PureInsight | June 21, 2004
[PureInsight.org] My name is M and I live in North Berwick, Maine. I have been practicing Falun Dafa since May of 1998. In my six years of cultivation I have not written an experience sharing paper. I always thought if I wrote a paper it should be profound, earth shaking and full of wisdom. I had to let go of those notions to write this paper. I would like to briefly share with you some of my experiences clarifying the truth in Chicago this past week.
I am a professional musician who earns my living performing concerts for children and their parents. At the end of my concerts I make an announcement about Falun Dafa and then hand out brochures. In this way I am able to clarify the truth to large groups of people at one time. This is a very special opportunity to clarify the truth as the audience has a chance to listen and sing with me for an hour. When I mention Falun Dafa most people are happy to hear about it.
Due to my busy schedule I am often performing on the weekends when experience-sharing conferences are held. It was unusual that I had an opening on my calendar at the end of May that enabled me to attend the Chicago Fahui. In 2003 I had written a song called "The Trial" about the lawsuit against Jiang Zemin. Since the appeal hearing for this lawsuit was being heard on Thursday, May 27th after the conference, I decided to look for opportunities to perform the songs at any truth clarifying events that were planned for that week. Since practitioners in Chicago might not know of me or the song, I began the process of communicating my willingness to perform at their events.
In my professional life I have to plan and organize well for stage performances. I wanted to do the same for the Chicago events. After I contacted the Chicago events coordinator I was invited to perform at an event and create the days' program with other musicians. This was the only communication I received other than the location of the event. I did not receive any more details or even know if a sound system would be available.
I have an attachment of trying to plan everything in advance. A lot of my planning takes place in my imagination. It may have nothing to do with real events and situations. I found myself doing a lot of this imaginary planning in the three weeks prior to going to Chicago. It took up a lot of my time and energy. In my imagination I saw myself standing on a crowded street with my guitar, straining my voice to be heard over the city noise. I also began to form judgments about the Chicago coordinators, wondering why they were not communicating better. I assumed they must be very busy. Since I did not receive replies to my emails it stirred up my attachment to imagining things. This attachment to imagination is something that I have to deal with every day. I try to plan and organize a future in my mind that will go well for me. Under lying all this is the attachment to selfishness and comfort. Trusting the Fa and letting go of my self interest is still somewhat of a concept to me and not something I have fully brought into my heart. This old attachment is usually present around any performance I might be giving. I spend way too much time imagining the performance in advance.
Early Sunday morning of May 23rd my wife and I flew to Chicago to the Fahui. The trip was very smooth and harmonious with many opportunities to clarify the truth to various people. We arrived at the Fahui just after it began. I immediately began thinking about trying to coordinate my performances and wondered whom I should speak to. This distracted me from being fully present to listen to the experience sharing papers. I did manage to meet another musician and we decided it was best to be very flexible and not have any expectations. When I did speak to the local coordinator it was not yet clear if the event would even happen due to the permit not being finalized. Each new bit of information I received seemed to point out my attachment to performing and being recognized as a great and mighty truth clarifier. I actually began to look at the chain of events somewhat humorously, which is a change for me, since I usually take my pursuits very seriously. I was receiving strong guidance that truth clarification is not a pursuit. It has to come from the heart and come from the Fa and not from selfish pursuit. It is something that needs to calmly unfold as each opportunity presents itself. In fact my five days in Chicago were designed perfectly to point out these old attachments.
I listened to Teacher's lecture at the Fahui and realized that my attachments were indeed bigger than a mountain even after six years of cultivating the Fa. Teacher was pointing out clearly that it was time for my old attachments to be removed. At the same time I saw them being pointed out to me in the events around me. Nonetheless all week long I slipped in and out of taking myself too seriously and trying to create performance opportunities for myself. I spent way too much time thinking about myself and not about others. In the end as it turns out I was always in the right place at the right time, either singing the right song or talking to the right person. It unfolded very gracefully and with each passing moment I felt less concerned with how well I was doing or how I appeared to other practitioners. I started to think more of how supernatural laws apply to me and how the message in the song was going to many dimensions. I put my full intention to sending the music to the entire universe. I began to realize how precious this opportunity was.
On Monday, May 27th the first day's event was held at the Federal Plaza. I brought my guitar and told the coordinators I would be available to sing at any time. There was no opportunity that morning at the press conference and the parade was about to begin. Here I was with a heavy bag of sound equipment and a guitar to carry in the parade. Seeing my guitar a Chicago contact person suggested I sing at the Chinese consulate at the end of the parade. At that point I hopped in a cab and went directly to the consulate. After sending forth-righteous thoughts I found myself by the sound system in front of the consulate. The rest of the afternoon's activities were being announced, and then my wife whispered the word "song " to the announcer. He then immediately said M will now sing his song "The Trial " I quickly had to plug in my guitar into the simple sound system. There was no microphone stand so my wife held the microphone for me. I felt my life's path had brought me to this place and moment. I was standing at the doorway of the evil and began singing the song of how that evil head was brought to trial and convicted. This was my opportunity to speak the truth strongly and righteously. I told myself I must shake as many dimensions as possible. I sent my voice straight through every molecule of that consulate building and it continued on out into the cosmos. I had a rare moment of feeling as though I was accomplishing my mission as a Fa rectification disciple. Actually in the weeks before the Fahui I told myself if nothing else at least I would go to Chicago to stand on the street in front of the Chinese consulate and sing "The Trial".
