PureInsight | June 21, 2004
[PureInsight.org] Master Li says in Zhuan Falun that Westerners are relatively extroverted. Extroverts tend not to be jealous, are action-oriented, ask questions and are willing to talk about their problems with others. My birth family is fairly extroverted and has been very successful in a worldly sense. I naturally tend to look inward. But because I have lived among extroverts, I sometimes look outward when cultivating Dafa.
When there are conflicts or we are not getting along well with others, Master has said that we must always first look within. For some time I had not been looking inward. I would call other practitioners and listen to their comments. I really only wanted them to agree with me and be on my "side". Because these were good practitioners, this did not last long and I was forced to change myself from within. In talking with others, I sought an answer outside myself.
Being included has always been important to me. For a long time, it was an attachment that I chose not to let go. If I thought people were meeting and I should be included, I would feel very hurt inside. For some time, I did not have a good relationship with a practitioner. She emailed me a list of the bad things I had done to her. I thought I knew what the problem was and it was all her fault. I hadn't done anything wrong yet this practitioner refused to work on Dafa projects with me or even talk with me. I thought I knew her deficiencies. I had just forgotten to look within.
In Dafa projects, I looked at how unfairly others were treating me. I saw others talking about me or not including me. I thought that I could handle this by looking outside myself and asking others for advice. If I looked at the behavior of others before looking at myself, I thought I could change them and, somehow, I would improve. Once I realized how wrong this thinking was, I became very calm and tranquil. It was a big test and, this time, I passed. I also realized I could be kind and compassionate to those I thought were treating me unfairly. I realized that there was too much "me" and not enough "Dafa particle" in my behavior.
This came into sharp contrast while working on a Fa rectification project. I was on the coordinating team for a lawsuit. Another practitioner on the team was enthusiastic and worked hard to keep the lawsuit moving forward. But I thought he only talked about low level things. He seemed obsessed with how we would finance the lawsuit and continually discussed it during the team's conference calls. He also seemed to carry some animosity toward me. Again, I looked outward and thought he needed to cultivate better. I had done nothing wrong. Then, another person joined the team and felt she had been treated unfairly and that some of us on the team were talking behind her back. Looking within, I finally decided not to be actively involved in the project. There were many other Fa rectification projects I could work on.
Actually, I had very few tribulations and I thought my cultivation was going very well. I experienced other dimensions. One night in that twilight period before sleep, I felt myself lifted into the deep celestial sky. It was the most beautiful blue I had ever seen. I could see celestial bodies below and around me. There I was slowly rotating, first one way then the other. It felt so wonderful as if that's where I belonged. I actually felt this in my body. I could see everywhere. Now I understood more clearly and deeply the mystery of the rotating universe.
Although my cultivation was going well, I needed a job. Then—out of the blue—a Chinese practitioner who is also a dentist called me to ask if I was interested in working for her. She had some problems with employees and was looking for a practitioner to hire. This was perfect for me. Although I had to drive for over an hour and a half, I could listen to Zhuan Falun on CDs during the commute. The practitioner and her parents graciously allowed me to stay with them two or three nights a week so I didn't have to drive home each night and saved on gas. This seems to have been arranged for us both to improve and to continue doing Fa rectification projects.
This job was also a perfect opportunity for improvement and testing. I had forgotten that everyday people can be very selfish and difficult when they are in pain or need personal services. There were times when the dentist's patients would act in a demanding way, even yell and shout at me. But, amazingly, their bad behavior did not affect me at all. I tried to think of them with kindness and consideration. Before Dafa, I would have felt very bad. But now it washed off me like water on a duck's back. I was not affected at all. I was slowly emerging from the big dye vat.
In the patient sitting area, we have Dafa brochures. One patient read one and told us how saddened she was about the persecution. Others would put it in their pocket and take it home. The dentist also has some Chinese patients. The dentist's office became a good place to clarify the truth.
The practitioner dentist had some problems with employees before I was hired. Her dental assistant did not do good work and exhibited a negative attitude. When I arrived, she did not want to work with me because she expected to run the front desk. This was a test for me to treat her with compassion. The dental assistant's behavior did not affect me, even when she would physically push me or not answer when I spoke to her. I constantly had to improve my capacity for compassion when dealing with her.
The practitioner dentist and I often talk about cultivation. This is a good opportunity for cultivation of speech. When I discuss what I have seen with my Third Eye, I have to remind myself that what I see is only at my level and I may be showing off.
Staying with her and her parents, I also learn a great deal about China today. It helps me to understand the great difficulties that practitioners in Mainland China have in clarifying the truth and saving the precious Chinese people. When Chinese practitioners continue to step forward, risking everything and letting go of their fear, I truly admire them and appreciate their greatness.
Looking within is truly the answer to cultivating well. Problems with others dissolve and tranquility envelops the heart. Then we are able to show sentient beings the power and beauty of Zhen-Shan-Ren.
