PureInsight | January 14, 2007
[PureInsight.org] As I was reviewing "Teacher Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles," I was shocked to read these words:
"Disciple asks: How is the maturity, achieved from a tempering process,
of Dafa disciples as a whole related to the conclusion of
Fa-rectification?
Teacher: The way things look now is that they seem to be basically progressing in parallel."
My condition is pretty bad recently. I feel bitter and tired and wanted
to rest. But there were so many Dafa projects that needed to be done. I
kept thinking about what Teacher said about the conclusion of
Fa-rectification being near. Why is it not yet concluded? On the
surface, I forced myself to do things so that people might think I was
cultivating diligently. But I felt I wasn't diligent at all. For
example, selling tickets for the NTDTV New Year Spectacle is in high
gear and I am very worried about it. I couldn't do it with enthusiasm.
I kept thinking about when we'd be finishing selling those tickets. My
mind was so unbalanced, since other practitioners didn't get involved
in selling tickets, that my human notion started to surface. I calmed
my mind reading Teacher's lecture that was given in Los Angeles. I have
read it many times already. I know the power of the New Year
Spectacular in saving sentient beings and the might of Divine Land
Marching Band. I also know I do not really believe in it from the
bottom of my heart. From reading Teacher's lecture, I know my
attachment has impeded the progress of Fa-rectification. I wasn't
really mature. I have just arrived abroad from China and started
participating in Dafa projects. I want to write down my experiences. If
there is anything improper, please kindly correct me.
I feel that Dafa practitioners abroad are great. Dafa practitioners
abroad have many more human notions compared to practitioners in China.
The environment is so severe in China that most Dafa practitioners are
fighting a strong current. They always feel extremely tight. Because of
high pressure and being in different state of cultivation, every
practitioner creates their own environment. Some practitioners
believe in Teacher and Dafa in every cell, from the microscopic to the
macroscopic. These practitioners are able to do as they please in
distributing material and clarifying the truth. Miracles have often
been bestowed upon them. They don't have slight worry about being
arrested so they become mainstay for the Fa-rectification in China.
Many practitioners have suffered persecution. After July 20, 1999, they
became the targets of harassment from police and residence committees.
Dealing with the pressures from outside and relatives, there were two
choices for practitioners: either give up or persist in cultivation.
Our study group shrank to half its size after the persecution started.
The conditions of those who persisted in cultivation changed from time
to time. I was one of them. I stumbled along. Then I came abroad. With
the exception of one other practitioner and me, everyone in our group
had gone to Beijing to appeal. They were sentenced to as long as three
and one half years at forced labor. After release, they joined our
group. We were together for the last six years. During these six years,
we experienced hardships together and we supported one another. We
formed a whole to clarify the truth and urge people to quit the Chinese
Communist Party (CCP) and its associated organizations. I felt I had
done the worst. Each week I was only able to persuade two to three
people to quit the CCP.
Our group shared experiences once a week. Because of our situation, we
only shared experiences without studying the Fa. I was a new
practitioner in the group. I started to cultivate in 1998. Every one in
our group memorized the Fa, young and old. Every time we met, we would
ask each other how far they had gone in memorizing the Fa. A five year
old practitioner had almost memorized all of Zhuan Falun.
Our sharing was mostly focused on the issues of truth clarifying and
our thoughts. We also discussed problems in the family. We were able to
solve problems from understanding the Fa. Now that I think back,
everyone was trying to help others to solve their problems. We were
able to rectify our attachments from these discussions. We'd start
discussing after finishing making truth-clarifying material. We did the
work in an orderly way. Each person took what he or she needed. I
remember I had only distributed a dozen copies each week. I started
from running away when I gave my first copy to a person to telling
others to read the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. Other
practitioners in our group distributed many more copies. I remember
once, when a fellow practitioner brought a list of more than several
hundreds names who had withdrawn from the CCP, we all were very happy.
No one had any complaint about anyone for distributing more
truth-clarifying materials than others. No one was jealous of anyone.
