Taking the Right Steps

[PureInsight.org] As I first sat down to write this paper I was uncertain as to what to share with you all. Would I share some long hidden attachment? How I broke through a tribulation or some deep understanding I came to during Fa rectification? I wasn't sure even as I began to write this. I did know that in my heart what I wanted most was to think of you all, to consider each one of you before myself, and that this is what I wished most of all. I thought that if this is something I wanted then I should begin there. I leave it to you all to judge if my experience was helpful for you or not.

What follows are some of my steps on my path to be more thoughtful. Some of these steps at first have been unsteady but through your patience and Master's guidance my steps have become firmer and steadier each day. These steps are what this story is about; ones you should take, ones you shouldn't and well… ones you can't take anymore.(More on this later.)

This Story Begins With the Steps You Can No Longer Take.

I work as an Arborist. For those of you who don't know what an Arborist is, it is someone who takes care of trees. It is a job that involves being high off the ground for long periods of time. About one month ago, while at my job, I fell approximately 20 ft from a tree. I had just begun climbing a tree that was about 55 ft tall. As I was climbing, the branch I was tied into broke, and sent me straight to the ground onto the concrete. As I fell from the tree, I kept a clear mind and immediately sent forth righteous thoughts. I knew in my mind that there was nothing wrong with my leg but nonetheless a searing pain shot through my leg from my foot. I sat on the ground and waited. But the pain did not subside. I told myself, "It will be all right. You are a practitioner". But I was at work, and I could not get up off the ground. Finally, I made the decision to go to the hospital because I had just crashed to the ground in front of an ordinary person. An ordinary person who, on his first day on the job, had just watched his boss fall out of a tree. I didn't think it was the best thing at the time to say to him, "Look I am just going to sit here and send forth righteous thoughts for awhile, you just wait here." So I went to the hospital.

While I was at the hospital I took the opportunity to clarify the truth to everyone I came into contact with. It was wonderful. The entire time I just did my absolute best to think of all of the people there and not worry about myself. The effect on them was amazing and everyone became so kind. I spoke with one doctor and I shared with him that at one time I would have never been able to endure something like this. The doctor and nurse wanted to give me morphine for the pain in my leg but I refused. I told him after I started to practice Zhen-Shan-Ren and think of others everything in my life changed. I told him about Falun Dafa and he seemed genuinely moved by what I said. It was like that with almost everyone I spoke with. When I left the hospital, I thought I might be able to float since I felt so light. But floating was the only way I was going to leave the hospital because my heel was fractured, and I could no longer walk. I truly felt that Master was protecting me and helped me open my heart that day. I could have died or been hurt far worse than I was. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off me. But nonetheless it is Fa-rectification and I had just fallen out of a tree and couldn't walk. How was I supposed to understand this? Was this an old forces arrangement or had I done something wrong I wondered…

For Those Steps You Should Take

I have been home and unable to walk for a little over a month now. While my foot has improved somewhat I know that it would be much better to be back at work and clarifying the truth in public. Since my accident many practitioners would say, "Oh, now you can do Dafa work at home and study the Fa all day." This is not my understanding at present during Fa rectification. I should walk, have a job, and work to support myself. I do know that with everything there is a way to benevolently resolve things and turn them into the best things. So I thought since I am home I will study the Fa well, practice, send forth righteous thoughts and clarify the truth till I can walk again-- just not be too attached to anything.

The first week and a half I did not do so well. I was in a great deal of pain and could not concentrate for the first several days. But as the weeks progressed and I became more focused I gradually broke through all of that although I am still having some difficulty getting up in the morning.

I gradually became firmer in my righteous thoughts and read the Fa with a calmer heart. When I began to do this I started to really see my shortcomings. Things that I had never been able to see before rapidly appeared in front of me. I then had this thought that I should memorize "Towards Consummation." I felt that if I could assimilate to this teaching by Master then the root of my problems might be exposed. As I did this I could feel the power in the Fa like I had never experienced before. Each time I read, if I was calm I would feel the gong from Zhuan Falun surrounding me. I knew that I was again back on the path Teacher wants me to be on but I knew that this was just the beginning. I had many things that still lay hidden and needed to be removed if I was to meet the standard of a true Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple.

This experience led me to in turn be able to recognize myself in the attachments I had and not be controlled by them. I continued to send righteous thoughts each day, many times. During this time I also became a coordinator of several projects one which recently involved suing the Governor of Anhui province.

I had the chance to work with a practitioner I deeply respect and admire for the way in which she is able to harmonize with fellow practitioners. This practitioner and I have shared many times, and often share similar ideas on how to approach Dafa projects, but we differed on how to handle coordination.

