PureInsight | April 29, 2002
In the past, it was not an easy task to get my four-year-old son to pick up his toys. I usually urge him numerous times without much effect. Many times, it turned into a xinxing test for me. During those times when I asked my son to tidy up his toys, I always say something like, "When you finish playing with your toys, you must tidy them up, so the next time it will be easier for you to find them. Your room must be kept clean because if you don't clean up after yourself, who will? Mommy needs to clean up a whole house full of things, so you must learn how to do things for yourself because mommy likes capable children." I went on and on. He eventually completed his chore with a little more encouragement, a lot of patience and often some help from me.
Later, I realized what my problem was. I tried to teach him to clean up his mess, believing that I am teaching him good habits. I was not considerate of my son when I commanded him to clean up. I knew very well that he did not understand the concept of building a good habit or a good character. Yet, I still blurted out many easy words without thinking ahead. In fact, my selfishness and many attachments were in those words.
How, then, can I show consideration for him?
One day, I rearranged his two boxes of toys that were piled high. I picked out some bigger ones and placed them in the storage room. The toy boxes became less crowded and it was easier to arrange things there. When my son came back, I told him, "Mommy has already cleaned up your toys for you and from now on you have to try to put them away by yourself. If you cannot do that, then mommy will no longer buy new toys for you because there would be too many toys and you would not be able to handle them." My son asked, "If I could put them away in order, then would you buy new toys for me?" I replied, "Yes, I will." "Okay" my son cheerfully said. On that very day, he tidied up his toys immediately after he played with them. My son said to me, "Look, I put them away so well!"
On a Sunday, I took my son to a flea market. It is a market where neighborhood residents sell their unwanted things. My son wanted a toy. He reminded me that he had been responsible. I remembered those days when he took the initiative to tidy up his toys after playing with them. At least all the toys were put back in the toy boxes. Then, I agreed to buy him a toy. I said, "All right, we will buy it if there's anything suitable. If we buy an extra toy, will you be able to arrange your toys well?" He answered "Of course!" We found a small wooden toy car. It was pretty and only cost 20 cents, so I bought it for him.
My son got his car. He was content and happy that he was able to handle his own things well. I know that he began to understand the importance of taking initiative, doing things voluntarily and responsibly.
Today, my son was very tired from playing. He was very sleepy but his toys were not cleaned up yet. I emphasized two rules to him. First, the toys must be arranged well so that they are easier to find next time. Secondly, if he cannot put his toys away because there are too many for him to handle, then I won't buy any new ones. Of course, without delay my son picked up his toys. Then he also wanted a new car with a remote-control function. I patiently explained to him that the old one is not broken. It is just that the battery that is dead. The old toy still works so there is no need to buy a new one. He understood and accepted the two rules.
The right path is to consider how a child can do things well within his ability, and also to provide the child with some spiritual encouragement, so there's no need to use material encouragement and punishment.
Translated from:
http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2002/4/3/15138.html
