PureInsight | August 2, 2004
[PureInsight.org]
Cultivating Xinxing
Master said:
Can you be considered a Falun Dafa disciple if you just practice these few sets of exercises everyday? Not necessarily. This is because true cultivation practice must follow the requirements of the xinxing standard that we have established, and you have to truly upgrade your xinxing—then, it is true cultivation practice. If you only practice the exercises without improving xinxing and without the powerful energy that strengthens everything, it cannot be called cultivation practice; neither can we treat you as Falun Dafa disciples.
(From "I Treat All Practitioners as My Disciples" in Lecture Three of Zhuan Falun)
When I started cultivation, I lived with many fellow practitioners in a single house. I was busy working on projects that they passed on to me. I developed an illusion of "being diligent" and felt satisfaction from it. Throughout my entire life, I have been very aggressive. I had to be on top in whatever I did. Otherwise, I would rather not do it at all. I brought this human attachment into my cultivation. I was seeking "career development" in the cultivation community. Later on, I relied on Dafa Association members to assign projects to me and provide information to me. I felt as if I were even more "diligent" because I was busier every day and had a lot of conference calls and e-mails.
When I lost the environment and people I relied on, I faced a problem. For many projects, I could not carry them to completion. I could not overcome interference that did not affect me in the past. After careful reflection, I found that I had never gotten rid of some xinxing problems. I simply covered them up with the excuse of doing Dafa projects. I failed to actively cultivate myself in a number of different ways; therefore, the relevant xinxing issues were not resolved. Did I lose cultivation momentum because I did not have as many compliments from fellow practitioners? Because fewer people dragged me to conference calls? Shouldn't the wish of saving sentient beings be greater than the attachment of pursuit?
Master said:
Looking at the current situation, I think most of them are basically okay, but there are still ones who aren't, who look at the Fa in a human way, look at the persecution of Dafa disciples in a human way, and look at the three things that Dafa disciples should do in a human way. And especially when it comes to informing people about the facts, there are still many people who aren't making it a priority.
(From "Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference")
I had been treating cultivation and fellow practitioners in a human way. Here is an example. One day a fellow practitioner called me. First, he asked me about a situation that had happened long ago and asked me if I had overcome that. Then he asked me for help with a project. My immediate reaction was: "That thing happened such a long time ago, and now you are asking me whether I am OK with it? You do not really care about me. You wouldn't have thought of me if you didn't have that project that needed my help." Although this is a simple example, it is an example of treating fellow practitioners in a human way. My immediate reaction should have been: "This project is necessary. How can I help?"
Master said:
Actually, I'm thinking that with everything you, the Dafa disciples, are doing today, you aren't doing them for Dafa, and you aren't doing them for me, your master, either. You are doing them for yourselves. You are harmonizing your own worlds and establishing your own mighty virtue. You are collecting and saving beings that you need. You are all doing things for you, yourselves. From my perspective, as your master, I certainly have to tell you to do these things, because I want to harmonize everything of yours and I want to lead you to success. Only when you need things in certain regards do I tell you to go and do them.
(From "Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Atlanta Fa Conference")
Treating cultivation in a human way causes us not to handle well our relationships with Master and fellow practitioners. Human ways bring out wrong notions and judgments. For example, the notion of hierarchy can distort our thinking by placing certain people above others. Master has told us before that adding any non-Dafa things into Dafa is very dangerous.
Our Cultivation Environment
My mom stayed with me for a few months last year. At that time, I often neglected her and neglected my son, as I was busy doing Dafa projects. Every time it was non-negotiable when I went to an experience sharing conference or local meeting. I bought a round-trip air ticket for the Houston Fa Conference. I didn't tell her until a few days before the conference. When I told her my travel plan, she became furious. Then she said a lot of disrespectful things about Dafa and did disrespectful things to Dafa. I was shocked. I woke up: "Am I a cultivator?" I not only did not safeguard the Fa, but also caused Dafa and Master to be denegrated. Doesn't this show that I have big omissions in my cultivation?
I started to show her sympathy. I started to feel her pain. I realized that she was tired of babysitting her grandson every day, and that her feelings were really hurt by me, a daughter who she had always been proud of in the past. [Now, it seemed to her,] her daughter doesn't fit her "career woman" and "market competition" requirements any more. Many fellow practitioners helped explain things to me during that time. My mom noticed positive changes in me, but she simply couldn't tolerate being constantly neglected. I started to chat with her more often. Before she left for China, she said she was pleased with me. But I only chatted with her on average about 10 minutes a day! Later on, she went to Korea. She recommended the newspaper to her colleagues. She even made international phone calls to give me constructive suggestions about the newspaper.
Shortly before my mom left, I faced the issue of whether to let her take my son to China. Many fellow practitioners helped me overcome this in the end. My son stayed with me in the U.S. Starting from the beginning of this year, I send my son to family day care every day before going to work and picked him up after work. My son and I clarified the truth to the babysitter. Typically, once my babysitter understood the truth, some reason would come up and she had to quit. Then, we looked for another one. When I was looking for the third babysitter, I thought: "I am independent again. Even if something happens, I can still resort to elderly women." I couldn't find this third babysitter. It was a Saturday. If I didn't find a babysitter between then and the next day, I would not be able to go to work the next Monday. I became anxious. I checked with several elderly women, but none of them were available to baby-sit. I also went to Chinese grocery markets to post ads. It didn't work. Then, I suddenly had a thought: "Our cultivation environment is for cultivation only. It is not for solving my personal problems. Of course, I am very grateful for those fellow practitioners' help. However, I should not use our cultivation environment to solve my own problem or meet my needs. I should not occupy the time and energy of our fellow practitioners. Their time and energy are for saving sentient beings." Soon afterwards, I got a call from a Chinese family near my home. We settled the day care issue of my son that night..
