PureInsight | August 9, 2004
[PureInsight.org] Recently I reviewed the hongfa and truth-clarification videos from the past five years. The path we have walked together over the past 5 years seems to be fading from our minds. I was deeply moved by the compassion and solid faith manifested in all of these faces – my fellow practitioners who tirelessly work for Dafa. All of the hardships we have endured, all of the hard work we have done are proving one thing, "Falun Dafa is good!" I recall that Master said in "The Disciples' Magnificence," "Dafa disciples are magnificent, because what you are cultivating is the ultimate Great Fa of the cosmos, because you have validated Dafa with righteous thoughts, and because you have not fallen during the massive tribulation."
Looking back over my six years of cultivation, coming overseas, I had to pass many tribulations - especially during the most severe persecution, when I had just graduated from college and was very busy with various truth clarification projects. Under the pressure of the persecution, I had to face many family tribulations that people my age normally do not need to face.
Master had just taught us how to send forth righteous thoughts, but I did not understand what the old forces' arrangements were. I still looked at things with sentimentality. But one point I clearly understood and gladly embraced was, no matter how difficult things got or how tempting it was to stop, I would never stop practicing Dafa. Fellow practitioners said that it seemed that I easily passed all of my tribulations at that time. However, I know myself that it was so difficult, as if I was totally reborn.
At that time everyone was devoted to clarifying the truth about the persecution. We lacked resources, and were very shorthanded. Everyone was stretched to their limits. We often worked through the night, but still needed to work or go to class during the day. I went from one project to another; such as distributing truth-clarification materials at tourist attractions, clarifying the truth to university professors, TV, newspapers,…wherever I was needed, I would appear. I had no time to think about my own suffering in the great current of Fa-rectification, but only felt the sentient beings' hopes and my own responsibility.
Master said, "Cultivation is hard. It's hard in that even when a terrible calamity strikes, even when evil madly persecutes, and even when your life is at stake, you still have to be able to steadfastly continue on your path of cultivation without letting anything in human society interfere with the steps you take on your path of cultivation."
When I felt pain in my heart, I could tell Master was right beside me, using the Fa to cleanse me and support me, to pull me forward. I could not take time to stop or to take a rest. Recalling that period, I am in tears for Master's Compassion, and am so proud of being a Dafa disciple. I am also very proud of my fellow practitioners who passed all their tribulations and followed the Fa-rectification process.
However, when the situation improved, I had to face the problems that I had ignored. Master said in "Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference," " Yes, you are clarifying the facts, are busy doing a lot of things, and there are many things to do; that has demonstrated the extraordinary side of Dafa disciples. But don't forget to cultivate away the most basic things!" There was a period of time that I seemed to forget the magnificence of being a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple; I also forgot the greatness of other Dafa disciples. I complained that our areas' cultivation environment was not good, that we did not support each other, had poor coordination, etc., until one day, I suddenly recognized that all of these situations were caused by my looking at them with my own attachments. The only one who had a problem was me, not the others.
When working on projects, it seemed there were big problems between fellow practitioners. Also, I thought they were all very strong, capable, and straightforward. If I were to participate, I would be the next to be criticized. I was in this cultivation environment, but I never actually put myself in it. When facing conflict, I always wanted to escape.
Sometimes when we had group meetings and it was my turn to speak, I always said that I had nothing to say. But when I asked myself, if I really do have something to contribute, do I dare to say it? No, I wouldn't. In fact, during some important discussions, I did not dare to express myself and be responsible. Why? Was I afraid of being criticized, or afraid of not speaking well? In fact, it was my attachment to fame and sentimentality that was being touched upon. Once, a male practitioner said, you ladies are always afraid of being criticized, afraid of losing face. I immediately replied, aren't you attached to your reputation? If someone criticizes you, are you sure your heart is not moved? Then I realized it was really just jealousy, feeling things were unfair. I thought that no one was perfect so if there was something that didn't work out well, then everyone had to share the blame. This way I was not looked at as being too bad compared to others, so then I would feel comfortable.
