PureInsight | January 13, 2016
[ PureInsight.org] Recently after reading Master’s “Fa teaching at the 2015 West Coast Fa Conference,” I was worried about my gap and wanted to improve my realm everyday. When I thought this, Master kept revealing things to me and made me realized the latent selfishness in my thoughts.
In the past couple of years, the economy in Mainland China has been heading along a steep downward path, and no businesses have been easy to operate. However, there was one thought in my mind: other people’s businesses are going through a hard time, but my business won’t be affected because I am different from them (in fact it really was not affected very much). In the past couple of days, I reflected more deeply about this problem: “Why I was different from other people? Why was my business not affected?” It turned out that a thought often emerged from my heart: “In these years I spent quite some money on Dafa projects; therefore, I should not be affected when other people’s businesses are in jeopardy. Dafa will reward me.”
Isn’t this selfishness? Isn’t this bargaining with Dafa? This thought was deeply lurking and only emerged when my business was in trouble. It made me feel at ease: I have spent so much money on Dafa projects, so now it is time for a return. This selfishness lurks deeply within one’s being, manipulating the person without a trace, but it is really cunning, appearing sometimes and disappearing at other times. I saw this ugly selfishness while I was awakened and sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it thoroughly. I said to Master in my mind, “The effort I have given to Dafa’s projects is pure. I don’t want any return. I want to eliminate this dirty selfishness thoroughly! Eliminate it thoroughly!!”
A few days ago, a fellow practitioner nearby was hospitalized. When I went to see him, he sobbed all the time. Before that I had a presentiment that he would probably be persecuted in the form of illness karma because he was not diligent. He rarely studied the Fa and did the exercises, nor did he sue Jiang, but he felt good about himself. Throughout these years, there have been several examples of practitioners persecuted by illness karma in our locality. I thought how the old forces could let these kinds of practitioners go. After the fellow practitioner was hospitalized, there was a lot of negative gossip. Some said, “This is the result of him demeaning himself, being ambiguous about cultivation and treating cultivating as a game…” Still others said, “Do you regularly do the three things well? Aren’t you clear about it? You only remember to beg Master when you’re persecuted by illness karma…” In the process I was also heavy-hearted, felt pitiful and helpless, and had some resentment, thinking that this practitioner was really poor all through these years, busy with his business all day and all night. When he sent forth righteous thoughts, his hand would fall, and I never saw him being diligent. How could the evil let go of him?
Such a notion was given a stick wake up by Master via a fellow practitioner’s words, “This understanding of yours is really making the old forces happy. The old forces would say, ‘So many Dafa disciples are blaming this fellow practitioner. Doesn’t this mean what we have done is correct?’ What is the difference between this understanding and that of the old forces? Why not look within? ” I woke up immediately and saw my selfishness: I had always been measuring this fellow practitioner with “notions,” thinking he was not diligent and that it was fine for him to be persecuted. This was actually measuring the fellow practitioner with the old cosmos’s principle, “If you cannot make it, you will be weeded out”. Isn’t this siding with the old forces? I immediately disintegrated this notion and changed my understanding. When the fellow practitioner was persecuted by illness karma, on the one hand I should look within for my own deficiencies and catch up with the process of the Fa rectification; on the other hand, I should send forth more righteous thoughts for the fellow practitioner, deny such persecution and share more with him about the Fa principles, while not looking at his deficiencies, blaming him or holding grudges toward him. When I thought like this, I felt strong energy throughout my body, and I could calm down when sending forth righteous thoughts. It was extraordinarily solemn.
Still, when I continuously made progress diligently (actually I was more inferior to those diligent fellow practitioners), there was always one thought in my heart: “I am so diligently making progress that consummation should not be a problem.” Furthermore, I sometimes measured myself with the Fa: I have done what I should do and paid what I should pay, so I won’t be left behind on the end day. Recently I suddenly understood that such thoughts could not be correct. Master has told us many times in the Fa teaching to be selfless and altruistic. What was underlying the consummation in my thoughts? It was ending the pain, breaking away from the sufferings of the world and liberating “the self” rather than prioritizing saving sentient beings. There was an obvious goal behind the efforts, but could this reach the standard of the new cosmos’ beings?
Every time I made an effort to do Dafa projects, a faint thought arose naturally, which was to connect my efforts with “mighty virtue.” I thought I did more than others, spent more money and put in more effort, so I should “certainly” be included in the “big fruition” and “high realms” that Master has talked about because I have already made so much effort. Isn’t this bargaining with Master? I really feel ashamed. Alas, as a Dafa disciple, not even a little bit of selfishness can be brought forward into the new cosmos. This fundamental principle can never be ignored.
In the past, I would add one thought every time I sent forth righteous thoughts: “Eliminate the demons of aging, diseases and death in my body; cut me off from any constraint of the matters in the three realms; let my face look younger and younger to become better topic for truth clarification.” Recently I found that these thoughts were really impure and bear strong egoism. What was behind “young” was selfishness, making other people praise how good I have cultivated -- how vain this was! So what if I looked young? Was I going to be a human being forever? The beauty brought by Dafa comes in a natural and unconscious way, so do you need to “seek” it? No matter how good a person’s surface may be, it will be discarded in the end. Only a pure heart and selfless realm can be taken away.
The purpose of writing down this recent understanding is to share with fellow practitioners. Please compassionately correct anything inappropriate.
Translated from: http://zhengjian.org/node/149232
