PureInsight | September 9, 2002
Master pointed out that many of our attachments are so deeply ingrained in our minds that we would only be able to overcome them through diligent Fa study. Therefore each cultivator has to study the Fa, conscientiously search within him/herself and not be lax in addressing the roots of any attachment. Master's words made me realize that I had not truly faced one of my attachments, 'carelessness.' Moreover, I frequently used carelessness as an excuse for underachievement. For instance, when I lost points in tests because of carelessness, I would appease myself, 'It was not that I did not know the answers!" In other words, it was perfectly all right, as long as I did not lose the points because I was not smart or because I had not studied hard enough. I placated myself, as I knew in my heart that I was not stupid and could answer the questions correctly, if only I would be a little less careless. Yet, I could not motivate myself enough to become less careless.
As with so many human attachments, I did not recognize the severity of the problem until after I cultivated in Dafa. Although I was serious in my cultivation, I could not break my old habits. I made the same mistakes over and over again. I just could not motivate myself enough, because it was so difficult to correct my mistakes. However, I knew instinctively that I had to break through whatever held me back. Therefore, I asked myself, "What is the root cause of my carelessness?"
I remembered that Master said, "People have to think in leading their lives. Because one is lost among everyday people, one will often develop in one's mind thoughts for fame, benefits, lust, anger, etc. Gradually, these thoughts become the powerful thought karma." (From "Your Main Consciousness Should Predominate" in Lecture Six of Zhuan Falun.)
I contemplated deeply, thinking of what Master was telling us. I slowly began to understand the role of thought karma in our life. Thus, when recollecting the mistakes I had made, I began to gradually understand how thought karma had affected my cultivation. My thought karma had played a major role in my inability to address this attachment. My thought karma controlled me instead of my consciousness being in control. The thought karma had numbed my main consciousness to an extent that I became oblivious to my flaws. I suddenly understood clearly that this was the reason why I was unable to break the habit of being careless. It was my inability to be in charge, to control my life and make decisions. I allowed my thought karma to control my life and thus made the same mistake over and over again during the course of my cultivation. And, who was to blame? I had to take control over my actions and overcome my rather active thought karma.
Reflecting more deeply on Master's words, I began to understand that all matter had life, including thought karma. Yes, Master has told us disciples many times that all matter had life, but it just did not sink in. I just had not been ready to hear this truth. I remember clearly, that I once woke up in the middle of the night to find that I was making up a story in my head. At that moment, my main consciousness was dominating, so I knew for a fact it was absolutely not I making up the story. As soon as I realized that, it became crystal clear to me that it was an independent life trying to manipulate my thoughts, and that I must eliminate it. I pondered at how easily one may fall under the influence of this thought karma. How easy is it to let our postnatally acquired notions take over? How difficult is it to break away from our conventional thinking? What happens when one's main consciousness does not dominate? Who is in control - my main consciousness, thought karma, postnatally acquired notions or my assistant consciousness? I had learned another truth. I had moved another step forward in my arduous journey of cultivation.
I am quite certain that I have to be a diligent cultivator. I can no longer make excuses for being careless. I can no longer be oblivious to my flaws. I must at all times remember to keep righteous thoughts. I must remind myself at all times that I am a practitioner in Dafa. As soon as bad thoughts emerge, I must thoroughly eliminate them. I must stay in control. I cannot let any other matter control my life. It is even more important as we are cultivators during the Fa-rectification period. A cultivator should be beyond these bad thoughts. After all, thought karma is filthy matter at a very low level. I remember clearly how Master tells us that our main consciousness, I, should predominate. Moreover I have to be diligent in my Fa study. I have to continuously improve myself. I can never forget that I am a cultivator in Dafa.
Translated from:
http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2002/8/20/18196.html
