PureInsight | January 26, 2014
[PureInsight.org] I have already grown up from a little Falun Gong practitioner to an adult as the Fa rectification goes. All the childhood memories construct my early impression of Falun Gong and it has taken root in my heart since then. The exercise music resounded in the parks, and other little practitioners and I were doing the exercises with our parents. After so many years, however, things changed, and I do not know how many little practitioners who used to do the exercise with me are still consistent in practicing. As Master said, “I am telling you not to lose it easily just because you have obtained it easily.” (Zhuan Falun) I always remind myself to grasp the precious opportunity.
Regain the Feeling of “Cultivating As If You Were Just Starting”
I tended to behave like an everyday person as I grew up, however, which directly affected my state of cultivation, and I was not active in studying the Fa, clarifying the truth and sending forth righteous thoughts. Master mentioned, “Cultivating as if you were just starting” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference”). I tried looking inside several times, but “cultivation” was always a vague concept for me, maybe because I started practicing when I was very young. Therefore I do not feel as excited as some others when they finally obtained the Fa after pursuing for many years. But I believe I was pure and did not try to look for the benefits from Dafa when I was young.
I remember I forced myself to sustain the suffering when doing the Falun Standing Stance. I encouraged myself by reciting, “When it is difficult to endure, try to endure it. When it looks impossible and is said to be impossible, give it a try and see if it is possible.” (Zhuan Falun) I told myself that the karma would be transferred to de if I kept doing longer. I also voluntarily read Zhuan Falun, and asked grandma to recite Hong Yin with me. When I did not get along with my playmates, I always looked inward and apologized first. But now I rarely look inward when I have conflict with others. When I was young, I was peaceful when I studied the Fa, and every sentence would be carved in my heart. But now, I do not even concentrate when studying the Fa, and am easily to be interrupted by attachments. I have realized my problem, but never improved myself. I know that there is no short-cut in cultivation.
Do Not Realize “Look inward” Until Hitting the Wall
My experience in being granted asylum status was full of twists and turns. I could not help thinking how I enjoy life after I was granted asylum in this country. I did not provide an ideal answer when the interviewer asked me the name of the five exercises. I did not think it was a big problem at that time, and even comforted myself that it was acceptable because I started practicing Falun Gong when I was young.
I got the rejection letter a few weeks later right with the reason that I failed to provide the names of the five exercises so that they concluded that I was not a genuine practitioner. I was not satisfied with the result, and even repeated silently, “I will never give up practicing.” The next morning, I calmed down and asked myself, “How can I be a practitioner? I do not even know the names of the five exercises.” The interviewer, an everyday person, would judge by my reaction in the interview, though I knew that it was not the way he thought. So why not discipline myself according to the Fa? I also realized that it was because of my bad behavior in front of my cousin that she still misunderstood Dafa and practitioners. The loss that I caused had to be compensated by paying ten times the effort. And even if it was compensated, it could not be as perfect as before. For example, the vase you smash can be glued together, but it still has cracks. I then submitted the rebuttal to my lawyer, and went to the New York Fa Conference without thinking of my case.
I later received a notice from the immigration office stating that I had already missed the time to rebut. I was mad. I blamed everything on my lawyer – he charged me a lot but did not do anything for me. But then I realized that I had to eliminate my negative thoughts before taking the next step. As I studied the Fa more, I thought I relied too much on others and on being granted asylum, which was an attachment. I took the status of asylum as a way to live happily. But it is not what a genuine practitioner should pursue. Studying the Fa, clarifying the truth and sending righteous thoughts are what practitioners should do, and the asylum status can aid us to do what we are supposed to do. It seemed that I was peaceful in mind, but I had a lot of attachments, and used to avoid conflicts and gave up the opportunity to upgrade myself. I talked with my lawyer later, and he filed a document again. I did not concern myself with anything at all, but just did what I was supposed to do. The lawyer and many other friends told me that I could not change anything, but I was unmoved. A month later, I received another letter from the immigration office that I was granted the asylum status.
Actually the night before I received the letter, I had a dream. I was waiting in line to attend the Fa Conference. Someone took me to Master. Master asked me what happened. I said, “They said I was not a Falun Gong practitioner.” Master then wrote something on a piece of paper. I got the grant letter the next day. I am thankful for great Master. He took care of me and did everything for me as long as I believed in him. However, it was a roundabout way. I did not realize my problem until I was hitting the wall. I should always be clear that I am a Falun Gong practitioner and discipline myself according to the Fa to prevent interference from the old forces and evil.
