PureInsight | August 31, 2006
[PureInsight.org] (United Kingdom Experience Sharing Conference, 2006) Recently
when another practitioner did not do well with a very serious test, I
foolishly had the thought "I wonder if I could pass such a test." Even
before the thought finished, I realised it was not a righteous thought
and dismissed it as wrong thinking.
Within a day, however, I felt my jaw ache so much that my eyes were
watering. I understood this manifestation was an infection and I knew
it was due to my incorrect thought, so I sent righteous thoughts and
tried to dig out the notion of fear and doubt that created this
loophole.
The next day, however, it was not gone. The pain was severe now, as
this seeming "infection" was taking hold. I knew it could be serious
since my mother had a tooth infection which moved to her liver and her
doctor told her this sort of infection can be fatal.
Master says in "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles in February 2006:"
"Dafa disciples, all the way until their last step to Consummation,
will be tested as to whether they can make it. There could be very,
very critical tests for you all the way until you are just one step
away from finishing. That is because every step becomes more and more
critical to your cultivation and your tests, especially toward the end.
You know, those lawless gods of the old cosmos will try to manoeuvre
things until the very end, as long as they are still around. When you
are not up to par, they will surely try to find a way to bring you
down. They know that Li Hongzhi won't abandon you, so they will use all
kinds of methods to make you fall. Having just one single thought be
off will make a person falter. So the closer it is to the end, the more
serious and crucial the tests will be."
Even though I had to work, I sent righteous thoughts throughout the day. When I got home I tried to read Zhuan Falun
but the pain was blinding and I could not see the words on the page. I
tried to listen to the lectures or do the exercises but I could not
focus or calm my mind. I tried to recite "Lunyu,"
but could only struggle to repeat the first few words. The physical
part of the pain was excruciating, but what was worse was that the pain
completely filled my mind and was utterly debilitating. So I just kept
repeating the few words of "Lunyu" that I could manage.
At night I could not sleep from the pain, so I just sent righteous
thoughts (with great effort) and recited the few words of "Lunyu"
I could form in my mind. I also kept trying to dig out any attachments.
But I couldn't focus enough to dig or think, so I did the only thing I
could: I thought of Master. I felt like I was inside a furious storm of
pain which was blowing around all my thoughts except this one thread of
thought that I held on to tightly. I could not even focus enough to
form the thought of asking Master for help, I just had the feeling that
I was reaching towards Him.
The next day, the pain was still severe. I realised that I viewed this
situation as a problem, which acknowledges the old forces. So I let go
of this notion and replaced it with a full acceptance in Master and His
path for me. I laid all my faith in Master, let go of all other
thoughts and believed with all my heart that it didn't matter what
happened, since I was on His path and His path alone. As this day
progressed, I could feel a tiny centre of calm growing ever so slightly
in my mind. I did not pursue wanting to be "better" but just accepted
things as they were. The pain was still severe, though, and every
moment felt like an eternity. Unfortunately, I then had the thought
that "it was ok, so long as it was just pain which I could hide from
the ordinary people around me."
The next day however, my face was badly swollen. Of course, this fear
had manifested and I realised my loophole. My fear was that my husband
would want me to go to the doctor or take medicine, and I knew that
this situation was not about the physical manifestation, but about the
old forces taking advantage of my incorrect thoughts.
So I just let go of this fear and considered my swollen face as "not a
problem." I forced myself to read as much as possible. By this time, I
could read a little, so my mind was able to focus more. The more I read
the more I could focus. However I had previously promised my husband
that I would sand the upstairs and downstairs hallway so we could
decorate. The sanding machine vibrations aggravated the pain, but I
accepted it and continued sanding for many hours. I still only thought
of Master and as much of Lunyu as I could struggle to form in my mind.
The fourth day was still severe and my face was still swollen, but I
continued with my righteous thoughts and thinking righteously that this
was not a problem. I had surrendered to complete faith that no matter
what, Master would make everything right and there was nothing at all
to worry about. At one point my husband looked me straight in the face
and said "Are you ok?" he paused looking me over intently and said "you
look a little tired." I wanted to laugh, though, as my face was swollen
like chipmunk cheeks filled with nuts and even though my husband was
looking directly at me, he didn't even see the swelling.
From Zhuan Falun, Master says:
"The other day I said that the Buddha-light illuminates everywhere and
rectifies all abnormalities. In other words, the energy scattered from
our bodies can rectify all abnormal conditions. Therefore, under the
effects of this field, if you do not think about these things, you will
unintentionally restrain your spouse as well. If you do not and will
not think of them, your spouse will not think of them, either."
After a few more days the pain and swelling finally went away. From
this experience, I learned that by letting go of my fears and just
having strong righteous faith in Master, there can be no loophole for
the old forces to bring me down and no test I cannot pass.
Master says in a comment on a student's article in July 2005:
"for cultivators, fear or lack thereof proves [one's] humanity or
divinity, and it is what differentiates cultivators from ordinary
people. It is something that a cultivator must face, and the biggest
human attachment that a cultivator must remove."
