A Change of Heart

[PureInsight.org] Recently I found myself getting all caught up in being busy. Even before one project ended, another one seemed to be demanding my attention. On top of meetings, conference calls, and ongoing commitments, an "urgent" situation would arise such as the recent event of serving the Chinese Communist Party secretary of Anhui Province with lawsuit papers here in Boston. It was like being stuck in high gear and finding myself accelerating ever faster going down a hill. In this state, I found myself becoming disoriented, feeling overwhelmed and even discouraged at times. I knew this was not an acceptable state to be in. There was a pressing need inside to come to grips with this and determine where I should be and how I should be doing right now on my path as a Fa-rectification disciple.

I think that many of our practitioners have found themselves in such a state because the issue has come up as a topic of discussion at some of our group study and work meetings. Almost instinctively everyone says to study the Fa more. So, I started to think, "The Fa! Of course! That's where I should be looking for answers to my difficulty." But in my very next thought I realized that I could not be looking for answers in the Fa as though the Fa were some kind of problem-solving source. We have to study the Fa with no pursuits or mind-intent as Master has instructed us. I knew that I could fool myself by thinking, "O.K., I'll just study the Fa, then…," yet in the back of my mind there would be the buried expectation of finding the answers. We all know that it just does not work that way in our cultivation. So, I did my best to put my problem aside and I really tried to keep a clear and empty mind when I studied the Fa, sent forth righteous thoughts, and did my truth-clarification projects.

Before very long, I found myself thinking about the fact that there are no role models in our cultivation practice - as is stated in lecture 4 of Zhuan Falun. It dawned on me that I had been looking outside myself for a solution when in reality I needed to be looking within myself. After this realization, it became quite clear that I was being given hints all along while in my busy state of where I should be in my Fa-rectification cultivation. For example, I would be sitting at my computer for several hours and it would be time to send righteous thoughts. I would stop and send righteous thoughts. If I did not take my attention completely off what I was doing on my computer, I would not feel good about sending righteous thoughts. If I calmly and firmly took my mind off the computer and put myself completely into sending righteous thoughts, I would experience a warm peacefulness and I felt that this was the right way to send righteous thoughts. I would then return to my computer more clear-minded and refreshed.

Midnight and 6:00 a.m. are challenging times for me, because the "molecular me" thinks it needs its rest and that nothing should disturb it. However, the divinely cultivated side of me sees through all that immediately and will put me in a good state of mind . . . if I allow it to. If I determine before going asleep that I will wake up on time and send forth righteous thoughts, it never fails that I will suddenly become awake easily and will not resist the next 15 minutes by wanting to go back to sleep. About a week ago, around 5:55 a.m., I heard my cell phone ringing clearly but softly, and as I went to answer it, I found that it was not ringing in this dimension at all because I had turned it off before going to bed. If I am not determined, then I will either sleep through the time for sending righteous thoughts, or I will wake up when the 15 minutes are almost over. Never once has Master ever scolded me for the many times and many little ways that I have slacked off. Instead, he gently nudges me back into diligence.

I also realized that during those times when I was feeling overwhelmed, it felt like I was loosing the heart for what I was doing. At those times, I was thinking of what I was doing as though it was an ordinary job and that the workload was piling up. That's when the little demons of despair would appear at the door of my heart, trying to force their way in. I can clearly see that this was another hint to show me that my heart had to be completely immersed in whatever I was doing for Fa-rectification.

Master stated:

...but I'll tell you, my true Dafa disciples: Your future mighty virtue will surpass that of any God who came to this world before at any point in history, for you today are part of Fa-rectification. You need to treasure it–you have to treasure the path you've walked. Only when you treasure the steps you've taken can you do well on the path ahead. Not much of the journey is left. Do even better on your path and do things more righteously.

(From "Teaching the Fa on Easter, 2004, at the New York Fa Conference")

I was almost startled when I first read these words of Master. They also gave me a certain reassurance that I was on the right track because I had started to put my heart completely into what I was doing. "Treasure," Master told us; treasure our paths that we have walked so far. All of us can look back and see where we were one, two, three, or four years ago. We do not need to compare ourselves to anyone else. I think you will see that for all of us, coming this far is indeed something to be treasured. If you are not happy with where you seem to be on your path right now, do something about it. A change of heart is all you need. Do not let yourself become overwhelmed or discouraged. Master believes in us, so how can we not believe in ourselves?

Also in "Teaching the Fa on Easter, 2004, at the New York Fa Conference," Master spoke very encouragingly to us:

In validating the Fa, you are the ones who've come up with many of the ideas, and you've resolved many a problem yourselves. And with validating the Fa, you are thinking about how to do well validating the Fa, this most magnificent task, and Dafa disciples the world over are thinking about their shared tasks. You're all cooperating together, discussing, and debating and analyzing things with each other to come up with the best approaches. Whatever the case, this is Dafa disciples' unique way of cultivating, and it's something history has never had before.

If you look at the person sitting next to you right now or the one in front of you or behind you, you will see what gods look like in this molecular dimension. That's who we are, all of us, and we are all on our paths going home. Treasure this time we have to be together. There is nothing that we cannot accomplish as one body when we treasure each other as Fa-rectification disciples. And above all, treasure Teacher and the Fa.