PureInsight | April 9, 2006
[PureInsight.org] (Los Angeles
Fahui 2006) Here I want to share some of my cultivation experiences
during the past 6 months. Not because how well I did during this period
of time, actually I did very poorly, but because I witnessed Master's
great benevolence, Dafa's great power, and fellow practitioners' great
compassion. It also revealed some of my very basic attachments. I want
to share with you about those attachments. By doing so, I hope to get
rid of them as soon as possible.
Many practitioners in the US west region knew that a San Diego
practitioner was in a car accident last summer. I am that practitioner.
In last August of last year, a drunk driver hit me on the driver's
side. I passed out right away. My wife, also a practitioner, sat by me
and fortunately wasn't hurt badly. The car was damaged terribly. After
inspecting the damage, the towing guy asked, 'Are there any survivors?"
Well, thanks to Master, both of us survived, and are both present here
today.
I was sent to the hospital's ICU. There were quite a few fractures in
my spine and pelvis, together with broken five ribs, many bleeding
organs, a badly injured kidney, and a collapsed lung. My wife told me
afterwards that there were all kinds of tubes in my body. I still have
some dim memory of the medical staff doing first aid on me. In that dim
memory, I was murmuring "Shifu (Master)".
After hearing the news, all the fellow practitioners were very
concerned. Lot of them came to the hospital as soon as they could.
Normally the ICU only allows a couple of family members to enter. As
many practitioners were coming to see me, the hospital eventually
allowed more than a dozen of them in. Thus, the ICU witnessed a scene
that never happened there before: over a dozen non-family-members
squeezed in a small unit, and they were sending forth righteous
thoughts for me.
On that very night my injuries got really serious and some nurses even
thought that I might not make it. However, with Master's compassion and
fellow practitioners' righteous support, I made it. My wife kept
playing the music of "Pudu" in the unit, which always could calm me
down from anxiety and restlessness. Many nurses commented that they had
never heard something this beautiful and calming, and this is Dafa's
power!
After the accident, all the practitioners were looking inside. They
realized that, besides my own attachments, this was mostly interference
from the old forces. We had just had a first meeting about how to
promote the first Chinese New Year Gala in San Diego. It's a big
project, involving lots of manpower. San Diego doesn't have many
disciples. So every one of us had to take on lots of responsibilities.
This accident directly took away two active disciples, me and my wife,
but also took away lots of fellow practitioners' time.
However, the mighty current of Fa-rectification cannot be stopped or
postponed. The fellow practitioners used their righteous thoughts to
negate all the old forces' arrangements, continued all the projects
being planned, and at the same time arranged time to come see me. I
stayed in the ICU for 11 days. I lost most memories of what happened
there. But I still remember all the warm faces before my eyes and all
the encouraging words in my ears. With the help from Master and all the
fellow practitioners, I recovered very fast, at a speed that amazed all
the doctors and nurses. The fellow practitioners didn't miss the chance
to introduce Dafa to them. All of them were very much impressed. After
that I was transferred to the common ward and released from the
hospital 3 days later.
After getting back home, I had great mental pressure and many human
notions coming up. There is Master's picture hanging on the wall. But I
never dared to take a look. When I read the Fa, I always skipped over
the page with Master's photo. I felt that I didn't deserve being a Dafa
disciple, that this accident happened mostly because of my huge
attachments, and that I caused great loss to San Diego's
Fa-rectification projects. The fellow practitioners always brought me
exciting news when they dropped by, such as attending another great
parade, holding another great event, and so on and so forth. I could
see that all the disciples were busy with different projects. But I
just couldn't get out of bed, and kept my wife indoors most of the time
to take care of me. And I couldn't get much rest at night because of
the pain. I got anxious again, of which my demon nature took advantage
of. A lot of xinxing conflicts happened between me and my wife.
Because of the fast recovery in the beginning, I also hoped for a
miracle upon myself, that I could totally recover in just a few days. I
thought about it so much, so much so that it became a strong attachment
of pursuit. One week passed, then another, and another. It didn't
happen. Then the pursuit changed to lots of worry. The fellow
practitioners observed all these and took time to share their thoughts
with me, trying to rectify my way of thinking, urging me to have faith
in Master and the Fa, and to read more. At the same time, my wife
didn't compromise too much on my requests out of human notions, such as
requests for a pain killer when I couldn't endure the pain. She treated
me as a fellow practitioner and always tried to share with me her
understanding upon the Fa and pointed out my human notions.
I began to think about why this happened. Looking inwards brought me
mental pain. I knew clearly that there must be a big loophole in my
xinxing. But I just didn't want to accept, face, or touch it. Finally I
found my biggest problem, which is the problem of selfishness. I was
involved in many Dafa projects before the accident, and fostered
selfishness in my Dafa work. I looked at myself as being very important
to San Diego's Dafa projects and often behaved in a very self-centered
manner. Actually I was not trying to testify about the Fa, but rather
to testify about myself. Also, I had strong attachments of enjoyment.
