PureInsight | April 26, 2004
[PureInsight.org] Thank you everyone, for giving me this opportunity to share my experience.
I am a practitioner from Mexico City and I have also practiced Falun Dafa in the New York area for a few years.
Two years ago, a fellow practitioner asked me to go to Mexico to help spread the Fa.
I gladly agreed to it. When I came to Mexico for the first time I felt I was in a different world. It was nothing like the United States, Europe or Asia. People are so much more relaxed, and the weather is much nicer than anywhere I had ever been. But most of all, people seem to be very open to Dafa. We spent two weeks in Mexico giving seminars and teaching the practice. When I returned to the U.S. I felt I had left a big part of me in Mexico, and my heart felt pretty sad. However I tried my best to calm down to settle myself again in the U.S. by doing things practitioners should do. Nonetheless, the feeling of emptiness and lack of motivation really worried me a lot. After much struggle to overcome this I found the solution by going back to Mexico to live.
I discussed this with my husband who is also a practitioner, and he gladly accepted my suggestion. Without planning anything or expecting anything, we put some important things into our small van and drove down to Mexico in February 2002, as if we were leaving for a week's vacation. It was that simple and that easy of a decision for us, something very natural.
The weather was sunny and nice and everything was harmonious, and I had no indication of what was about to unfold.
That was the beginning of my real cultivation with tribulations that were horrendous, and the suffering I went through was immense. It isn't easy to put it into words. Just like many Koreans, I was raised in comfort and life happened according to what I wanted, with no one telling me what to do. I often heard people around me say I was a spoiled child. So I pushed my way through life with everything my way until I moved to Mexico. My parents, my teachers, and my husband and others were not able to change my attitude. But my story changed under the guidance of our Master. He was in charge and I was in good hands thereafter.
The biggest problem which generated all the small and major problems was conflicts with fellow practitioners who went to Mexico with me. We found out that we were different from ground zero all the way up to the top. We were like fire and water. We were fighting like cats and dogs. Of course the fight took place under different disguises - arguments, silence, hatred and disputes, animosity and hurt. After one year we finally decided to live apart.
For a year we did not talk and were out of touch. During that time, local practitioners were confused and many left the practice. It was shameful, but we could not do much about it to rectify ourselves and behave like real practitioners. We just had too many differences and it was really hard to bridge all those gaps without jumping ten feet higher up in our xinxing. So inevitably we had to set up two practice sites.
During the year of our separation, you can imagine all the intrigue, tension, struggle and lack of cooperation, all of which produced so much inefficiency and loss in our Dafa work.
After many months of struggling, I finally asked for help from U.S. practitioners. But all the external help seemed to make little change.
I thought about coming back to the U.S. many times. In addition, demonic interference was another factor that took advantage of our gaps and thus created additional loss and suffering. I simply could not overcome the problem with my level of xinxing, plus ferocious demonic interference was coming in like waves. It was there all the time, like a thick cloud covering over the sky, layer after layer. It prevented us from seeing things with righteous thoughts. As a result, I kept stumbling and falling without end. This made the loss and suffering even bigger and damaging. It felt like the mountain was too high for me to climb.
When my mom, who is also a practitioner, came to Mexico, she basically said to me, "until you get rid of your ego and become totally humble, this problem won't be solved."
My mom seemed to be right, but I really did not know what to do. It felt like I was in Mexico to suffer and pay back my karma as I have never suffered so much in my life. I really did not see the point. I thought I was in Mexico to spread the Fa and to do Fa-rectification work. But it seemed that I was here in Mexico only to struggle and suffer.
During that time, I often had dreams in which I found my hair all turning grey. My life force was being tapped by the stress, by the anxiety and by the fear. I was left with only one breath. I did not have energy to wake up and move. I often cried out in despair.
While living this nightmare, I often searched inside and asked myself, "Is my karma this big? Is my xinxing this low? Am I still a practitioner? Should I stop the cultivation?" I was confused. It was like walking through the wilderness with eyes blindfolded. I bumped into everything and fell all the way through and it hurt so much.
Besides the tribulation with this fellow practitioner, my family life was on the verge of breaking apart as well. It was indeed like a person in Zhuan Falun who got fired from his job, his parent fell sick, his child beat up another kid and his spouse was having an affair. I felt our situation was as intense as that, only the forms were different.
About six months ago, something began to happen, something new, something positive and something right. I can only say that it was like pieces of a puzzle finally beginning to move on its own, and finding its spots and forming the right image. I began to see things from the Fa. Finally my righteous thoughts began to emerge, which was, at the same time, shattering the darkness. I did not even have to try to use righteous thoughts with intention. It would spring up from my heart naturally. My heart seemed to be clean.
I understood, no matter how right I think I am on the surface level, the deep cause of all in harmony lies in my xinxing. Master said:
What is xinxing? It includes de (a type of matter), tolerance, enlightenment quality, sacrifice, giving up ordinary people's different desires and attachments, being able to suffer hardships, and so on.
(From "Why Doesn't Your Gong Increase with Your Practice?" in Lecture One of Zhaun Falun) Based on this, I understood that I was cultivating various aspects of my xinxing. That large field of karmic substance had to be eliminated through arduous trials.
The fact that I could not overcome this tribulation quickly and conduct myself like a genuine cultivator also stemmed from interference from my own karma. This karma also generated wrong notions, unrighteous thinking and attachments. All of these came to me as big karmic obstacles. I suffered and I suffered from my own xinxing cultivation. Whom can I blame for all of this? My fellow practitioner was just there and being who she was. She was not doing anything to me. Rather she was also cultivating with her own karma, notions and attachments that she could not give up. After all I was fighting with the inner demon all along, which was my karma. But I could not see the truth.