The next day, Tuesday, May 25th the torture exhibition was planned for the Thompson Center, a large government and shopping complex in the heart of downtown Chicago. When talking to the coordinator early that morning they said "it might not be worth your time to come to the event, but you can show up any way." This was after having been told I would be planning the entire day's speeches and performances. Needless to say this was two entirely different messages. So it was time to let go of the attachment of expecting any results. When we arrived the torture display was set up and the actors were in place. There were large numbers of people walking through the plaza past the exhibit, many more than the day before at the Federal Plaza. I asked the coordinator "so will there be a chance to sing today?" they replied, "Sure you can sing now." I quickly began setting up the sound system and we had to tape a microphone to a metal pole, which someone had to hold for the performer. At the same time my wife was asked to manage the schedule of speakers and performers for the day. We started the speeches about the exhibit, alternated with songs about the persecution. This lasted from 11:00 AM till 5:00 PM. Many people stopped to view the exhibit, receive materials and have conversations with practitioners. That day we reached more people that any other event that week in Chicago. All practitioners worked together harmoniously and did what needed to be done.
In that busy outdoor environment I noticed that the music served as a background to the exhibition. I did not notice anyone specifically watching me or listening to the words. They were more focused on the graphic and shocking display of the torture, attempting to comprehend it. More important were the heartfelt speeches explaining the horror of this genocide in a way that casual passer-bys could understand. As many did not want to get too close to the exhibition, the speakers had to encourage them to come closer and read the information on the display boards. Some people were moved to tears and wanted to know how they could help. Others offered their business cards for future contact and made suggestions for contacting major corporations. Many were indignant that America is doing business with China while this persecution is happening. I had to let go of any attachment I might have of my songs being a performance. I was just a background element contributing to the event. I tried to make my voice and guitar as pure and righteous as possible despite the simple sound system. My understanding about what an ordinary performance is was not appropriate at this time. Clarifying the truth is not a performance, but is coming from the Fa at that moment with no pursuit or expectation. This to me was a new way of performing in front of an audience, because in my every day job I have to entertain people and certain expectations have to be met. Clarifying the truth through music is a process of me having to constantly give up my attachments. The process of giving up attachments while clarifying the truth is the unique path of a Fa rectification disciple.
On Wednesday, May 26th the exhibition moved back to the Federal Plaza. We showed up and created a program similar to the previous day. Again this was not decided in advance. I began to form some judgments about the local practitioners concerning this lack of planning and communication. I felt that they should be doing better. Of course this meant that perhaps I should look inside and do better and be more flexible. I really did not know what they were facing with the circumstances and conditions surrounding the Chicago events. Over the course of the week this judgment kept coming up again and again. I came to realize that I was not compassionate and understanding of other practitioners. On this day since there were fewer pedestrians I felt the event was not as effective but our previous days' experience helped to create a smooth running program. I felt unsettled and fatigued and didn't know whether to practice or talk to the pedestrians in between my songs. This unsettled feeling and fatigue is a type of interference that can distract me.
When in this situation I rely on an old attachment and usually go and find a big cup of coffee to clear my mind and give myself the false impression of being more awake and alert. During the week this usually happened every day around mid-afternoon. It is an attachment I have yet to overcome. Actually sending forth righteous thoughts would be a more effective way to clear my mind and calm down. I found it difficult to send righteous thoughts during the week due to the noisy environments and many stray thoughts. I was still clinging to some routines from my normal schedule, instead of trusting the righteous energy field of this event. This old coffee habit ended up making me feel more unsettled and muddle headed in the long run. This mundane habit feels like a mountain that is immovable. This is yet another attachment that was really made apparent in this righteous truth clarification environment.
On Thursday, May 27th we headed down to the Federal courthouse for the appeal hearing. After making several inquiries to local practitioners, it was unclear exactly who would be able to attend the hearing. Only 40 observers could be seated in the courtroom. We decided to show up with no attachment to being in the courtroom. After meeting a practitioner in the Federal Plaza we were told to go to the 27th floor. After going through security we saw a line of about 150 practitioners in the lobby. Another local practitioner said we were all waiting in line to go upstairs. So who's instructions should I follow? I decided to wait in line with the others. Then we learned that practitioners from each region had already gone to the 27th floor. Someone suggested that since we were representing New England we should go upstairs with representatives from the other regions. It did not seem right to go ahead of the 150 practitioners already in line. I calmed myself and took my place at the end of the line.
When it was time to go up to the courtroom my end of the line was instructed to enter the elevator first. Perhaps I was supposed to be in the courtroom after all. We all went up the elevator and down the hall in a calm and orderly fashion. My wife and I were two of the last ones allowed to enter the courtroom before it became full. After we were seated a clerk came over and said your row is reserved for lawyers and you will have to leave. The entire row stood up and prepared to leave when Terry Marsh the lawyer came over and made a specific request for several of us to stay. Several non English-speaking practitioners were kind enough to give up their seats. We found spaces on the opposite side with the Dafa legal team. I spent my time in the courtroom attempting to maintain a calm and peaceful mind and sending forth-righteous thoughts. I specifically focused on eliminating any evil that might be attacking our lawyer or the judges. I could sense that the judges could understand the seriousness of this case. From my level of awareness the atmosphere in the courtroom felt calm and clear. I felt privileged to be present in the courtroom as this historic trial unfolds.
My entire experience in Chicago was a process of seeing attachments and letting go of them. Being out of my normal every day routine in such a righteous field really sped up this process. Teachers' lecture at the Fahui spoke directly to me at my cultivation level and guided me for the whole week. As Fa rectification moves ahead I will do better on my path as a Fa rectification disciple. The Fa will guide my every step.
