PureInsight | June 3, 2002
Teacher said, "Shan is the manifestation of the nature of the universe at different levels and in different dimensions. It is also the fundamental nature of Great Enlightened Beings. Therefore, a cultivator must cultivate Shan and assimilate to the nature of the universe, Zhen-Shan-Ren." (From "A Brief Explanation of Shan" in Essentials for Further Advancement)
I remember that I read an experience-sharing article from Clearwisdom a few months ago that dealt with cultivating Shan (Compassion). In the article, the author said that although he knew many of the principles, he sadly realized that he was not compassionate enough. This article was tremendously shocking to me and the practitioners around me. I have often heard other practitioners say they had a similar problem.
I also found out that I lack compassion. That is why I want to explore my problems and share my discoveries with fellow practitioners.
Something happened yesterday and from it I clearly saw my problem of being not compassionate enough. Even though the incident appeared to have no relationship with Fa-rectification or clarifying the truth, it showed me my precise xinxing level at that time. Sometimes, I feel that it's the small things in life that properly expose our xinxing standard, and let us see our selfishness. And it's this selfishness that the old force uses as an excuse to further "examine" the practitioners, and a reason why this evil tribulation is still continuing.
Last night I heard that the wife of the couple that are co-renters of our apartment couldn't figure out how to get off the freeway. She called her husband for help. She was quite frightened. Her husband kept on calming her over the phone and said that he would find a car to get her, and told her not to worry and she should just sit tight and wait for him. At that moment I found out that I didn't feel anything in my heart. I was neither worried about her, nor did I think about how to help her. I was thinking, "Maybe her husband will make my husband go with him." I was not at all happy with this possibility. I felt that this is such a burden. Then I thought that their phone might not be working very well, and that they will want to use our phone instead. But, that would disturb me from going online and disturb my plans to call China for clarifying the truth. What a distraction and inconvenience! At that moment, I didn't have any compassionate thoughts. I did not think about the others at all. Although it seemed as if I treated calling China to clarify the truth as more important, I knew it was just an excuse to use Fa promoting to cover up my unwillingness to help others. When I realized that I had these uncompassionate feelings, I felt extremely bad about it. I think this is a strong hindrance that prevented me from melting into the Fa. These uncompassionate mentalities were like a dark field cutting me off from the nature of the universe.
On numerous occasions I could feel these uncompassionate and bitter feelings that the dark fields brought. For example, when practitioners see the elderly or women with children on buses, they would give up their seats for them. I would do that, too. Sometimes, I felt that the reason I did it was because I thought that I was supposed to do so. It was not from the kindness of my heart. Sometimes when riding the bus and seeing an elderly person, I silently wished that he would not come my way, so I won't have to give up my seat. Giving up my seat became an obligatory duty of some sort.
When interacting with practitioners or with ordinary people, I can feel my lack of compassion. When I am facing certain people, I can clearly sense my field of compassion, or the lack of it, towards them. Normally, when I don't like certain people, I could feel that I have no compassion toward them. It felt as if I just could not stand them and they felt the same way toward me. I think a living being is quite sensitive to other peoples' compassion or its absence. When I send coldness and hostility toward another person, how can the other party be harmonious with me? I also found out that this problem is very obvious among Chinese practitioners. A lot of practitioners dislike each other, and we behave discordantly among ourselves. But this is very rare among western practitioners. Their compassion is very obvious, and one can see it from their actions. Maybe this is why many "picky" Chinese practitioners are kind to western practitioners. It may be that their field of compassion is so strong that everyone can feel, so they respond with true kindness. This is an example of what Teacher said, "The Buddha-light illuminates everywhere and rectifies all abnormalities." (From Zhuan Falun) Treating others with kindness sounds easy enough, but it is so difficult for me to do just that. I felt that my heart just couldn't emit any compassion to some individuals that I just don't like and don't appreciate. I still couldn't accept certain people even after much striving. I am not happy myself when I dislike certain people.
I will always remember a fantastic experience of last summer that let me feel the beauty of pure compassion. One night, I was returning home after a group study. Suddenly, I felt as if I had given up all my past uncompassionate thoughts. I felt as if I were a new person and had reached a fantastic level. At that moment, I felt as if I had realized the true meaning and majesty of cultivation. Before that, I always knew that Great Enlightened Beings are unselfish and consider others before themselves. I always felt that it was a state to far away for me to reach. I also felt that practitioners should be compassionate like the Great Enlightened Beings, but I couldn't genuinely feel that greatness from my heart. After that night and the few days that followed, I truly felt the greatness of unselfishness, and I that had reached that level within those few days. I thought that this is a true meaning of life, and that life is to live for others. At that time, I strongly felt I wanted to treat others well from my heart. I felt that this is the true essence of a living being. I felt that it took me three years to learn the meaning of cultivation. On those three days, I felt that I was filled with compassion and happiness. And the sitting meditation didn't hurt at all. I felt like a new person. Of course, later I regressed into my old self, but that experience was truly unforgettable.
The above is my understanding, written to share with others. Please point out my mistakes.
Translated from:
http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2002/4/26/15680.html