While I was avoiding conflicts, I was seeking outside. I started to complain that our environment had problems, we were not focused enough. I also said if the whole body has a problem everyone should look inward. It seemed that this was just said to others though. Sometimes, I knew that I had a strong personality; I liked to use my view to comment on others, hoping that others would like to see my strong areas. If they were nice to me, I would not be criticized regarding my attachments. This way I did not catch the chance to improve but instead pushed it to other practitioners. I often saw others improve very quickly but I still sat there. Just like what Master said in Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference, "Some people always insist, 'My, how come that person always has such an attitude? Why is he like that with everyone?' And there are some people who say, 'Well nobody thinks too highly of him.' But if you ask me, your master, you're all wrong. When none of you are attached anymore to wanting to hear pleasing things, when none of you are affected when you're insulted, see if he'll still be like that. Exactly because you people have those attachments, there exist factors that hit on your attachments; and exactly because those attachments of yours are stirred up, you get irritated; when all of you have those attachments, the situation where everyone is irritated by the person who hit on their attachments comes about. If you can all keep a calm and steady state of mind while being assaulted by strong words, and you're not at all affected, then see if those factors still exist."
Master also said: "The more you put you first or mix in [factors of] self, the less mighty-virtue you have, and that's why it is less likely that you succeed at things or do them well." Realizing that I was being utilized by the old forces and was creating gaps between practitioners, and slowing down Dafa projects, plus thinking about so many people that need to be saved, I realized that my attachment had become a big burden.
Cultivating in Dafa is so wonderful. I could avoid conflicts with fellow practitioners, but I could not escape from my family members. All of my family members are practitioners. Once I talked to my husband using the tone of being responsible to fellow practitioners, commenting on each individual's shortcoming. However, after a little while, I could not go further, feeling weaker and weaker from commenting on others. Then my husband said: what you said was all right, but I didn't feel that you were truly saying it for my benefit. I immediately agreed. I was speaking for my own sake, hoping that he could cultivate better so that I could benefit from it. I thought about the comments that had I made to others before; how many of them were made without being concerned with my own self?
My mom discussed some of her thoughts with me. Some of her thoughts touched me and made me very uncomfortable, because I did not want to lose face. With this thought, I saw everyone laugh at me. I started to feel resentment and to complain more. Distrust also came out. However, I knew I shouldn't let it go this time. I remembered that Master said in Zhuan Falun, "As long as you improve your character, you will be able to overcome them—it's only that you might not want to overcome them. If you want to overcome them you can." I asked for help from Master in my heart.
When I attended group study shortly after that, I felt that my heart was still uneasy. When I walked into the hall, fellow practitioners were sending forth righteous thoughts. I saw that the whole energy field in the hall emitted very soft and beautiful lights that were so strong and sacred. I had never seen anything like this before and it came from all of the practitioners—regardless of whether they were female, male, old or young. This was my first time experiencing the "Buddha-light illuminates everywhere and rectifies all abnormalities."
When I sat down, I clearly felt that something very hard in my body was dissolved in a second. I no longer carried the attachment in my heart and all my complaints were gone. Under the illumination of the light, which was beyond words, I truly felt that every cell in my body was happy and joyous, and I felt thankful to every fellow practitioner.
Every practitioner looked so nice to me, so bright and shinny. I recalled that once one practitioner dreamed that all the practitioners in the group were all Buddha- and God-like. I never thought about how this group, which I thought was lacking kindness, had helped me in a special way that was beyond description. I gazed at my fellow practitioners and felt that I had been a lost child before; now I had been brought back by Master in this Buddhas' and Gods' gathering place.
During that specific group study, practitioners discussed on how to deal with the South African shooting incident which had just happened. In my view, the discussion was not "non-cooperative" anymore, but truly like what Master said that: all "Gods are cooperative", and "Charging thousands of miles and breaking evil arrangements".
Coming back to a practitioner with whom I had conflicts before, she now said to me: I felt that I came here with a great mission but I regret that I did not perform my role well. It was this practitioner that once replied to my critiques regarding her complacency saying, "Don't you underestimate Dafa's mighty virtue; everyone cultivates within Dafa. Dafa is boundless, how couldn't it melt a tiny small me?" Yes, it is true that every day, I saw my fellow practitioners changing, and these changes were not caused by regular human things. I realized that it was not how much practitioners did for projects, how big the project was, how good the relationships between you and me are, it was the heart that every one has regardless of whether it was manifested with respect to others or not, for the purpose of assimilating with Truth, Compassion and Forbearance unconditionally.