Minghui Web Site
When I was in China I didn't take the initiative to visit Minghui web site. Instead it was my Mom who always asked me to do it. After I came to USA, at the beginning my Mom reminded me of reading Minghui, later I began to take the initiative to read it every day. The articles on Minghui helped my cultivation a lot. In my local area there weren't many young practitioners, thus when I had questions I wouldn't share the experience with other practitioners (That's my human notion. I was afraid my questions were too naive.). But on Minghui, there are many articles written by young practitioners. I also like the column "the heaven and human" and "Culture bestowed from divine" on Minghui.
I had to admit that I knew almost nothing about traditional Chinese culture as Chinese Communist Party destroyed it. So I had many bad habits. If I hadn't cultivated Dafa, I wouldn't be able to realize my behaviors are far away from the requirements of the traditional culture or Fa principles. For example, when I talked to the elder people, I talked to them in the same way as I talked to peer generation. I didn't use polite words. When I talked, I always showed impatience. I listened to the column "Culture bestowed from divine" on the Minghui web site very often, the content didn't contain any CCP cultural influence, and instead the column explained the familiar stories from the perspective of cultivators. I had new understanding of the stories. It helped my cultivation too. For example, I was especially impressed by the story “Zengzi killed the cattle”. In the story, Zengzi’s wife lied to her son saying that dad would kill the cattle to make beef meal. Zengzi treated his wife’s words seriously and killed the cattle. He taught the adults that when one promises something, one needs to keep the promises. Otherwise the kid wouldn’t trust parents. When the kid grows up, he would be a person who couldn’t keep promises.
In today’s China people get used to lying. Integrity is not something people agree or recommend. When I heard the story “Zengzi killed the cattle”, I admired how ancient people behaved. In cultivation I found I wasn’t following “truthfulness” in many cases. For example, I didn’t keep my promises. When I made promises, I was not sincere. I didn’t do well at “Truthfulness”.
Only when one strives would Master help
Actually I wasn’t the one who could endure the suffering. Even when I was about to do a small thing, I would feel huge pressure. In other people’s eyes, I was the kind of person who couldn’t endure the pressure. I didn’t want to strive. This also manifested in my study and cultivation. For example, the summer semester is divided into A-term and B-term, each lasts one month. Since I was granted the stipend by the school, I needed to be a full time student and take at least 12-credit classes in order to keep the stipend. However I was lazy to look for classes, so I lied to my Mom that I couldn’t find interesting classes. I told her I wouldn’t take the stipend this semester and I would pay the tuition by myself. My mom said I should be able to take 12-credit classes. I was complaining in my heart: “You are a step-mother. You always want me to endure the hardship and do the things I don’t want to do.”
But when I studied the Fa, I read “Cultivation is to endure suffering” (Not exact words). I felt ashamed about myself that I didn’t even want to take more classes. So I went to the school administration office and told them I would like to change to take 12-credit classes. But the staff said it couldn’t be changed. I felt frustrated. I pondered when I was on the bus: “My enlightenment level is low. I am afraid of suffering. I always want Master to help me but I don’t strive. How would Master help me?” I realized that I could get the good result only if I could strive. I hadn’t enlightened that the stipend was given by Master. I couldn’t spend the money wastefully. Due to my fear, attachment of comfort and laziness, I made the unnecessary loss.
After I got home, I found an email from the school administration office. It was regarding my re-application for stipend. It said: “Since the stipend hasn’t been sent out, we make the exception that you can re-apply for the stipend. You will get the money this semester.” I was so glad. I thanked Master for the encouragement. It was worth mentioning that my average score for the one-month term was A-. This was all given by Master and Buddha Fa.
From cultivating emotionally to cultivating rationally, I changed from understanding the Fa on the surface to enlightening the Fa rationally. Master always cares about me and encourages me, the immature disciple. I thank Master for the benevolent salvation and correct my mistakes patiently. Only by cultivating diligently will I be worthy of Master’s benevolent salvation, will I be able to return to my true home and fulfill my vows. Hong Yin: “Able to endure suffering in the world, transcending the world, is a Buddha.”
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