PureInsight | June 17, 2009
Experience Sharing from the 2009 Canada Fa Conference
[PureInsight.org] Due to the severe persecution of Dafa in China, I used to envy overseas practitioners. They live in an open environment where they can study the Fa and do the exercises and clarify the truth freely. They can attend many social activities and even organize media outlets. Given that, I had a strong desire to go abroad.
Finally, we arrived in Toronto. When we landed, I was very excited. I immediately checked out the Clearwisdom website, and also searched for the local practice site. Our landlord told us that there is a practice site in Scarborough, so my husband borrowed a bicycle and began to look for the site in the parks nearby.
The first time we went to a practice site, it was in Scarborough. We heard the familiar music from far away. When I saw practitioners doing the group exercise on the green lawn, I could not hold back my tears. This sight was so familiar. Ten years ago, going to the park to do the exercises was the most sacred and happy activity of my day. After the illegal crackdown and during the past ten years of persecution, when someone saw us carrying Dafa books and truth clarification materials, we were detained. It is the same when we did the exercises outdoors. My heart was held in check for so many years, and I finally could awaken happily in this new environment.
However, we soon realized that it was not that easy to assimilate into this environment.
First, we felt some practitioners were indifferent and that there were divisions among practitioners. I also had many opportunities to get involved in media work, but I did not see any obvious results. I was so enthusiastic and then felt let down. I guess what this means is that I have to get rid of my attachment to “doing things.”
Then, there was a promotional activity for NTDTV. I was asked to speak during the Friday group study. But on Thursday morning, a fellow practitioner called me and told me that I was too busy and it appeared that the Fa principles did not govern my actions. I immediately suggested that I would not give the speech. After the call, I could not calm down for a long time. I felt personally attacked and that this was a criticism of my cultivation. I felt so sad and could not sleep the entire night. I was struggling painfully between looking inward and looking outward.
In spite of this, I continued to distribute the newspaper and attended the Friday group study. After the group study, when I returned home at 11:00 p.m., I suddenly recalled Master's words, “You have gained four ways in one shot.” I think this must have happened because I wrote a “guarantee statement” in China and compromised to the evil. I must have committed a big crime. Isn’t this a good chance to eliminate those things? Isn’t this a wonderful thing? How can I not thank them? Thinking of this, I became relaxed and very happy. The improvement of xinxing is a gradual process.
After I studied the Fa and read Master’s teachings from 2008 about validating the Fa and saving sentient beings, I recalled that I was annoyed because I was hurt. If I think only of myself, how can I validate the Fa and save sentient beings? Thinking of that, I felt such shame. I decided that I would refrain from being annoyed and would instead broaden my ability to save sentient beings.
After my xinxing improved, I was given more tasks. There were not enough people in Rochester to promote the Shen Yun Chinese Spectacular. They needed Toronto practitioners’ support and so practitioners took me along. Although my English was not very good, it was supplemented by my heart that wanted to save sentient beings. I told my flyers, “You are my Fa weapons. After I distribute you, you must do your work.” My site was the smallest among the three sites. Yet, I sold the most tickets.
During the process of selling tickets, I also passed tests that came my way when dealing with fellow practitioners. One day, I told the coordinator that we did not have enough tickets. She didn’t believe it and said, “You can't even read the tickets, how can you know that we don’t have enough tickets?” Feeling so bad, I thought of taking the tickets out of my bag and reading what they said, so she would know that I could in fact read the tickets. She was wrong. Then I thought that I have come to the U.S. to save sentient beings. If I validate myself, how can I validate the Fa? Even if I prove that she was wrong, what good does it do? However, I still felt hurt. So I kept thinking, “I am here to validate the Fa, not to validate myself.” Gradually, I was able to calm down. Later, that practitioner realized that she was in the wrong and apologized.
I progressively improved through the Fa and looked inward whenever faced with a problem. I began to realize that I hadn’t truly cultivated before. We all know that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is often difficult, especially with a single mother-in-law. My mother-in-law had lived with us since I had married. Our relationship was quite difficult for years. I thought that the relationship with my mother-in-law was the ultimate test. Later, with Master’s compassionate hint—that Master will arrange conflicts in front of fellow practitioners, I began to realize that I was being too emotional, that I was not compassionate and held onto other notions.
One time, I didn’t pass a tribulation well. I spent all day in bed, annoyed about not being able to pass the test. I was holding Master’s picture and crying to Master, “Master, I do not want the emotion of ordinary people. I want to cultivate the compassion of a god.” At night, when I was doing the exercises, I recalled that my mother-in-law had a hard life. I thought, “Then, why can’t I treat her better?” With this thought, my compassion emerged from my heart, from inside to the outside, and I felt bathed in it. I even felt that I was melting into it. From then on, I truly changed. I still have some conflicts with my mother-in-law, which indicates that I’m still not doing very well. When my mother-in-law is angry, she is not happy. I decided that I would neither argue with her, nor try to figure out who is right and wrong. On the contrary, I will definitely look inward. Trying to find out where I did not think about her needs and where I did not do well. From my own changes, I can feel deeply the compassion of the Dafa. As long as we believe in Master and believe in the Fa, there is nothing we cannot change.
During cultivation, there are often things we can't see and struggle with. Recently, I heard a bad rumor. At the beginning, my mind remained calm. The second time, I heard that a fellow practitioner didn’t trust me and it was someone I had trusted and respected very much. This time, my mind was really struggling. As more people got to know me, I received an anonymous phone call and my heart became troubled again. It hurt me being told that fellow practitioners didn’t trust me. Also, I have lost many precious things in ordinary people’s life. However, I had one thought, “No matter the circumstance, I will never validate myself. I will always look inward and I will trust Master and Dafa. That is to cultivate with dignity.”
In fact, practitioners that emigrate from China and come to the new environments have to go through a process to be known by practitioners. There is a process of becoming familiar with each other. I believe that through more effective communication, more people will come to understand us. We can thus assimilate better into the overseas cultivation environment.
