PureInsight | December 26, 2005
[PureInsight.org] For a long time, I saw only shortcomings in other people or attachments that fellow practitioners had had for a long period of time. I thought I was worrying about them and thus often tried to talk to them about my concerns. I often felt so helpless afterwards. I didn't know why they couldn't understand what I had said. Why couldn't they understand me even when I expressed myself so clearly? Why couldn't they get rid of their attachments and why were they still immersed in tribulations? Over time, I developed a helpless feeling, thinking that I couldn't do anything for them. I even felt that I didn't want to be around them anymore. But at the same time, I was also vaguely aware that I had problems within myself.
I always thought I was right, but I forgot every problem that we encounter is an opportunity to raise our xinxing levels and the problem has something to do with our minds not being righteous. One day, my husband asked me suddenly, "Why have you never accepted others' opinions even once?" At the time, I still insisted that I had my own view. I told myself, "What is wrong with that? Do I need to lower my standard to accept the wrong ideas and thinking of other people?" I was totally defensive, especially because my husband is not a cultivator. I thought he couldn't have understood my enlightenment by the Fa.
A fellow practitioner called and suggested that I step up to participate in Dafa activities more often. But I always found excuses not to participate in Dafa activities. I told them that it takes a lot of time for me to write articles and I also have children to take care of. I thought others could not understand how difficult it is to write articles. I felt that I was walking on the path Teacher had arranged for me, and others would not understand. Anyhow, I wouldn't listen to others' opinions and considered my understanding to be always right. I didn't realize that I had a mind incapable of accommodating others' opinions and listening to different opinions and that I needed to expand my capacity and breadth of mind.
For a long time I couldn't let go of my non-compromising mind. I encountered problems and obstacles one after another: virus attack on my computer, poor electric connection with my computer, problems with my printer, and having problems typing Chinese characters on my computer. Finally, my eyes were in such pain that I could no longer read anything on the screen. Towards the end, I thought it was interference from evil. My writing slowed down substantially. Because it took even more time to write articles, I went out to participate in Dafa activities less often. I was trapped in tribulations and couldn't free myself from them.
During this time, a fellow practitioner was having sickness karma. I felt I couldn't do anything to help. I was also very conceited and thought that I would surely know what to do if it had happened to me. I went to talk to her several times, but she wouldn't listen to me. When her situation became more serious, I gave up helping her. I thought it was caused by her long lasting attachments, and I had no way of helping her. I didn't even help her send forth righteous thoughts. I was attached to see others' inadequacies. I was indifferent and harsh towards others, and I was not willing to help others when they needed help.
I totally forgot I needed to cultivate myself. I forgot that any problem we encounter has to do with our minds not being righteous. When others had problems and wouldn't listen to my opinions, I never thought that it was because I had the same problems as they did. They were mirrors for me to see myself. But I didn't look within. Otherwise, why would I always find other people not so pleasing to my eyes? I always felt indignant when others wouldn't listen to my advice. Gradually I began to feel there was something wrong with me.
One day when I finished taking a shower, I suddenly realized something. When my body isn't clean, I wash it; otherwise, I won't feel comfortable. When my mind isn't "clean," don't I also feel uncomfortable and need to clean it as well? The answer is a definite yes. I suddenly realized my problem and I made up my mind to correct my unrighteous mind. I told myself that I need to look within unreservedly.
When I changed my mindset, I gradually understood why my mind was incapable of accommodating others' opinions. I looked down upon other people's understandings when they were different from mine. I was angry with others because I felt helpless when I thought that other people hadn't elevated their xinxing levels and had stayed at their original level to look at problems and thus couldn't walk away from their tribulations." This mindset made me move further and further away from Dafa practitioners as a whole body. As a result, my mood swung wildly when I received phone calls from people who defended the Communist Party, insisted on their opinions about the Community Party, or cursed Dafa when I clarified the truth to them. I would either argue with them or give up on them. I felt disgusted with such people, thinking they were beyond help and they were evil. It actually pushed those people who need to be saved away. I was also harsh towards fellow practitioners. I had the attachment of seeing their inadequacies. When they didn't listen to my advice, I gave up helping them and didn't want to be with them.
I couldn't be accommodating toward other people or other people's inadequacies, shortcomings, or faults. That was the reason that I had suffered interference, received those troubling phone calls, and run into people that I detested. Actually, all those things were targeted towards my mind. Otherwise, I wouldn't have encountered such things. I had become so narrow minded without realizing it.
I began to treat other with kindness, humbly listened to others' opinions, and accepted other people's ways of looking at things. Once my mindset changed, I began to recognize Teacher's hints and help.
