PureInsight | July 5, 2004
[PureInsight.org] My name is V. I am Vietnamese. I started cultivating in Falun Dafa in the summer of 2000. Looking back, I can see very clearly the arrangements Master made for me to obtain the Fa. One day, I was job hunting and received an offer from an IT company in Englewood. Suddenly, there was a phone call from a recruiter at Alltel, a telecom company, asking if I was interested in being interviewed by them. They said someone referred me to them. After the interview, they gave me an offer and I accepted. Soon after I started working, a Chinese coworker introduced me to the practice. She gave me the website information to download the book, Zhuan Falun. She also taught me the exercises every day during lunch. Then I read a brochure on the persecution of Falun Gong. I was so touched by the courageous practitioners in China. Like the old man who walked thousands of miles to Tiananmen Square just to tell the government that Falun Dafa is good. From that point on, I was determined to help raise awareness of the persecution and to help other predestined people obtain the Fa. Immediately, I wanted to share this wonderful practice to the Vietnamese community here in Colorado. Newsletters and flyers were distributed, and many people called to obtain the book and exercise videos. As my cultivation progressed, I became more involved with raising awareness and seeking help from the government and other sectors of society. Just like other practitioners, I had to find a balance between work, family and Dafa work. It was and still is definitely a challenge and requires me to upgrade my xinxing every single day.
When I found out that I was pregnant for the third time at the age of 25, I began to feel depressed knowing that I had to give up my career and a big load of my Dafa work. Deep inside, I knew that that feeling was not right because I am a cultivator, not an everyday person. However, the further along in my pregnancy, the less I could focus on my Fa-study and SFRT. My selfish side began to take over my righteous thoughts. I felt so overwhelmed. Later, I had to care for my 2 and 4-year old daughters, and my newborn and at the same time fulfill my duty as a Fa-rectification Dafa disciple. My attachment to "self" was indeed a big mountain blocking my path. Master said in "Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference:"
If you took a look in the extreme microcosm at the material formed by what your mind is attached to, [you'd see that] they are mountains, huge mountains, made of hard, granite-like rock, and once they are formed there's simply no way for a human being to move them.
I indeed felt something was wearing me down, and my heart felt quite heavy. I couldn't step forward and instead was moving backwards. Deep inside, I knew that my attachment to "self" needed to be removed, but I didn't have the heart to let it go.
On the day that I gave birth to Louise, I truly felt Master's presence. Dafa has given me a different perspective and strength to handle such a dramatic time in a woman's life. My labor and delivery took only 3 hours and was all natural; despite the fact my baby weighed 8 pounds. My first labor and delivery took 20 hours, was extremely painful, and I had 3 epidurals [forms of anesthesia]. I know that the reason that I had such an easy labor and delivery was that I am practicing Falun Dafa. Still my xinxing was still not too good, since I just wanted to isolate myself from the outside world. Then one day I was putting my newborn to bed and, being in a half asleep, half awake state with my eyes closed, I suddenly saw Master Li. He was wearing a kasaya and sitting in a lotus position surrounded by a bright, golden circle. Faluns were spinning around Master and everything was very colorful and extremely wonderful. The scenery came from far away and got closer and closer and then disappears when it approached my forehead. After that, I enlightened that it was Master encouraging me to steadfastly continue my cultivation. I truly felt Master's great benevolence, and my heart felt a great sense of joy that Master had not given up on me. So, why should I give up on myself? Master has been waiting and waiting for the disciples to do well. Recently, Master mentioned in "Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference:"
I can't leave behind any of the Dafa disciples.
Today, I would like to encourage practitioners who are in the mist of tribulations and also new practitioners to not lose this chance to cultivate in this special period of time in history. We have all waited for a very, very long period of time just to have the chance to return to our true home. We should not let any attachment interfere with our diligence and righteous thoughts. Our true side wants so very much to cultivate, but sometimes when we are in the middle of a tribulation or when a certain attachment is so strong, we can't seem to pick ourselves up quickly enough, since we are living in this complicated world of delusion.
After that night, I got back up and started moving forward again. Just like a child who was walking in the misty fog and bumped into a big rock. Then Master appeared and removed the rock and gently pushing this little girl ahead. Indeed at this point in cultivation, I know that the root to my attachment to "self" is very, very strong. So I can only try to discard it little by little and as long as I am conscious and determined to take out the root, then one day it will just happen naturally. Again in the 2004 Chicago lecture Master explained this issue. He said:
Would that hard rock just dissolve without cultivation? If I did that for you then it wouldn't count as you cultivating, so I can't do that, and you yourself have to cultivate it away. There are many things that you can't do but that Master can. And so how does Master do them? It's not like as soon as we come into contact I'll remove them. When your righteous thoughts are firm and when you can repel those things, I remove them for you bit by bit; however much you can do, that's how much I remove for you and diminish for you. But since you're a cultivator, you have to truly hold yourself to the requirements for a cultivator. Even though sometimes you still can't quite get there yet, you've got to at least have those righteous thoughts, and you've got to cultivate yourselves.
In addition, Master has even given us the ability to eliminate the dark minions so that they cannot interfere with our cultivation and Dafa work. But first and foremost, we must have righteous faith in Master and Dafa, and we must be clear that we are Dafa disciples with great abilities, abilities that were given to us in order to fulfill our role in Fa-rectification. So everyday, I ask myself these questions: Did I do the three things that are required of a Dafa disciple? Did I study the Fa well? Did I clarify the facts? And did I send forth righteous thoughts to clear out all that is interfering with Fa-rectification? First of all, I find that when I study the Fa well and my heart is pure, then my righteous thoughts have a very good affect on my environment and my Dafa work. When I don't study the Fa well, my mind is cloudy and I can't seem to catch up with the quick pace of Fa-rectification. Overall, I know I still need to improve in all three aspects and in addition, I need to cultivate myself better in order to meet the standard of a Fa-rectification Dafa disciple and to follow Master home.