There wasn't any conflict but encouragement. I felt we all were able to
forgive others, even though we argued sometimes.
I remember one time a fellow practitioner was facing tribulations. We
continued to discuss her problem after she left. No one blamed her for
anything but we wanted to find out where the problem lay. We sent forth
righteous thoughts the next time we talked with her to prevent the evil
taking advantage of her loophole. We knew a practitioner's phone was
being monitored so we didn't use that phone for communication. We thus
added one more thought in our sending forth righteous thoughts. When
another practitioner was having problem, we sent forth righteous
thoughts towards her to open up her space to join ours to help her
eradicate the evil. We were able to sense problems of fellow
practitioners. Once, when I felt very sad and my condition had
deteriorated, I knew a fellow practitioner was having a problem. I
started to send forth righteous thoughts to help her to get over her
tribulation. The next time we met I was very happy to know the
practitioner had overcome her tribulation.
I knew we hadn't reached what Teacher required of us under such
environment. We all had fear. We were afraid of being arrested, beaten,
or sentenced. Since I was the youngest one, they were sentimental about
me and they didn't want me to get involved with important stuff. But
when I had any attachment, they would point it out without reservation.
They knew any attachment would create a loophole for the evil to take
advantage of me.
We stepped back sometimes. I remember that when the Sujiatun
Concentration Camp situation became known, we only clarified the truth
and didn't go out distributing material for a whole week. That lasted
until I told a person about the Sujiatun affair who then told me that
he knew about it because there was a poster downstairs. He said that
the CCP was so evil that they could have done anything. We all felt
ashamed. Other groups realized they needed to grasp every opportunity
to clarify the truth, but we were slow in taking action. We thus
resumed distributing material, but it was late for several weeks.
Once, our coordinator brought a fake scripture from another group. When
we pointed out the inadequacy of the coordinator, she was very sincere
in accepting the criticism. After she left, another practitioner told
us that we had a serious omission. Why was the fake scripture passed on
to us and why were we allowed to see it? We all needed to look further
within ourselves whether we inadequacies in believing Teacher and the
Fa. We are walking on the path of godhood under the environment in
China. We all know we have supernormal capabilities. Police in their
cars would not see us when we posted the truth clarifying material on
the police vehicle. We distributed truth-clarifying materials in broad
daylight self-assuredly. We clarified the truth in the busy market. But
we were not able to achieve this condition all the time. When we were
together, we felt we were like indomitable gods. When we did the
Fa-rectification work, our righteous thoughts were very strong, but
when we were unstable, we had fear.
Fear is the attachment practitioners in China need to get rid of.
Otherwise, we will be suffocated. One source of fear came from reading
articles on the Minghui website about fellow practitioners in China
being persecuted to death. We invariably looked for the attachments of
the practitioners who were persecuted to death to convince ourselves
not to fear, because we didn't have the same problem. But we saw that
some steadfast practitioners who had very strong righteous thoughts
were persecuted to death.
Once when I said in the group study that I would not be able to endure
the pain if my fingers were being pierced with bamboo sticks, everyone
suddenly stopped talking. They looked at me and told me to say the same
thing again. A fellow practitioner told me that he felt I had a lot of
loopholes and I needed to return those words into my mind. If bamboo
sticks were piercing my fingers it meant that I would be
arrested. Even if I didn't yield to them at first, when I
wouldn't be able to sustain the torture I would write a guarantee
statement and gave up on cultivation. These words meant I had walked to
the end of cultivation. Why would I want to be arrested?
I was shocked. I had exposed my biggest loophole unexpectedly with
these words. I felt I was losing face. I said that there were
practitioners who had very strong righteous thoughts but still were
arrested. How could anyone have no loopholes? It was impossible to have
strong righteous thoughts all the time. They told me that that thought
was unrighteous in itself and not pure. Other people's experiences
could only be used as references in cultivation. No one could represent
or replace another person in cultivation. When others were arrested and
persecuted to death, we should consider their experiences only to find
our own attachments. But they couldn't be you. We consciously discern
the right path with the Fa. Teacher's lectures are very clear.