I Began to See the Steps I Shouldn't Take Any More.


When we first began working on the lawsuit together it was quite harmonious. We did not disagree and each of us focused on a different thing. The first day we spent calling lawyers to represent us in this case and to get their assistance in filing the lawsuit. Together and separately we spoke to many attorneys. We continued to do this all day into the early evening and never got anywhere. No one would help. We stopped and looked inside, shared our understandings but did not have any breakthroughs. I felt unclear about the outcome of the days work. I thought we had done the best we could but felt uneasy that we had not really clarified the truth well enough for all the time we spent.

Then late that evening a practitioner called and said they had a lawyer friend we could call the next day who most likely help us. Now I felt even more certain I was not in accordance with the Fa that day. How could we spend all day calling lawyers and not have clarified the truth well to people. I felt that our time was wasted because we weren't able to save more people. I shared this several days later with my fellow coordinator and she said she had also a tribulation with why we weren't able to find a lawyer.

Next day brought on a new array of tribulations as we waited all day to find out that we still didn't have a lawyer. The practitioner's friend did not want to represent us. So after all that we now decided to handle it ourselves. A decision that we all agreed was the best solution.

Now the next day was when my attachments really began to be exposed. One of my responsibilities was to find someone to serve the lawsuit on the Party Secretary from Anhui Province. So first thing in the morning I began to call. While I called, several other practitioners went to court to file the papers.

As I called, everyone I spoke to told me that we could not serve that complaint on Sunday. At this time we had no other information about the Secretary's whereabouts other than he was only scheduled to be at the hotel on Sunday. So we thought we would only be able to serve him on Sunday.

I told this to practitioners at the courthouse. They told me that the clerk's office and the lawyers at the Federal courthouse said we could. So all day long we went back and forth. I said we couldn't they said we could. So I called more process servers and they told me the same thing. "You can't do it on Sunday." "You can do it with permission from the Judge though." The odd thing about it is I did not care one way or the other.

I called down to the courthouse again and spoke to my fellow practitioners and I told them we need a court order to do it on Sunday. They said we didn't. I said, "Everyone who I talk to won't work on Sunday. They say they cannot do it, it is against the law for them to do it." At this point, I went online and looked up the Massachusetts State law and it said you couldn't serve anyone on Sunday. But we still didn't agree. So the day came and went. No process server was hired and no permission from the judge. I could not understand why this was happening. It just didn't make any sense even after looking inside.

We got together that Friday night to share about what we could do. I felt that since we could not do it on Sunday we should follow the law and find out more information on the Secretary's itinerary. I knew we would be able to serve him but I felt we should follow the law to make certain the lawsuit was done correctly. Others felt we could do it ourselves and we didn't need help from anyone and we would just do it on Sunday. By this time I had become so narrow minded and unwilling to listen to others. I thought, "All day long people have been telling me that it is not legal and you still want to do it in an incorrect manner." I was unwilling to hear what others thought at the time, right or wrong.

It seemed after a great of amount of discussion we didn't get anywhere.

The next day I woke up and started to call again to find a process server. We were getting nowhere. I felt that over the past several days all this time spent talking to people, talking to practitioners was too much talking. It was not right. I thought we should spend more time studying the Fa and sending righteous thought. This is where my fellow coordinator and I began to differ, as she felt we needed to share with more practitioners. She also shared with me that this was all part of the process and we shouldn't look at it from success or not success approach. I still felt the process needed some improving on a fundamental level and that was why things were not going smoother.

So late that afternoon we decided after not finding anyone we would serve the papers ourselves. As soon as we decided solidly and from our heart we would do this… the process server called us back.

We went to meet him and he told us many things we didn't know about the whole procedure. As it turns out we were unable to serve him ourselves. We also were told that we couldn't serve the Secretary before sunrise. This was getting sillier by the minute.

So off we were again on how we should approach this. By now I was certain everything was okay, as we had a process server and we had our lawsuit filed. Nothing to worry about just trust Teacher and everything would be fine. But I still hadn't seen how narrow-minded and stubborn I was being.

Right up until we served the Party Secretary, Master gave me chance after chance to let go of this attachment. But all I saw was potential interference with Monday morning's service. One practitioner still wanted to do this, another wanted to do that. I just couldn't understand why everyone wouldn't just let things happen naturally. It would all turn out right. I knew it. So while I was really calm and clear on this point I did not trust my fellow practitioners to do what was best because of our differences in understandings. But as we waited Sunday night and into Monday morning I realized a fundamental attachment I had; I didn't trust anyone. With the help of my fellow practitioners I realized that this was a significant impediment to my improvement. I realized I must get rid of this immediately. All this trouble was because I wasn't listening to others or trusting them. No matter what though, I was determined we would bring the Party Secretary to justice.

