PureInsight | May 10, 2004
[PureInsight.org]
Chapter 3: Two Good Friends
It was raining in the evening as Xiu Mei took the bus to Jin's house. Jin, like Xiu Mei, lived away from most of the Chinese students. Xiu Mei was thankful for that; she was sure that she would not meet any of her more boisterous friends while going to Jin's place. Jun had already called five times since last night, but Xiu Mei didn't want to talk to her yet. She would eventually talk to Jun, but she had not yet decided what to tell her.
As she got off the bus and unfolded her umbrella, Xiu Mei looked a little different from the weak and sad girl she had been yesterday. Thin red lines still creased her eyes, but the dark circles were gone.
Since Xiu Mei had talked to her father earlier in the day, she had felt a little better. When she had left China, she hadn't been on good terms with him. She had screamed and even blamed him for her mother's death. Just before she had left for the U.S., she had sworn that she would not talk to him ever again. Indeed, she had not called him or talked to him until earlier in the morning, instead only sending him terse e-mail messages letting him know that she was still safe.
She remembered how sad her father had been when she had shouted at him, and how he looked as though his life had been taken away when she had told him that she would never talk to him again. He had not shouted back at her; in fact, he had not said anything. She was glad that she had called him earlier in the day – she smiled as she remembered how her father had been surprised at first to hear her voice and then tried to comfort her as she told him how she had broken down crying in the middle of the street. She knew that he felt a lot better and relieved when she finally finished talking to him. She knew that she felt better.
How foolish she had been to criticize him like that! She felt sad as she recalled how much she had made her father suffer … in addition to the suffering he was already undergoing. He had already been terribly shaken by Mother's death, and her outbursts had caused him to turn into a mere shadow of his former, robust self.
No, she realized, her father was the last person to be blamed for her mother's death. He had done all in his power to save her. It had been a far more vicious and evil factor that had taken her life.
Xiu Mei glanced up at the numbers of the apartments and realized that she was almost at Jin's door. Folding her umbrella, she opened Jin's door without a knock and walked in. Having been at Jin's house twice before, she knew that Jin would want her to walk in without knocking.
She walked in and shouted, "Jin, I'm here!" Without waiting to hear her response, Xiu Mei walked into Jin's study.
"Hi, Jin, how are …", Xiu's voice trailed off as she entered Jin's study and realized that Jin was not there – instead, there was a young Chinese man sitting on the chair.
Xiu had not met him before, but instantly she felt that she had known the young man for a long time. The young man was tall, handsome and neatly dressed. And he seemed to be almost as shy as she was.
The young man finally opened the conversation, "Hi, I'm Wang Kun. I'm Jin's classmate and I'm working on the project for Data Structures with her. I assume you must be Xiu? Jin told me you would be coming."
He bowed his head slightly in her direction, but made no attempt to offer his hand to shake hers. Too shy, Xiu thought to herself. She couldn't have been happier – she had had her fill of boisterous and out-going people. Jin and this young man both seemed to be shy and polite, and she was glad that she was doing the project with them.
Xiu replied, "Yes, hi. My name is Xiu Mei. I guess I'm the third member of the project team. Has Jin stepped out?"
As she sat down on the chair next to his, Xiu Mei couldn't help but survey him. He looked very young but mature at the same time. He had an athletic build, with a sharp face and nose and slightly Caucasian features. He was neatly dressed, but not in a flashy sort of way.
"Yes", Wang replied. After a few more minutes of tense quietness, Wang opened up and asked politely, "So what courses are you taking this semester, if I may ask? What is your field of study?"
Xiu replied, "Oh, actually this is my first semester. I'm doing a Ph.D. in Physics, but I need to take the data structures course for my research. My other two courses are in my department."
"Oh, that's good." Wang replied.
Xiu said, "So, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?"
"I'm a Ph.D. student too, in the Computer Science department. This is my third semester here." Wang replied, smiling shyly.
Xiu Mei didn't know why, but somehow she liked talking to the shy young man who sat in front of her and smiled as he talked. Normally, she would have stopped talking after exchanging a few basic civilities, but now she surprised herself by asking him more questions, "How long have you been in the U.S.?"
"Oh, I've actually been here for a while." Wang replied. "My dad and mom both moved here around six years ago, and I moved here with them. My dad was working with an American wireless communications firm in China, and he was transferred here to continue his work."
Both of them continued talking to each other, opening up more and more. Xiu learnt that Wang had started his undergraduate education in China but finished it in the US. She learnt that his father was a senior researcher at the wireless communication firm, and he had been chosen to work in the US because he spoke English well. Xiu was impressed by Wang's English too - "like father, like son", she thought to herself.
"So, what do your parents do, Xiu?" Wang asked.
As Xiu Mei wondered how she could reply to this question, Jin walked in. Smiling at Jin, Xiu Mei breathed a sigh of relief as they started to work on their project.
Chapter 4: Heartbreak
Two months passed by quickly. Xiu Mei had called up Jun, apologized for her breaking down on the street and told her a vague story about remembering a tragic incident from earlier in her life. She had also gotten busier and busier with course and research work, and it gave her an excuse to avoid contact with most of her Chinese friends.
But she was spending more and more time with Jin and Wang, and not just for the project. She really liked them – they were quiet, friendly and seemed to be the sort of people she could confide in. She was puzzled by how close they were – they were not brother and sister, yet they seemed to her to be closer than a brother and sister. Xiu Mei knew that Jin had a boyfriend in another state, and it didn't seem like Wang and Jin were having a relationship, so she felt puzzled. But they never told her very much about their private lives, and she didn't want to ask them either.