Teacher's words are the Fa and you haven't engraved them on your mind.
Instead, you wavered because of others' experiences. You tried to
memorize Zhuan Falun. Teacher says in lecture three that he will
protect Dafa practitioners. You did not really believe it from deep
inside of yourself. You wavered because of others' experiences. Even
the experiences of all Dafa practitioners around the world are not the
absolute truth of the universe. That is because every one has his own
enlightenment to guide his behavior. Each understanding at his level is
the manifestation of the Fa at that level. Every word in Zhuan Falun is
the Fa. You took others' experience as the truth and doubted Teacher's
Fa. Wasn't that right? My words caused me to improve. They also said
that what they had said was also their understanding and it could only
guide them at that level. I nodded my head. I was extremely happy. I
suddenly saw the light. This was our study group. We were like a
family, a dozen of people sitting around speaking out freely, without
any formality, without any order of who was to speak first or who was
next. That was why I felt it was so very interesting when I attended a
group Fa study after I came abroad. Even when there were only a dozen
of people, there was a host. The host would allow someone to talk. Each
one can only talk for three minutes. Since I haven't gotten used to the
situation here, I tend to behave in the extreme. But if a family has
seven people, do they have a time limit on talking? If someone wants to
talk, just talk.
I have many stories to tell about our study group. I will write them
down later. My husband and I came to Canada this year and I have many
thoughts I want to share with everyone. I have deep tacit bond with
practitioners in China such that I have formed a mental block of not
wanting to meld with the fellow practitioners overseas. This is my
biggest attachment right now. Why did I say overseas Dafa practitioners
were great? I believe that under the severe cultivation environment in
China, it was like a strict teacher who keeps spurring you on so that
either you give up cultivation or cultivate diligently. Otherwise all
previous work will be undone and one dare not have any attachment. The
feeling between practitioners is closer than our own family. But it's
different overseas. I felt that in China, it was like a teacher treats
little students, both stern and critical. But it is like in a
university for overseas practitioners. One depends on oneself. You can
either do or not do a thing. Participating in every activity is
voluntary. It is hard for humans to overcome inertia. The difficulty in
China is to get rid of fear. The pursuit of comfort and sentiment will
destroy a cultivator overseas. I have participated in many media
projects and I am busy all the time. I started to complain during the
process. I felt that I had never been involved in media work, so how
could I compare with an ordinary person. Slowly, my mind was filled
with human notions and I forgot I am a cultivator. What I perceived was
the reality of this world. I gave up face-to-face clarifying the truth.
I only thought of what I would eat after I finished the work. There
seems so much conflict in dealing with overseas practitioners. Every
practitioner I had contacted in China was kind and amiable. They all
considered themselves insignificant. During all these years of personal
cultivation in China, we hadn't discussed the tests of personal
cultivation; instead we focused on saving sentient beings. Everything
we did we considered others first. When we finished eating, we would
wash all the dishes and clean the house until it was neat and tidy.
Everyone listed things I needed to bring overseas and wrote down every
thing they could think of. They sent forth righteous thoughts to
eliminate the interference from the customs officers. They wanted me to
convey their thanks to Dafa practitioners overseas. When they saw a
Dafa practitioner from overseas, they all had tears running down their
faces.