During face-to-face truth clarification, we still need to let go of self. Ever since joining various projects, I have fewer chances to do face-to-face truth clarification; furthermore, I lack the confidence that I had before. Coming back from the Atlanta Conference, one practitioner told me when she was listening to Master's speech, she made a wish that she would never lose any opportunities to clarify the truth. In fact that was what she did. No matter where she was, in her work, talking to customers, meeting with officials, at a party, on the train, she tried her best to not miss any chance. She was very shy and not a talkative person, but her kind heart moved many people. Before I only talked to those whom I had contacted the most, or those to whom I purposely wanted to tell the truth. She reminded and encouraged me to talk to those who even just passed by in front of me. Master said, "it doesn't matter who it is, once someone enters the Three Realms it's impossible for him to ever return." "Yet whoever comes has to be made deluded as humans are, and, without exception, they become depraved along with people's society. So that's the relationship. Only those who had the heavenly courage to come down can hear the Fa that's so mighty and profound." I realized that Dafa disciples were those who dared to come; furthermore, among those who have not yet obtained the Fa, there would be many who suffered a lot to come to the human world, just waiting for Dafa, and to obtain the truth. Since they represent a huge group of beings, they are also great and need to be treasured.
I spend more than an hour on the subway getting to work. When looking at those passengers reading their newspapers or resting on their chairs after a busy workday, especially for those Chinese people, I said to them in my heart, "Do you remember why you came here?" I wish I could go and talk to them in detail, not just pass them the truth-clarification material and chat a little bit. I could not imagine how I could talk to unfamiliar people, since I never speak well without a paper in front me. I seldom talk to anyone that I don't know. Well, once I had the willingness, Master created chances for me. I have a colleague who is also a practitioner. She is very brave and she always rides in the same train with me. She always tries hard to find Chinese people wherever she goes. On the train, she approaches Chinese and passes them the truth-clarification materials and starts talking about the truth. She puts her whole heart into talking with them. In this strong field, I feel very comfortable and always see the people smile while learning the truth. She encouraged me to talk to Chinese people. I shyly approached one and asked, "Do your speak Chinese?" They said yes. I found that I had nothing else to say after that. I wanted to just pass her the material and then leave, but she started to talk to me saying she had left China a long time ago so she could not understand the simplified version of the material. I couldn't help but laugh, this was an opportunity to force me to talk. Once I started I couldn't stop since Master provided me with the wisdom. I was actually surprised how I could do it. Finally, she was moved by my words and I saw tears in her eyes. Seeing her off the train, I sat back and my fellow practitioner told me she had been continually sending forth righteous thoughts, thinking, 'She is saving you, please listen to her.'"
After the first experience, I felt it was much easier. I know Master always grants the true wish from every practitioner's heart and creates opportunities for us. Sometimes, it was pretty empty on the train, I thought: Master, if there are some Chinese who come to me, that would be wonderful! Just then some Chinese came to me. I had not had such a wonderful experience before. A few times when I took a bus from the train station back home, I saw a certain Chinese lady who appeared to be new to the US. However, I did not get a chance to talk to her. Once I thought that I had enough courage to talk to her, but she did not get off the bus with me. Looking at the bus, I was very regretful, thinking if this was the last chance to meet her, and it would be a big regret in my life. I vowed to myself and to Master, if there is another chance I can meet her, I will certainly tell her the truth. A few days later, I just jumped on the bus and stepped on someone's toe. I turned to say sorry and found that it was her! We started a very pleasant conversation. Since then I have not seen her once. It is amazing that every chance appears to be pretty accidental, but all of them are very precious.
During all of this, the most shocking things were the breakthroughs that I could never imagine. Many times, after I talked to people, they solemnly asked me while holding the disk I gave them, did you put Zhuan Falun on this disk? Their longing for the Fa brought tears to my eyes. I seemed to have a new understanding of "when the Buddha's nature comes out, it will shake the world of ten directions." Also, I admire those lives who are lost in this chaotic world but still continually try to find the Fa. How can I not treasure these precious lives? Let's all treasure this predestined relationship that we have been waiting for for tens of thousands of years.
Thank you, Master! And thank you all.