On Sunday we found out he would be going to Harvard University the next day so he wouldn't leave town early Monday morning. This was a relief to everyone. While attending the same function in the hotel that night a practitioner took the elevator with the Party Secretary. As the Secretary tried to step off the elevator his friend said, "You're not on this floor you are in room # ---" So now we even knew exactly what room he was staying. No problem. Everything went exactly as I thought it would. But then why did I feel so tired. We just suffocated the evil. We saved countless lives by exposing this guy. All I thought about was how those people in Anhui Province would be safer now. They wouldn't have to fear the persecution any longer. We were going to save them.

I went home from the hotel and finished up the media work. I looked inside and I knew I was to blame for the disharmony amongst everyone, but I didn't know what my attachment was. I studied the Fa, wrote another article for Epoch Times and put it out of my mind. After a couple days I started to feel much better about the whole thing. I had exposed a great deal of my selfishness. After listening to other practitioners heartfelt sharing about what they experienced I felt better when I saw the true nature of what we had done. No matter whether I was part of this or not, it had to be done and it was. That gave me solace.

By continuing to memorize "Towards Consummation" and really making an effort to look inside recently I have actually been able to find many things. I said to a practitioner that it feels as though I never looked inside before now. All my adult life I have wanted to cultivate. I never really wanted anything else. I wanted to become selfless and free of attachments, and kind. Since I attained the Fa I have been so frustrated at my inability to really dig out my attachments. I thought how can I be a cultivator and not really be getting rid of this filthy stuff. Of course I have been improving and understanding the requirements for Fa rectification but my xinxing never seemed to improve. I thought how do understand all these magnificent things and not be truly selfless? Even when I found my attachments they never seemed to go away. All these tribulations that have occurred in my cultivation I could never understand why they happened. It all seemed so pointless until I fell out of that tree.

I still hadn't been able to understand that until just this past evening. That night after we finished practicing on the steps of MIT, a practitioner visiting our area came up to me. She began to immediately tell me what we should do there, why and how, etc. It was like a machine gun blast. I teetered on the very edge of the steps on one foot with my back to the steps. One wrong move and I would have fallen straight down the steps. I didn't even have my crutches. She came at me so strong I thought she was going to push me over. She began to tell me about how we should do this and that. I was trying to explain what we did there, etc. She then said to me very forcefully, "You need to listen to practitioners!" I was shocked she was so close to me I literally was afraid I was going to fall for a minute. I then asked her to back up a bit. The next thing she said was quite interesting as well. She said, "I was only trying to help you." Now the funny thing is she is very kind gentle woman and not typical behavior you would expect from her at all. Although she was saying she was trying to help me, her body position and her movements didn't fit what she was saying. I believe that Master used her to point out something very fundamental to me. Even to the point making her tell me she was trying to help me. Of course she was trying to help in the best way possible. To help me to enlighten to a most fundamental problem I had. I need to listen to people. Really from my heart, at all times, but I didn't make the connection yet to breaking my foot until later that evening.

I was quite stunned at first but because of being open to the situation I saw how serious this was, where it took place on the edge of the steps, and that I might fall if I didn't realize how important this was. All I could think is Master is so compassionate to me to really give me this chance to be saved again.

On the way home from study group that night I shared with another practitioner what I had enlightened to from that incident. He than said to me maybe that's why you fell from the tree because you weren't listening He said "didn't the guys you work with tell you not to tie into the branch? I said no but they did say that they thought it wasn't a good idea when I got down. I had to climb the tree twice. When I went up the second time I was going to move the rope but I didn't, that's when I fell.

I then thought about…It really might be why it happened. Of course it probably was the old forces, and Teacher used the opportunity to help me enlighten to it. For certain I am fundamentally aware of how important it is to listen to my fellow practitioners from both these experiences.

I really wish to thank everyone who has endured my attachments and helped me through this difficult period. I truly cherish each one of you. It has been of the highest honor to cultivate together with you especially over the past several weeks. As we continue together on this journey let's really try to help each other walk our paths well.

In closing I would like to share with you this poem that I wrote-



To look within without purpose

To be worthy of Dafa and Master's infinite grace

Without loss or gain,
a happy heart.

To truly suffer without benefit,
No more karma.

To rise from humanness,
Ascending once more to the realm of Buddha-