PureInsight | June 28, 2004
[PureInsight.org] The first year of my cultivation in this most grand and wonderful practice. Who would know that when I first clicked on that link to Zhuan Falun that I would be here today in front of so many future rulers of the cosmos, Buddhas, Daos and Gods. How have I shouldered that responsibility? What did it take for me to make the leap into being a Fa-rectification Dafa disciple?
I came to Dafa because of illness. I had severe chronic pain for 3 years. Every aspect of my life caused me pain: from daily activities like eating and washing, to standing, walking or sitting, and using a computer. I had no energy and felt tired all day. The worst part about my undiagnosable, incurable ailment was that it prevented me from playing guitar. At the time the illness became serious, I was attending Duke Ellington School of the Arts in Washington D.C. for guitar performance. Due to the pain, I was forced to stop playing and drop out of school. It felt like the whole purpose of my life had been silenced. I had no outlet and no way to express myself positively. I did drugs and smoked to ease the pain. When I found Dafa I had already been searching within for about a year, and as soon as I read Zhuan Falun I accepted it instantly. After only three months I was playing guitar again. The most amazing part of this healing story is that after three years away from the guitar, I reacquainted myself with the instrument extremely fast. I auditioned at a prestigious music school in New York City only a few months after I started to play again and was accepted! Dafa has truly given me my life back!
Being a new student, my cultivation is intrinsically linked to the Fa-rectification. Looking back at the past year I can see that as my understanding of the Fa has deepened, and my ability to clarify the truth and save more of the world's people has gotten better and better. Conversely, when my Fa study isn't as good, I feel less out going in my clarifying the truth and my attachments and bad thoughts seem to cause intense pressure.
There are many different types of Dafa projects in New York City. Along with a regular schedule of parades and special events, there's television programs and a newspaper, as well as the United Nations and other huge important institutions. Because there is so much going on, it is very easy for a practitioner to feel lost or overwhelmed by the situation here. Also, because there is a regular schedule of activities, it is easy fall into a routine and feel complacent with a certain amount of Dafa work. What I have personally found is that when I take on new and challenging activities, I find my cultivation the most tested and my level the most improved.
Sometimes its hard to feel that we can make an impact as an individual in such a huge city, but even the act of handing out Dafa fliers at the subway has proved a huge cultivation experience for me. A lot of times I would see a certain type of person and my human notions would come into play. "Oh, this person won't take a flier." Lo and behold they did, so my human notions were constantly being challenged and I was constantly searching inside for the endless compassion of a cultivator. Every time I would hand out fliers, at least one person would stop and ask me in detail about the situation. One time a very nice man stopped and was simply in a state of disbelief. He kept trying to wrap his head around the situation and felt that it was simply too horrible. After we talked for a while he asked to take a handful of fliers so that he could distribute them on his own. Another time I was handing out fliers and a non-practitioner friend of mine met up with me. He offered to hand out half of the fliers so that we could get done faster and go hang out. I was totally surprised at his depth of knowledge of the persecution. He explained the situation to many people passing by and felt very comfortable doing so. All I could feel was happiness for these people who have chosen such a great future.
A huge cultivation experience for the body of Dafa practitioners was the New Year Gala. During the preparation, I was on winter break from school. At the beginning, I really didn't know exactly how to help so I just volunteered for anything. The first task I had was to distribute invitations to different consulates around the city. I had never been to a consulate nor did I have much of an idea of what to say. Many negative thoughts ran through my head like, "What am I going to say? Will I look stupid? "Does this accomplish anything?" After thinking this over I knew that many of these countries didn't have Dafa practitioners, so my inviting them to this event was just like bringing the wonderfulness of Dafa to their nation. When I first started I felt very nervous and the words didn't come out right. I had notions about individual countries that I had acquired over my years of interest in politics. But when we're saving people these distinctions mean nothing, they are all waiting for the same thing, and the origin of their true self can't be known to me. I knew that the old forces were interfering when I had these attachments and notions. But what is there really to be nervous about? This is our responsibility, the most grand and glorious act. The salvation of the people of these nations! As I continued through these deliveries I became more and more proficient. I was able to speak to many people in depth about our television service and the persecution of Dafa in China. I also clarified the truth in the waiting rooms. Even though I did all this, I was still not diligent enough to follow up and became complacent. This was a problem for me throughout some of the other gala preparations.
Another particularly unique experience was when a group of New York practitioners drove to Albany, New York's state capitol to deliver a Gala invitation to every single state representative. Due to my experience with the consulates I was more ready, but I was still very unsure about it at first. We had no appointments and only a few of the representatives new about the gala at all. Of course, after a few offices I realized what an amazing tool the TV station is in clarifying the truth. What it has done is truly remarkable, and everyone to whom I spoke to was impressed. I also spoke about the persecution in China to each of them in a logical manner, grouping it with the SARS and Article 23 issues. One office aid was especially receptive. He smiled and looked totally engaged during our conversation. After I was finished he even complimented my presentation, which was basically off the top of my head. When he complimented me, I felt his knowing side was acknowledging the greatness of the Fa, because the wisdom bestowed upon me by the Fa was what enabled me to speak so eloquently. Another man I spoke to sarcastically asked, "So how'd you get stuck doing this?" I said to him without pause or hesitation, "It is because Falun Dafa has had a huge impact on my life through its principles of Truth, Compassion and Forbearance. I am volunteering for the TV company because they are the only ones who have reported our true situation in China to the world." The man's joking nature changed right away and he was stunned to hear such a direct answer. I think these types of exchanges really frighten the evil. When Dafa disciples are clearheaded and firm in their righteous belief and their role in Fa-rectification, nothing can stop them. Through all this I still had to combat my nagging feelings of complacency, and in the future I won't be satisfied with just a presentation of the invitation. I'll try my best to have that person attend our gala.
