PureInsight | October 7, 2002
In recent days, I found that I have had strong personal intentions while doing both Fa- rectification work and my own personal cultivation. This resulted in feelings of being very pleased with myself when I started to see some good results in my efforts, but also feelings of being repulsed by my self satisfaction. Because of it, I would wonder why I should keep on cultivating. So, I went to the other extreme. I could not lift up my spirit up nor could I willingly practice the exercises because of the fear of physical pain. All I wanted to do was to sleep. I dropped the Fa-rectification work and I couldn't concentrate on Fa study. After a while, I came to the understanding that I was experiencing demonic interference, but I was too lost to pull myself out of this state. Worst of all, I couldn't figure out how to overcome this situation.
Not until that I read the allegory of "Selflessness" and the article by Master called "Degeneration," that is in the Essentials for Further Advancement, did I realize my duties as a Dafa disciple. I would like to share how I came to my conclusion and thus was able to pull myself out of the despairing state I was experiencing.
Master states, "The clergy's misconduct completely violates the vows of purity they have taken, makes God's entrustment not worth even a penny, and astonishes both mankind and gods. Kindhearted people have been regarding them as the only people whom they can rely on for salvation. Disappointment has made people increasingly disbelieve in religion, and in the end people have completely lost their faith in God, thereby committing all kinds of bad deeds without any reservation. This has evolved to the extent that people today have completely turned into depraved people who manifest demonic furor, and this has made all gods completely lose their confidence in man. This is one of the main reasons why gods no longer look after human beings (From: Essentials for Further Advancement).
I always thought that these words were targeted to others people, namely the clergy. As a matter of fact, these words are meant for people just like me. Right now many of us are acting as the kindhearted people as Master describes. What a terrible loss I bring to others if I fail in my own Dafa disciple's duties or when I don't do my duties well. This really isn't just a problem of being stuck in the heart. There isn't any excuse for me not to step forward, or for feeling self-satisfied, or even being too pleased with myself. For what reasons do I need to complain?
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2002/8/24/18249.html
