PureInsight | March 4, 2002
I remember that I once read a cultivation story from our favorite magazine, telling of the protagonist, an old monk, who had practiced cultivation throughout his life. Before he died, he asked his disciple to cremate his body together with a pillow he had used every day. Inside the pillow, his disciple found a silk handkerchief, embroidered with the word “Pan Pan,” a girl’s name. At that time I was very much moved by the story.
Now as a student of a Buddha School who practices cultivation at home, I have totally different feelings when I think of this story. Having cultivated for almost seven years, I have jumped over hurdles, one after another, and have rid myself of more and more human attachments. But sentimentality is still one I could not let go of. Every cultivator has his/her own attachments, and I have relatively fewer attachments to name and fame. Sentimentality will be my last attachment staying in my mind. As a cultivator I really do not want to be like the old monk who held his attachment toward sentimentality until the last minute. Everything in our lives is derived from predestined relationships. Among these, the most compassionate relationship is the opportunity to practice the righteous Fa cultivation. We must not miss this opportunity. My Master said: “During the cultivation process, you can take good care of your children and elderly. That’s not wrong. That’s not wrong either even for a cultivator. The key is not to be overly attached because attachments are exactly what cultivators fear. If any one thread ties you up, you won’t be able to depart.” (Lecture on the Fa at the US Midwest Conference)
The persecution of Falun gong started more than two years ago. My old friend, I really worried about you, a person with a deep, predestined relationship with the Buddha Fa. I was worried that you would be deceived by the evil propaganda in this high-density, evil environment. It is an enormous sin if one has animosity towards the Buddha Fa! One time in my dream I painstakingly looked for you in order to tell you the truth about the persecution. When I was about to find you, however, some people told me that you weren't worth my efforts. Finally I saw you in a room. You asked me: “Are you looking for me?” I answered “No” and left. I remember very clearly that many people with scars all over their bodies were groveling in the ground on my way back. I can now still clearly see the bleeding wound that one of them had. I felt very sad after I woke up from my dream. I asked myself where my compassion had gone. I don’t know if you can understand the heart-struck feeling of a cultivator when she realizes that she still has such a hidden, bad trait after such a long period of cultivation.
I had lost contact with you until recently when I got your contact information from the Internet, thanks to Master’s compassion. I was really happy I could tell you the truth of the Buddha Fa. I felt relieved immediately. I really felt pain in my chest before I called you. I knew that I was abandoning my attachment to sentimentality in other dimensions. During my cultivation, each time after I get rid of an attachment, I could clearly feel myself ascending into another spacious world.
After I got in touch with you again I found, though, that many kinds of attachments I thought I had already abandoned such as aggression, the show-off mentality and also sentimentality all came back to me. I understand it is just as Master said: “Let me tell you that Dafa cultivation is divided into different levels, just like a staircase. Like the example that I gave about the onion, the layer that’s been peeled off no longer exists, but there are still ones that haven’t been peeled away. In other words, they’re removed layer by layer, and only when all of them are removed can they cease to exist.” (Lecture at the Conference in New Zealand) I knew that those attachments were not me. They were not my original pure and nice true self. I would eliminate them. They were weak because I was cultivating the Buddha Fa.
I had always thought love in the human world to be pure and noble. That was why I held it so dear. All during these days my heart ached because of the difficulty of abandoning this attachment. I reflected on my attachment to sentimentality. I even thought about canceling this email account that we had used to write to each other, to escape from the dilemma. Wouldn’t I be the same as the old monk in the story if I did so? I did not put down the sentimentality from the bottom of my heart! Today I am suddenly clear that most of my attachment to sentimentality was actually an attachment to satisfaction and venting of my own emotions! What I loved and couldn’t let go of was in fact myself. Amidst sentimentality, do people really think about anything else other than their own feelings? There was such a selfish and impure side in this sentimentality I held so dear. It was the first time I realized that the affection I pursued so hard all this time had actually hurt you, myself and other people we loved. All of this was far from the realm of selflessness required by Buddha Fa cultivation. Everything seemed to become clear after I realized this. I saw the sentimentality I had stuck to leaving me. I really appreciate this good opportunity in my cultivation for self-reflection. Every test and difficulty is very precious for cultivators.
What replaces sentimentality, once it is gone, is actually more noble and selfless compassion. I know that compassion is the realm toward which I am soon cultivating. I believe you will know one day that the truth-clarifying materials I sent to you are the most precious, and I hope you can value the Buddha Fa in a righteous way, even though you are surrounded by the evil propaganda.
Translated from
http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2002/2/13/13787.html