And she was beginning to like Wang. She was thinking more and more about him. Even though he was good looking, it was his character that Xiu liked - he treated both Jin and Xiu in a very chivalrous and gentlemanly manner, was always polite and refrained from speaking much. Xiu felt that his quiet manners hid a deeper strength that he did not show. After meeting him regularly for just two months, she felt like she had already known him for a lifetime.
So, the day she finished her final exam for the semester, she looked forward to meeting Wang and Jin at Jin's apartment to finish the project that was due the next day. This might be the last time they met for the project, but she hoped to keep in touch with them frequently.
When she went to Jin's apartment, both of Xiu's new found friends looked equally happy to see her. They didn't have much more work to do on the project, and so they finished the report quickly and then spent two hours talking light-heartedly while eating some delicious Chinese food that Jin had cooked.
Finally they had finished dinner and Xiu was ready to leave. For the first time in months, she felt genuinely happy, and that she had truly found two friends whom she could confide in. As she stood up to leave, she smiled happily at them. She knew her father would be happy to hear about her friends.
But as Wang and Jin got up, she saw them look at each other in an uncertain way. They seemed a little more serious than they had been over the last few months over which she had known them.
Jin started by asking her, "Xiu, you've known us for more than two months now. What do you think about us?" Her tone was solemn and serious, but not aggressive. Rather, there was a note of pleading in it.
Xiu was confused. Why had the atmosphere suddenly changed? "I'm sorry, Jin … I don't quite get you … I think you are very nice people." She paused for a while, and then continued, "Actually, I think you are wonderful people! I really like both of you. Of all the Chinese people I've met, you are the only two people I would truly call friends, and whom I would confide in if I had any trouble!"
For a minute, all of them relaxed and smiled at each other. Jin and Wang glanced at each other again, and Xiu could see some amount of relief in their eyes.
"But why are you asking me this?" Xiu continued.
"Well, ummm …" Jin tried to say something, but it was as if she was at a loss for words. After a pause, she continued, "Well, do you know that most of the Chinese students – actually, even the Chinese Student Association – won't have anything to do with us and avoid us at all costs? That they consider us counter-revolutionaries who are against China and the Chinese government?"
Xiu was shocked. "What do you mean? Why in the world would anyone want to avoid the two of you? I think you are the best and nicest people I have met on campus – why don't they want to have anything to do with you?"
Wang replied, "Xiu, before we tell you this, I just want to let you know that we consider you a wonderful friend. We wanted to talk about this before, but we didn't do so because we weren't sure whether you would want to keep in touch with us after what we told you."
Xiu was getting more and more perplexed. What in the world was going on? "So, can you please tell me what you're talking about?" she asked, her voice unsteady.
Jin replied quietly, "Both of us practice Falun Gong. And so do our families."
So that was it, Xiu thought. This time, for some reason, the memories didn't hit her as hard as they always had. Somehow, she had known that it was coming – and that she would have to face it sooner or later.
Still, she couldn't help crying. Tears started to flow from her eyes, and she felt faint. She clutched the chair that was closest to her, sat down and started to cry.
Jin was the first to reach her. "Xiu, what's wrong? Oh, I'm really sorry if we upset you." She looked up at Wang for help.
Wang said quietly as he moved closer towards both of them, "I know it's a sensitive topic, Xiu, so if you don't want to talk about it, we understand. I'm sorry if our mentioning Falun Gong upset you. If you don't want us to mention it again, please let us know."
Something in the words they said shook Xiu. She shook her head. She tried to stop herself from crying, and composed herself with an effort. She said, "No, it's not you. Please don't blame yourselves."
As she looked at their faces, she saw guilt in their eyes. Great, she thought to herself, now they blame themselves for getting me upset, even though it is not their fault.
She was all too familiar with their expressions – she had seen it on her father's face when she had screamed at him after her mother's death.
Xiu Mei wiped away her tears and faced them. She looked at their sad faces and wondered how much misunderstanding and hatred they had been subject to when they told Chinese people that they practiced Falun Gong.
Jin touched her shoulders and said quietly, "Xiu, we're sorry once again. All we want is to tell you the truth about Falun Gong. But, if you don't want to hear about it, please let us know."
Xiu's mind was torn. One part of her was screaming and telling her to walk out of the door and out of their lives. But another held her back.
Xiu got up, walked to the closest window and looked at the darkness of the night outside. No one spoke for a few minutes.
When Xiu Mei turned back to look at them, she felt more unsure than ever. She couldn't run away from the truth forever – for all her denial, she knew what the truth was. She had, for a long time, wanted to talk to her father about it; to let him know that she understood the truth and didn't blame him for anything – but she hadn't done so.
Looking at the hopeful faces of the only two people she could now call true friends, she knew that if she avoided it again, she would not be able to face herself or her conscience again.
But, she was too weak, she thought in dismay. She couldn't face up to the truth – it was so difficult! It went against all that she had been taught to believe in; it went against all that her mind had been conditioned to believe ever since she was a child!
Without a word, Xiu Mei walked up to the door slowly. She hoped that either Jin or Wang would stop her, call her back and talk to her. But they didn't – they must have experienced too much antagonism, she thought to herself.
She walked out of the front door, taking the path back to her house. She glanced back at Jin's apartment, hoping that someone would come out of the door she had just closed, talk to her and comfort her … but no one did.
As Xiu walked back home, she started to cry again.
To be continued…
