PureInsight | July 21, 2008
[PureInsight.org]
Greetings!
My name is Anders. I have been cultivating since autumn 1995.
Cultivation is still fascinating because one is constantly developing,
despite the fact that one has been practising for so many years. I
sometimes feel that I am as a small child who learns new things every
day. A child learns how to crawl, talk, stand and walk and becomes
gradually more and more independent. I, as a cultivator, constantly
learn new things about myself, my thoughts and concepts, and when I
look back, I understand more and more how limited I have been.
Letting go of control
I am, for example, a careful and structured person who does not want to
waste my time. I realise the benefits of being effective and having
control of everything, but I also realise that it may be an attachment
if there is too much need to be in control. To be faced with choices
and be secure in the choices I make whether it was the best or not, is
something I have to work on.
I want to give an example of how my brain works sometimes. It was
during a Dafa activity in Prague a few years ago. I had planned to
travel by bus and subway from the hostel to the activity in the city,
but was offered a ride with a German couple by car. I did not really
want it, but I accepted just to be polite. I did not know them and it
would have been better for me to travel like I had planned. They were
nice, but they were not quite sure of the way and we ended up in
traffic jams. Throughout the trip, I thought of how smoothly everything
would have gone if I had travelled on my own. I would even have come in
time for the activity. I became aware of my thoughts. I almost had a
headache. But then something happened in the middle of this. A positive
turn appeared suddenly, an advantage of riding in the car, I thought:
"If I had travelled by bus and subway, the risk of being robbed would
have been quite big!" The fact that I had found a single advantage, and
a quite important one, made me immediately feel better. I realized how
my thoughts really ruled my feelings.
The worst thing is when I have figured out how things should be done,
but when others don't do as I expected. I planned, not only for myself
but also for others, and wanted to rule and decide how others were
supposed to do. On such occasions, my first thought was that if the
other person would have done as I had thought, there wouldn't have been
any problems, and my irritation would have been quite noticeable. My
first thought was mostly that the other person made a mistake. Instead,
I should of course have looked inward, put myself into the other
person's situation, and thought about what I did wrong.
A practitioner once joked with me and said: "You see yourself as very
important, right?" I laughed, and interpreted his sentence one hundred
percent as a joke. I often feel inferior, and I regard myself mostly as
a humble person. Later, I wondered if there was some truth in what he
said. It was perhaps not a joke one hundred percent? I tried to look
inwards. It happens that I might be very brief when practitioners are
calling me. I find phone calls sometimes very disturbing and the first
thought is often negative: "Who is bothering me now?" Instead, I should
of course be thinking: "How nice that someone has confidence in me." I
have sometimes had the attitude that these people should be grateful to
me because I can help them. But on the other hand, I can be respectful
and helpful towards practitioners that I look up to. I will try to be
attentive to these two extremes, to be kind to all and not feel
inferior to others and stand up for myself. We all take part in the
Fa-rectification and we are all Master's disciples.
Cultivation at the workplace
I work with digital photo retouching at a prepress company. At my
workplace there is most often a joyful and open atmosphere. But
sometimes one can sense prestige, competitive mentality and pride among
the photo retouch employees. Being a practitioner I would like to be
able to say that I have let go of all this. I haven't.
There is a young woman at my workplace who is very capable,
communicates well, is confident, and gives sharp answers to any
questions. For several years, I have been able to be humble towards
her. In the autumn two years ago, we were working together on a big
task. On some occasions, she made me feel more incompetent than in fact
I was. Our communication became worse. She treated me as air. It made
me feel uneasy because having a bad relationship with someone you meet
every day is quit disturbing. Having listened to the lecture that
Master gave to Australian students in 2007, I have tried to change my
thoughts towards her. He said among other things, that when a
practitioner has conflicts with ordinary people, it is one hundred
percent the practitioner's fault. I tried to think more positively
about her. Gradually our relationship became better, and more recently,
we can communicate well again, and it feels like a great relief.
My fear of criticism and attachment to reputation can be shown very
clearly at my workplace. At one occasion, a customer let me colour
correct some model photos taken at a beach. They were very pale and
grey, so I made the images more colourful. When the customer came to us
and we looked at them together with my boss, the customer said that he
wanted to have them as before, and that I would have to start from
scratch. I felt embarrassed but I tried to be nice and polite. My boss
was actually supporting me, and in the end there were just a few
adjustments to be made. Afterwards, when the customer had gone my boss
asked me if I was okay. He had obviously noticed that I had been
unbalanced, but I responded spontaneously, "I feel just fine!" I
reflected on the situation and understood how much of the attachment to
reputation I have left to let go of, and I wondered why I answered the
boss so spontaneously that everything was fine. It was like an instinct
in me that wanted to hide and forget about the whole situation.
