PureInsight | January 21, 2007
[PureInsight.org] I have been
cultivating for four years now. However, recently I found out
that my attachments to jealousy and competitiveness were still quite
strong. I am writing about them to advance diligently with my
fellow practitioners.
In June this year, my mother-in-law was sick. My husband brought
her to live with us for a few months. I have not lived with my
mother-in-law since my marriage. I wanted to take this
opportunity to talk about cultivation with her. I hoped that she
would join the Dafa practice. I did discuss it with her. I
showed her the videos of Master's lecture in Guangzhou. I taught
her the five sets of exercises. She quickly recovered and almost
didn't take any medication. During the days she stayed with us,
her other sons, daughters-in-law, daughters and sons-in-law came to
visit her. Many relatives came to visit us. My husband (a
fellow practitioner) and I clarified the truth to them. In the
end, they all quit the Chinese Communist Party and affiliated
organizations.
However, conflicts also emerged. Due to more interactions with my
mother-in-law and her other children, I "found" that my mother-in-law
preferred her other children more my husband and me. Relatively
speaking, she cared more about them and didn't think of us often.
She came to us only when she was lacking money. But she didn't
ask for money from her other children. This happened because my
mother-in-law thought that my husband and I were kinder and more
generous, and therefore, easier to take advantage of.
When I found out some of this "inside information" that I didn't know before, I wasn't able to maintain my xinxing.
My jealousy and competitiveness quickly rose. I forgot that I was
a cultivator. I argued several times with my mother-in-law and
insisted that she should apologize to us. Otherwise it would be
too unfair.
At the time, I only saw others' "selfishness" in my eyes. I
considered them too dirty and too mean. I couldn't accept this
reality. I felt that I couldn't let it go. I thought that
we had contributed so much financially to the big family, yet we were
not appreciated!
Later on, when I heard that one of her other children was sick, I even
had secret happiness in my heart. I thought, "Look! It is
retribution!" Now I see how vicious and scary this attachment
was. I was so affected by this attachment at the moment that I
didn't realize how bad it was. Master said, "A wicked person is
born of jealousy. Out of selfishness and anger he complains about
unfairness towards himself." I was a wicked person then.
I realized that my attachment to jealousy and competitiveness was very
strong. As a cultivator, I must relinquish them. Although I
have realized this situation, it was very difficult to let go.
During that period of time, I was affected by them even when sending
righteous thoughts or studying the Fa. I easily got carried away
by them and anger steamed in my heart. I lingered on this issue a
long time. I constantly corrected myself and added a thought when
sending righteous thoughts: eliminate the interference from
jealousy and competitiveness! I could sense that the two
attachments shrank and diminished. They were not so strong any
more, but sometimes they came back to me.
It was not until a recent event that I completely let go of these two
attachments. Several days ago, to my surprise, I found that I was
pregnant. Starting from this year, my husband and I made up our
mind to eliminate "desire's" control over us. It sees, however,
that we didn't do it very well.
Of course, as a cultivator, we knew that we didn't do well
enough. However, since I was now pregnant, I thought that it was
a good thing as well. It was a gift from Master. We lived
as usual. I paid attention not to do any sports.
Many ordinary people around us told us that the first three months were
very important and that we should make sure I was not bumped by
others. I indeed paid attention to these kinds of things.
Once when I was in the checkout line at a supermarket, a young man
suddenly jumped in front of me. Maybe he was in a hurry; he
walked very fast. When he was trying to cut in front of me in the
line, he bumped into me. Although my belly wasn't directly
touched, I felt tremendous pain for a second.
When this happened suddenly, my first thought was: Master will
arrange whether the child should stay or not. This is no big
deal. I shouldn't be attached to it. However, my belly was
very uncomfortable. When I looked at the young man, he happened
to turn around and look at me. His eyes showed that he didn't
feel sorry at all. He even showed a slight happiness at cutting
into the line. When my competitive attachment was present, I very
likely would lose my temper.
However, my mind was blank then. Master's lecture came into my
mind: "With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as
joy." In the past when I memorized this sentence, I simply
memorized it superficially. At that moment, I felt the sentence
permeating every cell of my body. For the first time, I
experienced what I would feel when I had no hatred when I was
hurt.
At that moment, I clearly sensed that the life of the young man was so
far away from mine. I felt sorry for him. I cried.
For the first time, I truly experienced "compassion" and the realm
without self. I didn't know that "dissolving into the Fa" was so
magnificent, holy and beautiful. I felt that every tiny
improvement in disciples has taken too much sacrifice from our
Master. Every occasion of xinxing
improvement and change in our bodies benefit from Master's infinite
grace because "cultivation depends on one's own efforts, while
transforming gong is done by one's master."
After leaving the supermarket, I looked up to the sky. I felt the
capacity of my heart was expanding. I suddenly felt that the
ordinary people around me were so miserable. No matter how my
interests were harmed by them, I wouldn't hate them any more.
The old universe was built on "selfishness." My attachments to
jealousy and competitiveness were no different than the realm of the
old forces. Today, Master has brought with him the Fa of the
universe, Truth-Compassion-Forbearance, opened the widest gate, and
offered equal opportunities to all living beings with the greatest
compassion. We, as those who have been chosen by Master, as the
first group to have obtained the Fa in the human world, as
Fa-Rectification Dafa Disciples, have no reason not to completely
assimilate into the Fa. Otherwise, we don't deserve Master's
compassionate salvation!
Now that I look back on the attachments of jealousy and competitiveness I see they were truly nothing.
Please allow me to end this sharing with Master's scripture "Realms:"
Realms
A wicked person is born of jealousy.
Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.
A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion.
With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy.
An enlightened person has no attachments at all.
He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2006/11/26/41094.html