Arriving abroad, it seems like I am dropping from heaven to the human
world. Every thing is so realistic. People can easily be on the decline
in this environment. I was constantly striving for an environment for
peaceful cultivation in China. The severe environment tempered us to be
mature. But it wasn't what we wanted. Teacher wants to save all beings
who haven't committed any crime against Dafa. Dafa practitioners in
China are in the process of reaching maturity under such an
environment. Many Dafa practitioners abroad didn't go through personal
cultivation and participate in Fa-rectification projects. Those
projects touch upon many things. We don't have money or power to save
sentient beings, yet we need to compete with the CCP, which possesses
money and power. The environment is sometimes beyond one's control and
we are in passive mode. I feel, therefore, that Dafa practitioners
abroad are under very difficult cultivation conditions. It is very
tiring. Everyone is very capable. Every one tries to show his
cultivated side and hide the inadequate side. They do not exchange
sharing frankly. When a group environment formed, it is very difficult
for an individual to sustain a high load. When they are worn out, they
will lag behind in their Fa study and doing exercises. My personal
feeling is that Dafa practitioners overseas are in arduous condition
and too easily tired. One of the reasons is they cannot put down or get
past something in their hearts. They don't want to say what they really
think, because they are afraid that others cannot accept it or they
will be considered as not cultivating well. In China, if we needed to
distribute one thousand pamphlets, some would take more if their
conditions were good. I usually just took a few, but other
practitioners would then take some away from me. They told me not try
to save face. It was a very serious business and should be done
according to one's ability. Sometimes I would grab them back and tell
them that I could do it. They would smile and said it looked like that
I was able to do it.
I feel that practitioners abroad need to coordinate well and divide the
assignments in an orderly way so that everyone can take care of Dafa
projects and also have time to take care of their family. They should
reduce the load for the newcomers so that they will be able to
undertake more in the future. Don't do things to the extreme. Many
practitioners abroad are so busy that they don't have any spare time
while some practitioners do not do anything. The crux is to have good
sharing and be frank and honest with their families.
I have been abroad for almost one year now and I haven't started
looking for a job. My parents, neither of whom is a cultivator, are
very anxious and consider the situation to be abnormal. I told them
clearly the reason I wasn't looking for a job. They now support me
fully. Words of Dafa practitioners have power. We need to tell them
clearly so they will not l worry. Just like Teacher has said, if our
words don't have any human notions and only consider others, they will
shed tears. I find some practitioners think their family will not
understand them and thus isolate themselves. This is wrong. If your
families don't understand you it means they don't understand the Fa.
Actually the lock is in our own minds; we need to put away our
attachments. I hadn't seen any practitioner in China lose his or her
temper for a long time. When I saw overseas practitioners were having
conflicts and losing their tempers, I had this long lost feeling. I
consider it silly for practitioners in China to lose their temper.
Teacher has said it very clearly, but practitioners still personally
defy the Fa. Not only have you gained four ways in one shot, but it
also allows the evil to find a reason to persecute you. Ordinary people
can lose their temper and curse us or even hit us. We forgive them
because they don't know the Fa. But we have obtained the Fa and still
break the rule. It is like committing crime on top of crime.
People who do not cultivate are pitiable. But Teacher and we
practitioners cherish the high level beings. It is even more pitiable
if a cultivator gives up on cultivation. When we do not validate the Fa
and cannot reach the requirements of the Fa, we belong to the old
universe.
I write this article also to look inside myself. Why do I cultivate?
Why do I choose cultivation and gave up a life of leisure? How much do
I firmly believe in Dafa? Even knowing to look within, I still push
everything outside. Being a cultivator, I do not hold on to the fame
and gain but I want to have some achievement abroad. When fellow
practitioners need encouragement and tolerance, I complain a lot. I
feel I don't know how to cultivate; it is like one blind man being led
by another. I have strayed thousand of miles from Teacher and the Fa
and I still hope that Fa rectification will end soon. I wasn't aware
that all my attachments are hindering Fa rectification. Once the Fa
rectification is ended everything will be fixed. It will be very
terrifying. I will solidly cultivate myself from now on to reach the
requirements of the Fa. It is not what we can do for the Fa. It is the
Fa and Teacher using various means to cleanse us. I hope that Teacher
will not be disappointed in us. I will learn how to cultivate.
This is my personal understanding. I hope that fellow practitioners
will share with me, correct me, and we can move forward together
diligently.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2007/1/2/41597.html