After many frustrations and lessons, I realized that the Fa is used to restrain myself, not others. If I don't cultivate according to the xinxing standards Dafa teaches me, then I'm not a genuine practitioner. The best way to help others is to improve myself.
I used to consider people and things in terms of their utility. How this person is useful for me and how I'm useful for him. The typical example is my husband. He is a German Western practitioner. When he returned to the U.S. after going to Tiananmen Square in February 2002, I lied to the immigration officer when the officer called me. The officer then determined that my husband had worked illegally during his stay in the U.S. prior to the Beijing trip. As a result, he was deported back to Germany. Ever since then, he hasn't been able to return to the U.S.
Recently, when I was feeling down, I thought of him and concluded that he was completely useless. When I was sad, he couldn't even be around me and comfort me, and I thought: "He's useless." This thought alerted me. In the past, some fellow practitioners mentioned that I used my husband as a babysitter. I thought that if he was able to return to the U.S. and was unemployed, he could take care of our son. We would be able to save money.
When I just got married, I saw the Chinese character "compassion" with my tianmu. I didn't take it seriously, but thought that what I most needed to improve at that point was "forbearance." Before we got married, my husband didn't quite assimilate into the cultivation community in Germany. Prior to our marriage, many German practitioners were worried about me and told me information about my fiance. They didn't think it was a good idea to marry him. After my husband relocated to the U.S., our fellow practitioners in Washington DC quickly heard things about him. They weren't affected by notions, but co-operated with him in a positive way. They encouraged him to use his special skills to contribute to the events of July 20, 2001. This group cultivation environment helped my husband regain confidence in many ways.
Most of his non-compassionate experience came from me. I was very particular about what I would let myself give him. I required him to meet my standards. I didn't think it was possible to communicate with him about cultivation issues. I didn't encourage him positively, but was critical of him. I also made sure that he saw the pain I went through as a pregnant wife who was obligated to support the family financially. I did this to prove to him that he was a bad cultivator. I also treated him as a troublemaker who distracted me from my Dafa work. So I didn't really help him look for a job, although I revised a resume for him and directed him to some job-hunting resources. I was an obstacle of his job-hunting. In this way, I didn't help him. Nor did I help the family or myself.
At that time, a fellow practitioner told me: "Do not drag your husband behind." I was furious: "My goodness! Who is dragging whom behind? I am commonly regarded as a 'diligent' practitioner in my cultivation community. He is considered as a 'strayed' practitioner in the cultivation community in his home country." How harmful notions and human attachments are! Later on, I realized that I was indeed dragging both my husband and myself behind in cultivation. When we hold fellow practitioners to our own personal standards, then "lecture" them to "help" them, we are not helping anyone. Aren't fellow practitioners studying the Fa as we are? Isn't it that we all have problems in being able to do things in practice after we realize what needs to be done? When I cannot tolerate something in him, doesn't it mean that I need to improve? Isn't it good to provide fellow practitioners a compassionate and encouraging environment and have patience for them and for myself to improve?
On January 2004, I went to Sweden for a Fa-rectification activity. I joined my husband in Paris first. On the flight from Paris to Stockholm, he said to me, "You trashed me in the past. I will not accept this in the future." Then he gave several very convincing examples. One of the examples was: He wanted to get in touch with coordinators of the rescue team in Canada because he was involved in rescuing a fellow practitioner who was in Germany, but now detained in China. He asked for the names and phone numbers of those coordinators. I completely ignored his e-mail, while I was usually quick in replying to all his other e-mails. I was shocked. At that time, I just realized that the persecution of Falun Gong was the persecution of human dignity and spirit. I was using this talking point in truth-clarification a lot. However, I realized how I have been treating my practitioner husband. I cannot cover up my non-solid cultivation with Dafa projects! Master said in "Teaching the Fa at the Meeting with Asia-Pacific Students:"
Of course, just now I only talked about men. I need to talk a little about women now. (Audience laughs) Well, I'll go easy. (Audience laughs) As a woman, you in turn need to be understanding of your man. Women: you all want your man, your husband, to be a strong, upright and dignified, manly guy, but in your actions you always keep him down, keeping him under such tight control that he's like a woman (audience laughs). So how could he be manly?
I experienced some unnecessary tribulations in my marriage because I did not actively cultivate myself and held on to my attachments too long. I now examine myself from the perspective of validating the Fa, rather than just looking inward after I encounter tribulations. Our family has greatly improved. In the past, I couldn't share cultivation experiences with my husband without getting into arguments, not to mention cooperating on the same Dafa project. Now we can work together on truth-clarification packages. Our frequent phone conversations revolve around cultivation issues, truth clarification and encouragement. Now, I simply appreciate his existence and respect him. I no longer insist, "Prove to me you deserve my respect."
Thank you very much, Master. I'd also like to thank fellow practitioners' selfless assistance.
