PureInsight | April 2, 2006
[PureInsight.org] Looking back
at the path I took while participating in the NTDTV Chinese New Year
Gala, I realized that several of my attachments have been exposed. I
wasn't steadfast enough. At the very beginning, I didn't want to get
involved and only did so at the encouragement of fellow practitioners.
Many times I wanted to back out and only stayed in because I was too
embarrassed to tell people I wanted to quit.
Living in the ordinary people's society, I seem to be a "natural-born
leader." I tend to become the leader in virtually every situation I am
in. I am good at understanding, communicating with, and tolerating
others. It is very easy for me to understand everybody's ideas and
tolerate various opinions. But at the same time, I've unconsciously
developed an excessive pride in my own position. Since I started to
cultivate Falun Dafa, both the good and bad sides of this trait of mine
have surfaced.
In the NTDTV Gala preparation team that I participated in, I
"naturally" became the coordinator. Around the time of the
performances, I often felt bothered because my work with the gala often
interfered with my other Dafa work. Therefore, I often had the thought
of leaving the group. I had trouble balancing all my projects and
always wanted to take the easy way out in every situation. My arrogance
among ordinary people surfaced and made me disrespect fellow
practitioners' feelings.
Finally yesterday around noontime, I got a letter from a practitioner.
The letter was meant to encourage me. But it said that I was too
concerned with "establishing my reputation as the team leader." I was
offended by those words and became angry. I was angry because I
felt the practitioner had thought too little of me. How could she think
that I had the filthy thought of "preserving my reputation as the team
leader?" I told myself that no matter how much she had meant to
encourage me, I would never again be the team leader. Yet the next day
I pondered quietly, "Master Li has taught us to look inward whenever a
conflict occurs. Isn't what happened a conflict since I felt angry?" I
decided to look inward with a calm mind and wrote down my thoughts.
Why did the fellow practitioner write to me that I need to make other
team members feel convinced by my decisions? Why did she say that my
aim shouldn't be to "establish my reputation as the team leader?" My
initial reaction was that she was wrong. How could I care something as
mundane and filthy as my own reputation as the team leader?
But after I dug deeper, I realized that I had indeed felt excessive
pride in my "leadership skills" among ordinary people without my
realizing it. In ordinary human society, if one devotes oneself to
public service and does something good, he will be praised. If one
becomes a leader, he will give orders to others. If one accomplishes
something, he will receive compliments from others. I have indeed
gained all these things in ordinary human society. But how could I
expect the same thing among practitioners? In "Teaching the Fa at the
Meeting with Asia-Pacific Students", Master said: "Actually you're just
liaisons, people who serve others, and you have no power or authority.
Coordinate everyone well, and that's the best function you can serve
helping Master at the human surface level."
In the past, I had regarded myself as being able to live up to Master's
requirement. I thought I had indeed been working to help others.
Actually many of my attachments were hidden beneath when I was helping
others. I hoped that other practitioners would follow what I said and
not have their own ideas. I hoped that fellow practitioners would see
my accomplishments and praise me, and I hoped to receive compliments
from practitioners when I fulfilled the important duty of being a
coordinator ... ...
Thank you, compassionate Master! When I did Dafa work with those deeply
hidden attachments, what I got was not cooperation, praise and
compliments from fellow practitioners. Instead I only heard hurtful,
untrue rumors about me one after another. I had almost been defeated. I
had felt that I shouldn't waste time in the group and should
concentrate on my work in another group. I didn't enlighten to it until
the conflict became so severe and I didn't know what to do. Only then,
did I start to calm down and look inward and try to dig out the deeper
root.
In the step by step process of pulling out the roots of my attachments,
I felt tranquility and purity of my inner heart. I no longer had the
thought of backing out from the performance team and became more
determined to participate in various Dafa work. It is because I
realized that what I am doing is to harmonize the whole body and save
sentient beings, and my work is incomparably magnificent and sacred.
"If you indeed improve yourselves this way, the things that you do with
a pure heart will be the best and most sacred" ("Further
Understanding", Falun Dafa - Essentials for Further Advancement).
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners. Thank you for pointing out my shortcomings.
Translated form:
http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2006/3/16/36052.html