I considered myself strict in my personal cultivation. During my cultivation together with my two children, I should have understood a lot more Fa principles. My children are only five and two years old. But I have made a lot of effort to look within when dealing with different conflicts in my daily life with my children. Along the way, I have continued to raise myself to higher levels and felt deeply that the wisdom of Dafa is everywhere. Because of it, I have found my experience of raising my children to be a joyful experience and I have gained a lot of confidence in myself as a mother. But I didn't realize that I had treated my fellow practitioners, ordinary people, and my husband with a different attitude. Teacher wanted me to advance myself and yet I didn't want to face it.
One day while I was preparing for supper, I listened to my five-year-old daughter reading Zhuan Falun and I felt very cheerful. (She started to read Zhuan Falun when she was three years old. She now persists in reading twenty paragraphs every day.) I suddenly recalled how I have raised my children. I have treated them with patience and kindness. I care about what they think. I listen to them and do things that they like to do, even though some of the things are things that I personally don't enjoy doing or consider being worthwhile. I look after their mental needs and feelings carefully. I use every means to encourage them. When they do things well, I praise them; when they make mistakes, I forgive them and give them chances to correct them. Partly because of my patient guidance, my daughter started being able to read Zhuan Falun at such a young age. Of course the power of Dafa and gift of the child were the more important elements. But I believe that Teacher had seen my efforts and seeing my daughter being able to read Zhuan Falun at the age of 3 was the biggest encouragement that I had received.
My daughter is truly wise beyond her years. She knows to look after her mother and her brother. It comes from the care that I have been giving her and the wisdom bestowed upon me from Dafa. When she made mistakes and was too young to understand what she had done, I didn't treat her harshly and instead I took responsibility for the mistakes she had made. For example, wasting food is wrong. But when she was little and couldn't understand it, it wasn't possible for me to explain it to her and make her finish her plate. So I finished what she had left on her plate. When she got a little older and had conflicts with her playmates, I apologized to her playmates on her behalf or made up for the losses and damage she had caused. At that time, it wasn't possible for me to convince her that she had been wrong. Instead, I quietly remedied the situation myself. When I tried to talk to her, many times she wasn't convinced or didn't understand why she had been wrong. When that happened, I would patiently explain to her what she had done and then made remedies myself. I didn't complain about what I had to do. Although I got angry sometimes, I quickly forgave her since she was too young to understand things and I could not force her to behave just like me. I knew that I was supposed to give her guidance, and I used every way that a child could comprehend to make her understand things. I had never once stopped giving care to my children. It didn't matter how annoyed, hurt or helpless I felt at that time. I always persisted and found a way to solve the situation.
Looking back, I honestly feel that I have been dealing with my children with compassion. I thank Teacher for guiding me on this journey. Come to think about it, hasn't our Teacher treated us with the same compassion and unselfishness? According to my understanding, when we couldn't let go of an attachment, or we made mistakes and caused loss, it is Teacher who endured it for us and gave us chance after chance to correct our own mistakes. He has never given up on us and always quietly makes remedies when we don't do things well or fail to meet the requirement. He always encourages us to keep going forward. When I think about this, my unsympathetic mind toward other people disappears.
I want to learn from Teacher. I want to treat my fellow practitioners just like I've treat my children with unselfish concern and willingness to offer help.
I have made a breakthrough in my cultivation, and I am extremely joyful for that. I am now better able to see other people's good sides and my own shortcomings. When I see other people's inadequacies, I no longer feel sad and frustrated. Instead I actively help them and try to work along with them to complete the tasks that contribute to the Fa-rectification and save people well. When there are problems, I no longer complain that other practitioners are irresponsible, not serious enough, or have attachments. Now I try to make my own contributions and make remedies whenever possible. Once my mind became righteous, my computer and printer problems went away miraculously. My eyes ceased to bother me. Fellow practitioners have also been able to listen to and accept my suggestions much more readily.
My mind has definitely become broader. I'm truly grateful for the hints that Teacher has given me and the suggestions from fellow practitioners. I have to come to realize that when I help others I am actually helping myself and that other practitioners' affairs are also my own affairs. We must be strict with ourselves but generous with others. When other practitioners have problems, I not only try to give tangible help, I also try to point out my understanding of what their problems are with compassion. When they can't accept my view right away, I don't give up and instead persist in offering my help quietly with compassion and unselfishness. This is what I have asked myself to do. I also hope that when others see my shortcomings, they will help me so that we can make progress and do things well together. If we all do that, how would the evil be able to interfere with us by taking advantage of conflicts among us and make us feel that we are struggling helplessly on our own and are under so much pressure that we are about to run out of breath?
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2005/12/12/34924.html
