PureInsight | April 5, 2008
[PureInsight.org] (Los Angeles Fahui 2008)
I would first like to say that I have repeatedly failed tests for the
entire 5 years of my cultivation in Dafa. I know that the only
reason that I am still here among you, is due to Masters endless
patience, forgiveness and benevolence. Words cannot express my
gratitude. Thank you Master. Heshi
I am deeply honored to be here with you my fellow practitioners. Heshi
Some understandings on sharing, selfishness, becoming one body and my personal cultivation
The way I see it everything in cultivation is about giving up the
attachment to self. It then naturally follows that everything
about sharing is also really about giving up the attachment to self.
The self never listens to anyone else, because it will only listen to
itself. The self never sees anything else because it only wants to
admire itself. The self never talks to anyone else because it
only wants to hear its own opinions. It is only interested in
displaying itself to itself. To put it in more concise and
familiar terms, the self is only interested in validating its
self. Thus the self is stuck within its self. Selfishness is
literally a prison.
It is my understandings that, if we are able to give up all of our
selfishness, become nothing, empty and still, then any being standing
before us can be opened like a door into itself, which is actually a
dimension and, since everything is alive, this also includes all
particles as well as thoughts and words. Master said, "If there
were such an instrument through which we could expand and see the level
at which all atomic elements or molecular elements could manifest in
their entirety, or if this scene were observed, you would reach beyond
this dimension and see the real scenes existing in other dimensions.
The human body corresponds to external dimensions, and they all have
such forms of existence" (Zhuan Falun, pg. 63). On page 60 of
Zhuan Falun Master said, "The Tao school regards the human body as a
small universe." On page 29 of Zhuan Falun, Master said, " All
matter in the universe including all substances that permeate the
universe, are living beings with thinking minds." On page 28 of Zhuan
Falun, Master said, "In fact let me tell everyone that matter and mind
are one thing."
In light of these concepts, I have come to the understanding that when
practitioners share their thoughts, they are, in essence, actually
opening a doorway leading into themselves and their dimensions.
My understanding is that these doorways are also energy passages.
Taking this understanding a step further, each practitioner actually
acts as a guardian, a gate and an energy passageway within the one body
of Dafa.
Holding back when we have something to share, or not listening,
is, in essence, selfish. Selfishness causes one to close in on oneself,
resulting in the energy channels becoming pinched or closed. Having
attachments causes the energy channels to become tangled. Selfishness
leads to attachments, and attachments increase selfishness, so the two
work together cutting off the flow. If we are closed off from
other practitioners and the Fa, we are then in essence acting as a
blocked energy channel within the one body of Dafa, and we are
effectively cutting ourselves off from the Fa and out of the one
body. The more we open to each other, the more we create a
unified flow of energy between individual practitioners and within the
entire one body. True, compassionate sharing and understanding
can then manifest. This begins within each individual
practitioner through personal cultivation. It is then reflected
outwards through other open practitioners who are all acting as open
energy channels. It then becomes real within the entire one body. This
may eventually cause each individual practitioner and the entire one
body to consummate simultaneously.
In my own experience, selfishness had become so much a part of my own
awareness that, for years, I could not recognize it or feel it even
during meditation. That is to say that I was unaware that I was
concentrating on holding on to myself rather than concentrating on
nothing and simply letting myself go.
Throughout my cultivation I have always had occasional days of pure
suffering. It continues to occur, but I now understand it, so it is
less frequent, it comes with less intensity, and does not last as
long. It is a unique kind of suffering that comes from deep
within myself, a soul wrenching sorrow not for anything in particular,
just a general sense of loss. Within this sense of loss, there is
a certain sense of yearning and longing. For a long time I could not
figure it out.
Then I became aware that it comes when I need to give up more of myself
to Dafa. It happens when there is an increase in the energy running
through the center of my heart and consciousness. It radiates out
from my body and out from the top of my head. When my awareness
is one of selfishness, my heart is pinched and the energy cannot flow
through me. This causes the energy to become backed up like water
at a dam. This buildup of pressure is one aspect of the
psychological and spiritual pain.
The main part however is caused by one side of myself yearning to go
higher and being stopped by the selfish side which does not want to
give itself up. The selfish side longs for itself. This longing
is also a form of self pity and mourning. The selfish side tries to
close itself off from the Fa in order to hang on and survive, rather
than give itself over and open into Dafa.
Now, when I feel this pain, I immediately become aware that I am trying
to hold on to myself, and that I need to take another step. I
then delicately feel into the pain, and place my heart with all
sincerity before Master and the endless expanse of the Fa. I
sacrifice my heart. It actually feels like my heart turns over,
that the energy and my fundamental consciousness reverse from taking to
giving. This instantly opens my heart, and all of my energy channels,
allowing the energy to flow smoothly again.
The pain immediately turns into a tremendous sense of awe, power,
clarity and an outpouring of benevolence for the entire universe.
I am consciously reversing my heart nature, from facing down and in, to
facing out and up. I see my heart opening like a flower, bathed
in the light of the Fa. My old selfish awareness was a habit,
formed over a very long period of time, out of the nature of the old
universe. I can see it clearly now. I am consistently becoming
more aware of it throughout each day, especially while doing the
exercises. I am consciously sacrificing myself, every day, piece
by piece, sanding myself down, polishing the diamond. With perfect,
patient, benevolence, Master consumes each new pure particle that I
reveal, gently dissolving me into the Fa.
Thank you Master.
