Fa-rectification is finishing up very soon, without realizing that although the conclusion is as soon as possible is good, how about our sacred vows and those beings that will disappear in the new cosmos? In 1998 when I had the opportunity to listen to Master's lecture in Switzerland, it was my understanding that Master came down to earth out of the single thought of treasuring the original beings in the cosmos. At that moment, my heart was so struck by Master's immense mercy that I was totally speechless. Later on I often recall this and it is so unforgettable. Yes, for beings to continue on today is truly not easy; they are the creation of the cosmos, and the incomparably precious history of life through immemorial ancient times down to present. They have experienced numerous hardships and difficulties to be able to wait till Dafa was to be spread. However, if due to old forces' poison and due to our lack of effort, a being is destroyed from now on, what a pitiful and horrible thing it is!
We have walked our path till today and perhaps nobody doubts his/her belief in Dafa. Nonetheless, I think at different stages and levels, the requirement of what the extent to what we believe are different. A Tathagata's words are the Fa, what are the words of Master, who came from outside of layers of layers of cosmos? Do we really listen, believe and do accordingly in every sense of the term? When we are stuck in the attachment, do we let go of attachment, or blame others instead of ourselves and let go of the Fa for the moment?
To me, from the beginning of my cultivation till today, it all depends on the Fa to solve all the problems, big or small. During the two years prior to the persecution, I could often read two to three lectures of the book each day. When many problems arose and tests came, I could often pass easily, or even didn't feel it was a test. In the cold winter, I got up at 4 a.m. and drove to the park to do exercises. I was frozen to numbness, yet I always enjoyed the outside practice so much. After the cultivation in Fa-rectification started, I became very busy and could not study the Fa as well as before, especially a while ago, sometimes I could hardly endure to read one lecture a day, not to say reading with a peaceful mind. It can be easily imagined under this premise what the outcome of doing Dafa work would be. An article published on Minghui.net titled, "Sharing the Experiences and Understandings of some Persecuted Practitioners: We must be Diligent in Studying the Fa" rang an alarming bell for me. The author's note says, ""Many practitioners who have suffered persecution (inside prisons, forced labor camps, detention centers, and so forth) told me, 'Please, you must tell all the practitioners in the world who have the freedom to study the Fa that they must treasure the environment and the time, and be diligent in studying the Fa. What we regret most is that we were not able to study and recite the Fa well..."
I know that so many things have got delayed as a result of my not doing well, many of which are what I have realized or even very clearly understood that needed to be done, yet I did not do them at all nor do them well. Although I never have gotten stuck in the concept of repentance, I can feel deeply that we should treasure every day of the Fa-rectification period cultivation, otherwise, there will be too many regrets in the future. Every opportunity may be the only one and never again for us or the sentient beings. The mighty torrent of the Fa-rectification is forging ahead at a tremendous pace. We must catch up and take the responsibility that we should take.
Fortunately Master has left us this group cultivation environment where there are numerous precious fellow practitioners. When I am complacent, hot tempered, overly delighted or depressed, they are like mirrors to let me reflect on. From every bit of details inside this environment, from the Fa conferences and Fa-rectification activities to the Minghui.net articles and contacts and collaboration with practitioners of various regions in the past several years, I deeply feel that:
Today's time with fellow practitioners in Dafa will forever be unforgettable memory in our lives. Among us there's no need to say courtesy words for outsiders. We are fortunate to be fellow disciples of our most revered Master and follow Master together to cultivate in the Fa-rectification at this time, so besides cherishing each other and treating each other with compassion and kindness, and use the same thought to treat sentient beings, what more do I need to say?