Just days before the accident, I was thinking about driving to the
mountain area to enjoy myself, totally forgetting that every minute now
is precious time that should be used to save sentient beings. Of course
I still have many other attachments.
There is one thing that I want to share with you, which displayed the
great power of the Fa. One morning, I was reading the Fa, when I felt
cold. My wife covered me up with a couple of blankets, but they didn't
bring much effect. I began to shiver more and more. I slept for a
while. The shiver stopped during the sleep. But I was awakened by
sweating all over. I changed twice, but the clothes soon got soaked
again twice more. My wife helped me to sit up. I felt like I was
losing control of my body and panted terribly. My conscience seemed to
be detached from me. Everything began to feel like dreaming. I just
couldn't send forth strong righteous thoughts. I really didn't know
what to do, and even thought, "I don't want to die like this!" My wife
also worried a lot and almost called for an ambulance. Suddenly she
remembered something and shouted at me, "Let's recite Lunyu together!"
Over the recitation, I began to feel everything real to me again. My
breaths calmed down, together with my heart. I couldn't hold my tears
after finishing Lunyu. Master helped me to break through another pass.
Slowly my injuries began to heal. But the recovery slowed down. The
main reason is that as the pains lessened and sleeping improved, my
deep-rooted pursuit of comfort and ease came up again. My righteous
thoughts were not as strong. I didn't treat myself strictly like a
practitioner, but tried to find excuses for myself, like an ordinary
person, in things like not having a good sleep in almost two months,
getting tired easily, pains all over the body and needing rest.
Accordingly, the Fa's power wasn't display as greatly. I could seldom
see much improvement in the recovery for several weeks. Sometimes it
even got worse.
The compassionate Master doesn't want to leave behind any disciple,
even disciples as bad as me. A new article that was published during
those days, "The closer to the end, the more diligent you should be",
struck me like a hammer. Master teaches us, "you should take fewer
detours on this most magnificent, divine path; not leave reason for
regret in your futures; and not fall so far behind in terms of levels."
As a Dafa disciple, the only hope for people to get saved, I cannot
slacken like this. The pursuit to comfort was still very strong. But I
could feel that it weakened a little whenever I read this scripture.
However the pursuit was really hard like granite. I got despondent
again after a period of time. Then the Fahui in San Francisco took
place and Master came to speak. During his teaching, he mentioned
multiple times the issue of laziness and how to regard different
practitioners' karma. Dafa is so harmonizing, encompassing everything
and losing nothing. Master explained the answers to all the questions
in my mind, and offered me great encouragement. I regained some energy
and stood up. I began to walk with a walker and later switched to a
walking cane.
Many practitioners told me that we must upgrade in a thorough manner.
We could only uplift if we do all the 3 things well. I already started
reading the Fa and sending forth righteous thoughts. But I didn't take
part in any truth clarification project. The opportunities were very
soon to come.
Upon the coming of Christmas, we need to visit the advertising clients
of the Epoch Times. Because I have many clients under my account and
other people were all busy with other projects, I decided to take that
responsibility. My wife worried about my health and my driving a lot.
But I believed that, with righteous thoughts, I would have no problem
in doing Dafa projects, as Master will protect me and righteous gods
will support me. It was quite a miracle. At that time my right foot
often had spasms and numbness. But this never happened when I was
driving.
After the New Year, everyone was busy working on the promotion and
preparation for the gala. We were really running short of hands. Seeing
others so busy and thinking about all the people who need to be saved,
I couldn't stay outside any longer. I couldn't lose this precious
cultivation opportunity, just because I didn't feel comfortable. Dafa
disciples are the only hope for the people to be saved. At the last and
more crucial moment of the great battle between good and evil, at the
moment of numerous sentient beings facing the danger of being wiped
out, I cannot leave myself deep sorrows in the future just because I
wanted to be comfortable.
I began to volunteer for light work duties, such as doing Chinese
calligraphy in the gala's booths. My attachments were still striking me
hard. I was very reluctant to go passing out flyers, on the excuse that
I couldn't stand very long. Nonetheless I felt more energetic every
time after I participated in an activity. Soon after that I dropped the
walking cane.
I still got tired easily. But as I began to be involved in Dafa
projects after several months, I felt like a real practitioner again.
The great torrent of Fa-rectification pushes us forward. The gala gave
me a good opportunity to speed up my recovery. Many people said that I
looked better every day. Now the gala gained great success, and I
regained my energy. I'm a Dafa disciple again!
There are still quite many attachments that I have to deal with. But
after this test of life and death, I will not lose this great
opportunity to cultivate in the Fa-rectification period, and try to be
worthy of the title of "a Dafa Disciple," a title that shines
throughout the whole universe.
Before I finish my sharing, I want to share with you a passage of
Master's recent teaching, "Dafa disciples, you are golden light in the
mortal world, the hope of the world's people, Fa-disciples who help
Master, and future Fa-Kings. Keep diligent, Awakened Ones that walk the
earth: Everything of today will be the glory of the future."