Master talks about how deluded and unenlightened human beings are with these two physical eyes!! It seems that it is hard for many to see beyond what we can see with these two eyes.
Once I became enlightened to this, I decided to start a new relationship with this practitioner with a brand new attitude. I began to conduct myself in a more civilized manner, being friendlier, kinder and more understanding.
As soon as I did that, good things began popping up everywhere. Practitioners who left the group began to return. They asked for help and support and they opened their hearts.
We talked about our individual cultivation issues and important things related to the overall harmony and development of Dafa in Mexico. Very often complaints about fellow practitioners came up. My understanding is that everything is related to our xinxing cultivation. This seems to be the bottom line of all the conflicts. Based on this, we should be focusing on our own defects and lack of xinxing. At the same time, we should stop gossiping about others. Instead we should talk to the person directly with in an open and dignified manner. This way we can eliminate interference, possible complications, and misunderstandings so that we can move up together. I conducted myself that way first with this practitioner.
Through this type of sharing, we developed trust and friendship. But at the same time, I noticed that every time I did not handle conflicts correctly and act righteously, I would feel uneasy in my heart. This helped me to rectify my attitude right away.
My tolerance has improved considerably. After having seen how I stumbled and fell all the way, I have come to understand fellow practitioners' shortcomings with tolerance and kindness. When I see their defects, poor understanding of the Fa, or poor xinxing performance, I remind myself of my own journey. This gives me much more room to be tolerant and compassionate with fellow practitioners. I am more laid back now. I have become genuinely interested in their obstacles and difficulties in their personal and cultivation life. I try to help them with anything so we can stay close on the path of cultivation without detouring. My heart has broadened. As a result I am more aligned with Truth, Compasion and Forbearance. This change has attracted many practitioners to me. The change indeed has come to me as a big surprise, which I did not expect.
My energy level has risen so much and I can go all day without feeling tired. My heart is calmer, and I have more peace and joy. Everything has changed. Dafa work and the cultivation environment has become rectified. My apartment is always brimming with practitioners. I am no longer some practitioner from the U.S. to the local practitioners. I am part of their life, I am their friend, and I am their family. At the same time, Master put everything into their proper places for my family as well. There is harmony and prosperity in every respect in our family now. It seems that all of our endeavors are bearing good fruit.
This sincere relationship with fellow practitioners is also helping Fa rectification work as well. So much cooperation, help and volunteering for Dafa work has been offered by fellow practitioners. Even the personal cultivation of fellow practitioners is being enhanced.
It seems like when one person changes everything around that person changes. It was indeed manifested like that before my eyes. Master talks about pacifying the external by cultivating the internal in Essentials for Further Advancement.
Since we spent almost two years in personal cultivation we were very behind in clarifying the truth and the lack of Fa study was a big problem. As a result local practitioners' understanding of the Fa was not high, but they have the heart to do what is right.
Since February of this year, we have been working hard. And the results are amazing. Something I was not able to imagine in the past. Practitioners are increasing rapidly.
Up until a few months ago, it seemed that there were many practitioners in the park, but they seem to be only doing the exercises for healing and fitness or just doing individual cultivation. It was a sad and frustrating situation back then. The cause of this was the lack of Fa study. But when we told them to study the Fa, they said that Mexicans do not like to read. They said that Mexicans do not like discipline so it is hard for Mexican practitioners to become like practitioners in other countries. .
But this was not true. It was a product of bad notions, interference and lack of right direction.
Now, we have Fa study almost every day. Sometime we read until 12:00 midnight. Some even come to read around 10:00 PM after work. Their understandings of the Fa often surprise me. It seems that their heart understands the Fa. Once their heart understands and accepts the Fa, the changes seem to come rapidly and profoundly. One month ago, we began to join the On Line Fa Study with Latin practitioners on the weekend. This form of studying the Fa has motivated many practitioners to read. Getting to know fellow practitioners in other countries and having the sharing seems to have very positive effects on them. We have never had more than two hours' study in Mexico before, but this On Line Reading with Latin practitioners is setting a new tone about the idea that we can actually read long hours without feeling bored or tired. On Sundays we read five hours with Latin practitioners and about 6 to 9 practitioners normally join for this "long hour" of reading.
In the past, all practice sites were in the park, and there were strong notions and fear about being in a crowded public place to talk about the persecution. But recently we set up new practice sites by the main avenue in front of a famous performance center and in a big park by a busy road, where large numbers of people are passing through without end. We hung up a big banner that says, "SOS ! Urgent, help stop the persecution of Falun Gong practitioners in China." We displayed sign boards to introduce the practice along with torture and death posters to inform them about the cruel persecution. Many from the cars and people on the street read the banners and picture display. People stopped by to read the information, to sign the petition, to learn the practice, and to offer support.
This way we clarify the truth while maintaining the practice sites. Two of the most dedicated practitioners are encountered at these locations. Because of their clarifying the truth it has become a very natural part of Falun Dafa cultivation for them.
Since many practitioners are participating in clarifying the truth, 10,000 flyers go out in a couple of weeks. When new practitioners come, we give them a bunch of flyers, asking them to share with their family and friends. Even ordinary people ask for more flyers saying that they will hand them out on the bus on the way home!!
All these amazing changes came about, because, in part, we are conducting our xinxing better.
