PureInsight | December 22, 2003
[PureInsight.org] Ever since childhood, my life's journey has been different than others who were of the same age. I lived with my grandparents because my parents were often out of town for long periods of time. My grandpa was an old intellectual who was very much a Confucian. At an early age, I started to read, and received very traditional Confucian education. I learned many traditional principles, which were deeply impressed into my mind.
Because I started reading at a very early age, or to put it another way, because of Teacher's arrangements, I probably have read about ten thousands books. Mostly out of curiosity, I have read all kinds of books, and when I was young I could almost recite many books such as "One Hundred Thousand Whys." After I went to college I read even more, to the point of even reading almost all of the books in nearby bookstores. My reading has included some English books, and I have watched about a thousand movies. Even though I had not directly experienced many things in the world, I have indirect understandings of many things through reading.
Such experiences may be for Fa-rectification, and have made me a person that is accustomed to thinking with rationality. Frankly speaking, I was one of those so-called "smart and capable persons" in ordinary people's society. Human history often repeats itself. People in different dynasties and different eras almost always seem to have the same thoughts and judgments. When encountering similar situations, many solutions and mentalities can be found in almost the same instances in history. Thus, in my news coverage assignments, I had many insights into what was really going on, and was not trapped by surface appearances.
However, it also created a problem. Master said:
I once talked about what a good person is and what a bad person is. It is not that one who appears to have committed a bad deed is a bad person and one who has done something good is a good person. Some people's minds are full of bad thoughts—it is just that they have not shown them or have slyly concealed them relatively well; yet these are truly bad people. Some people, on the other hand, are not bad to begin with but occasionally commit wrong deeds; these people are not necessarily bad people. Then how should we understand good people and bad people?A person is like a container, and he is whatever he contains. All of what a person sees with the eyes and hears with the ears are: violence, lust, power struggles in literary works, struggles for profit in the practical world, money worship, other manifestations of demon-nature, and so on. With his head filled with these, this kind of person is truly a bad person, no matter what he appears to be.
(From "Melt Into the Fa" in Essentials for Further Advancement)
From all the books I have read over my lifetime, such thinking or so-called intelligence and plots that people had formed through history also have gotten into my mind. Before I obtained the Fa, I found the traditional values of society often make people suffer losses. Thus, I often used tactics or plots to change my behavior intentionally, and I was even very proud of that. My attitude was arrogant about my talent and I was cynical. Plus, I was trying to be cool and different with special thoughts and behaviors. I was seeking satisfaction of my desires and anaesthetizing myself with everyday people's enjoyment. Thinking back, without Teacher's Compassionate Salvation, I really don't know where my journey would have deviated to.
After obtaining Dafa, those old attitudes were still haunting me. Although those attitudes helped me with resisting the evil when I was in China, it was just because I always regarded the media and propaganda in China as "lackeys and garbage" from the Communist Party. And the tactics they used to slander Dafa are really very low, and have many faults once analyzed with rationality according to Fa. Thus, all the rumors really didn't have any effect on me. However, in United Sates, my old attitudes that I use to think good now appear to be irresponsible in Dafa work. I would be very enthusiastic in things I am interested in or I think can reflect my capabilities. I would not treat some seemingly ordinary things seriously. As a result, I was rejected from a translation team.
Later, I worked as the editor for the special Falun Gong page in a newspaper. At that time, I had a heavy work load in school, and my self-discipline was bad. My poorxinxing immediately reflected in my work. Each time I saw errors in the articles I had just edited, which would lead to other practitioners needing to edit the articles again before publishing, I felt very ashamed. I almost hoped someone would start shouting at me, so that I could feel better. But the practitioners who were the leading editors always quietly corrected my errors, even after working throughout the night to unload articles off the server. They would just point out my errors patiently and never complained.
Teacher told us in Lecture at the Western United States Fa Conference,
"Buddhas are kind, and that's for sure. But that compassion is a manifestation of the great power of Buddha Fa. Regardless of how bad a person is or how vicious something is, things as strong as iron and steel will all melt away before the mighty power and compassion of Buddha Fa. That's why demons are scared when they see it — they are really afraid. They will melt away and vanish. This is absolutely different from what man imagines."
