PureInsight | January 6, 2003
[PureInsight.org] My cultivation journey began March of 2000. I had no idea at the time what I was undertaking. I couldn't believe how many insights and truths I read in Zhuan Falun when I first started practicing. I have to admit I did not believe everything I read. Some of it seemed so far out and was hard to comprehend. But other things I read I knew were truth. I also had a little problem with the dogma, but I just kept keeping on. Each time I read it I understood a little more. I just knew deep down I had to trust and that gradually my understandings would keep upgrading, which they did. I never knew each day if I was going to keep practicing or not.
It was like being led down an unfamiliar path with the only connection being my heart. Nothing was familiar and it was totally blind faith that led me. I knew I had to stay open-minded. It would have been so easy to quit and go back to my old ways of never really cultivating one way, but floundering and always searching.
All of my close friends were excited about Falun Dafa when it was first taught to us, including my husband. We all thought the energy felt great when we did the exercises together, and we were all pretty faithful doing them for about 6 weeks. Then little by little, as time went by, they all fell by the wayside. I think the reason most people didn't continue was because they realized how many old patterns and habits they had to change to become true practitioners. Also the discipline it took. I know it wasn't easy for me, especially giving up drinking fine wines with my friends and giving up my attachment to physical exercise. I had always planned on forever exercising for the rest of my life. I liked keeping my figure and the feeling I got from exercising.
Another reason it was so hard was the time commitment. It wasn't easy to juggle everyday life and do the exercises, reading, studying, etc., etc. every day. When my husband saw how dedicated I had become, he got very hostile and angry and even accused Falun Dafa of being [...]. I really had to look within to see why I caused this. After many tribulations with my husband, I have become so much stronger in who I am as a Dafa practitioner. We went to counseling and it helped me to understand my husband's side more and in turn I have been more compassionate and tolerant towards him and his needs. He in turn has let go of his anger towards Dafa and has been able to understand better my deep commitment and is much more tolerant of my beliefs. It would have been easy to blame him, but it is not one-sided, we both had things we needed to work on, and still are. Even though my husband doesn't practice Dafa, I feel because of my practice it is helping him to grow by leaps and bounds. I know he realizes now how good Dafa is because of my actions. When he was so angry towards Dafa I would worry about his future. I don't have to worry about that any more. My understanding used to be that the more Dafa work you do, the better. What this doesn't mean is that you neglect your family life or your job. Of equal importance is our behavior in family situations. If we walk our path well others will see our compassion and kindness and through these actions will show our goodness as Dafa disciples.
I can remember after a few months of practicing it was suggested I get involved in spreading the Fa and get involved in parades, etc. I thought at the time that no way was I getting involved with that aspect of Dafa and getting out in public. It took me another few months to understand this part of Dafa and to really feel I wanted to be a part of that aspect.
Another tribulation I encountered was sitting in full lotus. I could always sit in half lotus but I have very stiff legs. I wasn't sure if I would ever get into full lotus, but I would read what Master said that everyone would eventually reach full lotus. Bearing much pain and determination, I never gave up and just inched my way, little by little, always striving a little more and remembering Master's words – "When it is difficult to endure, try to endure it. When it looks impossible, give it a try and see if it is possible." (From Zhuan Falun). After 2 ½ years I reached my goal of full lotus.
I have experienced so much growth this year. Since my trip to Houston I have really felt the one body of Dafa practitioners. We are getting stronger in our one body with our great compassion and selflessness. I especially feel the one body when sending forth righteous thoughts. No human words can express the greatness of this feeling. It was very powerful in Houston also. I believe we did well as one body in Houston.
One thing I have noticed is that I don't have ups and downs so much anymore. I'm more on an even keel. I don't try to fight life anymore but just let things happen. I'll say though that I am the lightest when I'm out spreading the Fa. I also don't have expectations like I used to. I just do what my heart draws me to do without expecting any results. It makes life so much smoother.
Another aspect of the greatness of Dafa is my clarity of mind. From reading, studying and sharing I know what is right and wrong and I know what has to be done to upgrade my xinxing and become a better person. I don't have to guess. I also have a lot more compassion for everyday people because of my understandings.
From Clearwisdom and Pureinsight I have gained so much from reading the experiences of other practitioners, especially the Chinese. I am very grateful to them and have great respect for their courage. They made me realize how small my tribulations are compared to theirs.
Because of Master my whole view of the world has changed. I cannot comprehend all of what he has given me but I keep working on upgrading my understandings.