To participate in the work with the best show in the world
When I was asked if I wanted to be responsible for materials during the
work for Shen Yun's (Divine Performing Arts) visit to Sweden, it felt
like the right thing for me. I knew that it would require a lot of me
but I also realized that my graphic skills and my precision that Fa
gave me would be one hundred percent useful in the work to produce
graphic materials. I also realized the greatness of Shen Yun, and how
important a role the show plays in the Fa-rectification. I did not see
the job as a burden but as a great honour. Earlier in my cultivation
when I had big responsibility, it happened on some intense occasions
that I could not take it. I wanted to avoid that this time, for my own
sake and for the sake of the project. I knew that the coming period
would be intense and also quite lengthy. So I tried to be stable
throughout this period, and I succeeded in doing so.
The graphical / technical work was no problem and I felt completely
secure in that. Some moments, however, I felt that all the work and
responsibility that I had in front of me was as a big mountain that
weighed me down, and I sometimes felt a concern that things would fail.
I then tried to think of taking one thing at a time and prioritizing
what was most important, and above all have faith in Fa. To be in
Gothenburg and try to support the practitioners in Stockholm who were
under great pressure felt like a good arrangement. I was aware of the
stress at the other end of the phone line many times, and I felt
sometimes irritated over some calls. However, I tried to put myself in
their situation, and afterwards not think so negatively, but sometimes
I failed. I was also now forced to make those calls that I otherwise
tried to avoid. The fact is that it was good training and my confidence
grew. Compared with others I believe that my tests were not so serious,
and afterwards, I don't remember so much of the difficulties.
When the persecution began in 1999, I remember that I was often in
action and that there was always a lot to do. There were not many
active practitioners who had computer skills then, so I was quite busy.
As more and more practitioners came into Fa-rectification, and I
started to work more with music, I felt that these intense periods came
more seldom for me. Both the choir and my own music project require
above all self discipline, and sometimes, I did not have that. I found
the work with the Shen Yun performance got me back into the action
again. Now others required and expected me to deliver and I had no
choice but to keep on working. When it was at its most intense I only
felt great pleasure and gratitude. It was very stimulating and I was
strengthened and transformed through the whole process. I also had the
possibility to see the show several times, and I wanted to send a
greeting and many thanks to all who contributed and especially to the
artists in Shen Yun.
When the show came to Sweden, it felt natural for me to participate in
the media work. We sat up after the shows, and listened to the
audience's reactions from the reporters' interviews that were to be
transcribed. They were often fantastic. I understood more and more the
greatness of the Shen Yun performance when I heard how happy people
were after the show. What was extra fun were the comments that
particularly praised the Falun Dafa numbers. A Chinese practitioner
from another country who had participated in the media work in several
European countries was impressed by Swedish practitioners. He said to
me that Western practitioners in Sweden worked very disciplined and
serious in the media work, something that he had not seen in the same
way in other countries. It felt like an encouragement, even though we
certainly can improve in various ways.
During the media work we occasionally encountered the artists. I would
have liked to talk a little with them, but instead I avoided them. I
felt that I did not want to disturb them, and that because my
confidence was lacking. On one occasion when I sat in the lobby of the
hotel in Tampere, I got in contact with one of the artists in a natural
way. She was very simple and natural, and she seemed to like my
company. It was the little child, that is, the girl holding up the
banner with the Zhen, Shan, Ren characters in one of the scenes. It was
perhaps human thinking, but I was glad to have been talking to one of
the artists.
The practitioners in China
At our new years meeting 2007/2008 in Stockholm, there was much
focus on the Shen Yun performance. The last day, we had experience
sharing. There were some Chinese practitioners that I didn't recognise.
One of them, a woman, stood up during the last days exchange and began
to speak. She needed just say a few words and the people in the room
were deeply moved. She said, "I have recently come out from China." She
could not hold back the tears, and neither could I. In the same second,
I thought of how difficult it must have been for her, and in contrast
to that, what freedom she must have felt when she could spend an entire
weekend with so many practitioners, studying, practicing and discussing
freely. I saw this as a reminder to myself and to all of us, that there
still is an ongoing persecution of our fellow practitioners in China.
Nearly nine years ago the persecution of Falun Gong began. I remember
how sad and shocked I was when I heard about the first practitioner who
had been killed in China in 1999. Today there are over 3,000 documented
similar cases and this is only the tip of the iceberg. I hope that we
all can continue to work together to stop the persecution. I hope I can
do the three things well even better. I am grateful that Master guides
us in our cultivation and in the Fa-rectification.
Thank you.