Although I did not say anything, I knew I was wrong. So many fellow practitioners made great efforts for the newspaper, and one of the main purposes was to lay the foundation for the special edition for Falun Gong. But I was so careless with the editing. Can such mentality achieve the results of saving people? Teacher said,
"After this class, what you carry with you is the real gong, a high-energy matter. When you go home and write a few words—no matter how your handwriting is—it carries gong! Thus, should everyone from this class be entitled to the name of "master," and all become calligraphy qigong masters? I would say that it should not be understood this way. As a person with genuine gong and energy, you do not need to give it off intentionally; you will leave energy on whatever you touch, and it will all be shining brightly."
(From Lecture Six in Zhuan Falun)
I asked myself if I was leaving the compassion from my heart in the articles I edited or was I leaving the careless and undisciplined self that was even worse than everyday people. An everyday person, for his career, might review his work over a dozen times. Why did I have such an attitude toward Dafa?
According to Teacher:
"Do you know what principle I go by in Fa-rectification? I disregard all the sins beings have committed in the past! (Applause) During this Fa-rectification I only look at beings' attitudes toward the Fa-rectification! (Applause) I've left all the gates wide open. As I've told you, if I didn't even look at the attitude toward Fa-rectification, then the new Fa and the new cosmos wouldn't exist. That's why the attitude toward the Fa-rectification is critical. When you've really made a mistake with this, I can't even say anything when the old forces destroy you."
(From Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference)
My life was created by Dafa. Cultivation is to eliminate the elements of mine that are not in accordance with the Fa, and to assimilate myself into Dafa. My carelessness and irresponsibility toward the Fa were actually cooperating with my elements that had deviated from the Fa in order to act against my other elements that had assimilated into Fa.
I looked inward, and realized it was my human notion of so-called "being smart" that was affecting me. For those tangible gains, I classified them into several categories. If it were a big event that could affect my life greatly, I made great effort to do my best. If it would not affect me immediately, I would not do it or just make very little effort. Because my life would not be affected if I did not do well in Dafa work, I just didn't treat it seriously. I was doing it with condition and costs attached, rather than from Fa's perspectives. A practitioner should be good, whatever he does. I understood that "being good" should be a natural manifestation, just like drinking water when thirsty. It was not an intentional act or an act for saving face or honor. I realized a fundamental problem: even though I studied the Fa, I still used human notions to measure myself. If I had the capability, I would do it. If I felt it was difficult, I would be hesitant. If it was very difficult, I would not throw myself into the effort. I was actually still cultivating myself according to my notions instead of melting myself completely into the Fa. I was really not able to get through some tests.
Once we were studying Fa in a western practitioner's home. In Lecture Nine of Zhuan Falun, the English translation had a sentence: "When it's difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it's impossible to do, you can do it." I realized that so-called "knowing myself to not be able to do it" is also an attachment and obstacle. Everything I can see or imagine is not accidental. Teacher told us you can do it. Actually, the Fa already told us that, it was just my human side that did not want to do it.