One more quick anecdote from that day. We had been recording greetings throughout the day from the politicians, which would appear on the TV programs. At the end of the day a practitioner saw a Senator that she knew in the hall. She asked him to do a greeting. He obliged and before you know it, there was a crowd of representatives wanting to join in the fun! This gave us a great chance to talk with them and get to know them better, bringing their constituents a better and better future in the process.
Even though the path has been rocky and I felt my shortcomings emerge during the process, I feel so fortunate to have become a part of the Gala celebration. Sitting in the audience those nights I felt such an immense energy field emanating from the premises. When the European chorus sang "Coming for You," I was moved to tears. How fortunate were those who accepted those invitations! They will forever be grateful for the saving grace of Dafa disciples!
After hearing the European chorus, I was honored to be able to participate in the D.C. gala chorus of North American practitioners singing "Coming for You." At the beginning, we rehearsed almost everyday for a week straight. After about the third rehearsal I had a very sore throat and just about lost my voice. I felt dejected at rehearsal and didn't want to try to sing because it sounded so bad. I pondered the question out loud to my fellow practitioners, how does this problem relate to my cultivation? Is it the old forces interfering with me? At the next rehearsal when we started, the ladies in the choir were having a hard time singing their parts so I decided to SFRT. After that, things came together so nicely I just decided to try my best to sing no matter how it felt. To my surprise my voice only got better the more I sang. How could that ever happen to an ordinary person! I could the feel the power of the Fa resounding through my vocal chords every time we sang "Falun Dafa Hao!" The night of the performance, after three straight days of grueling rehearsal, everyone was tired. We were rehearsing for the final time before the show and the fatigue was really starting to wear us down. A lot of the men were getting their make-up done and had yet to arrive. This made me feel a bit uneasy. I voiced my concern to another practitioner, when I realized that a certain practitioner who had just joined the chorus the night before the show wasn't there. I said, "He's not here? He needs to be here!" Literally, as soon as I finished saying those words that practitioner walked right into the rehearsal room! The other practitioner and I laughed out loud! We knew the Fa was at work and that no matter how tired we get we can't forget our most sacred duty. After we finished rehearsing we took the time prior to our performance to do the three most important things, study the Fa, SFRT, and practice the exercises. Everyone was very intense and focused on these three sacred things. I could feel the energy very strongly, and had a brewing yet subdued excitement about the performance to come. When we got up on stage, all I could do was smile. I was smiling for all the sentient beings coming to hear our song. Because I was standing all the way at the end I could see out of the corner of my eye when the touching photo of that first group of Western practitioners at Tiananmen square appeared, larger than life on the screen behind us. We were on stage that night retelling their story and immortalizing the strength, courage, and boundless compassion that Dafa disciples have displayed during the Fa-Rectification. I will surely never forget that night.
I know I have exhibited and displayed many attachments through these and many other experiences through my first year of cultivation. What I can say is, there have been two things that have really kept me going on my path throughout all of this: One is practicing the two hours of exercises almost every day. I have noticed that the exercises are one of the first things to be neglected when we get busy with our Dafa work. I also see many experienced practitioners unable to sit double lotus for the whole hour of sitting meditation. The sitting meditation has always been an extremely painful experience. Whenever I am in the midst of this process I know that all it takes is one righteous thought at that decisive moment, and I can make it to the end. If I'm not determined at that point, then there won't be righteous thoughts to encourage me the rest of the way. I also think, "The Dafa disciples in Mainland China are suffering the most excruciating torture, if I can't make it through this, how can I compare?" These thoughts have helped during this very difficult time and I think that if we can all try harder to do the exercises our progress as a whole will certainly improve.
The second and most important factor in improving in my cultivation has been group study and sharing. When I first started out, I joined a small western study group with some very experienced and diligent practitioners in D.C. Their caring and kind nature motivated me at a time when I was just beginning to understand so many principles of the Fa. I know that even though I exhibited so many attachments at that time they never judged me and always encouraged me. I am extremely grateful for being a part of that precious environment. In New York City, we have had difficulty coming together as one body to study and share. What I have found is that without exception, every single Fa study elevates my understanding and pushes me to do more in my cultivation. Whenever a critical time came up in the New York area, our group meetings and discussions would harmonize our understandings. I hope that my sharing on this subject can encourage all practitioners to come out to study and practice more. Every practitioner carries such strong energy that an addition of one person to the field creates a huge difference! When we aren't together to study our understandings on some key issues lack harmonization. When people's thoughts aren't all on the same level, disharmony is created and perhaps several things we hoped would turn out well did not quite happen, as we would have liked.
Now that I've been practicing cultivation for over a year, I see my path for Fa Rectification truly taking its own individual shape. As I become more mature and initiate more projects on my own merit, I will always remember what has gotten me here today: Fa-study, the exercises, sending forth righteous thoughts and clarifying the truth to save the world's people. I would like to express my gratitude to our Master's Saving Grace and guidance on this difficult path. I will close with a quote from Essentials for Further Advancement:
He is on a Providential mission in this world as well as in heaven above. He has bountiful virtue and also maintains a benevolent heart; he is full of great aspirations while minding minor details. With broad knowledge of the laws and principles, he is able to unravel uncertainties. Offering salvation to the world and its people, he builds up his merit naturally.