Later I had a big test. It came as the Ph.D qualifying exams. If I passed the exams, I could get my Ph.D degree in two to four years. Otherwise, I might be dismissed from the program or have to start over. My undergraduate study was in medical science, and I was not very good at biology. After coming to the States, I did not have much time after classes and Dafa work. Also, I did not place special requirements on myself, and I always felt I was too tired to do the studying. Many times I relied on the last moment of intense study for a week to pass exams. Even though the exams were passed, I did not study solidly. It happened that during that period the newspaper community activity column of New York area was shorthanded. There was a two month period when only another practitioner and I were able to work for the weekend edition. Meanwhile, there were many activities. So, it was hard for me to concentrate on preparing for my qualifying exams. Once, I even had a thought that it doesn't matter; the worst would be two years' of being a lab technician and then take the qualifying examination. But such superficial sacrifice was still from seeking my personal comfort and refusing to face the hardship, and refusing to go through the journey that Teacher arranged for me. If I failed the exams, how would the many people who knew me look at the issue? What would be their impression of Dafa? Meanwhile, a resident doctor is very busy in the first few years and it would almost be impossible to find time to do Dafa work. Also, my resources at the university and my living place could serve well for the Epoch Times. If I went along with the alternative path to becoming a medical doctor, it seemed easier for now, otherwise many news coverage workloads would have to be put on other practitioners. I decided I would not let the old forces drag me down. Once I had the determination, I started to prepare for the exams. While everyday I did a lot of Fa study and sending forth righteous thoughts, I read hundreds of scientific papers. I knew I should be able to get it if I stick with Teacher's arrangements. As a result, almost all the questions that the professors asked were in my preparation, so that the oral exam was just like repeating my preparation. Now, my time is flexible to work as a news reporter.
My pen name is "Wei Shi." A practitioner reminded me that the first character "Wei" is to eliminate human notions from greatness through cultivation. I also understand that the second character "Shi" is to eliminate the plotting and tactics and to behave solidly. After eliminating the bad elements, I found my wisdom in the articles I wrote. Master stated:
"It's because Dafa disciples with artistic skills have abilities and energy. If the things you do aren't upright, or aren't upright enough, you'll reinforce the unrighteous elements, which will affect human society even more. In cultivation, you're supposed to rectify yourselves by cultivating away everything that's not good. You should be a good person wherever you are. So in the field of the arts you should be a good person as well, and in your artwork you should display what's beautiful, what's upright, what's pure, what's good, and what's bright and positive."
(From Teaching the Fa at the Discussion on Creating Fine Art)
In everyday society, we need to cover a lot of news. Actually much of the news can be reported from different angles. Despite the neutral appearance, it could actually create different impressions in people's mind. For example, the news in China often fosters hatred and the emphasis is on any means that can be used for the national interest, thus making people think people's relationships are determined by interest and gain, and people can forget their consciences in order to achieve their goals. They also emphasize the dark side of other countries, thus making people think the world is ugly and vulgar, and wearing away people's expectation of goodness. Human society is indeed not good, but we are not magnifying those bad things. We are trying to lead people to goodness and awaken their nature to understand the Fa positively. Thus, when I wrote the articles I focused on the parts of the events that reflected people's good natures. Actually, when we talk about reality, the reality is not just reflecting the ugliness. Actually, the bad reality that is not good for people is not what I want to cover.
Before I began to write, I started with Fa-study and sending forth righteous thoughts. Then, I could express my viewpoint in every word without obvious intention. Many times, I did it like making pills with sugar coating. It was according to people's attachments, and sometimes it was through good literary work, unique questioning or by just adding related background information to satisfy their curiosity. It may have been with one word, just to attract people to read it. I am clear about the factors behind it. It was not to stimulate people's desire to read. I knew people may not agree when they read it the first time, or they may think "The Epoch Times" is a Falun Gong newspaper. As long as they read it a second or third time or more, eventually they would be gradually influenced. This may be what I learned through writing articles and covering the news.
I know I will take more responsibility later on, while at the same time, I need to prepare for my examination to qualify for medical school. However, I know that I will certainly do my best to continue my path as a Dafa practitioner until the end.
At this Thanksgiving time, I want to thank two practitioners for their help in my cultivation. I also want to thank all my fellow practitioners working for "The Epoch Times." They work in distribution, web site, coordination, sales and editing. Many people cannot see the direct impact of their work and, I get to see my articles published or quoted on other websites. However, their silent contributions are greater. I want to thank Teacher for his Great Compassion. When I did not do well in cultivation over and over again despite Teacher's compassion, Teacher still tried to save me. I want to thank Teacher for giving me the opportunity of being a Dafa disciple in this Fa-rectification period, and letting me have such a special honor of being in this human world when Teacher is here. There are no such opportunities in this cosmos a second time. I was so ordinary, yet so lucky. I want to say, "Thank you, Teacher, for every day of my life."
