PureInsight | July 12, 2013
[PureInsight.org] Recently, a terrible situation occurred when I was at group Fa study. When a practitioner read a passage of the Fa incorrectly and someone else pointed it out, the practitioner then read it incorrectly again. Everyone laughed, including me, and from then on whenever that practitioner was reading and made a mistake, I would laugh uncontrollably. When it was my turn to read I also couldn’t help laughing; I tried my hardest to control myself, but I still could not speak smoothly. I couldn’t continue reading and felt very worried.
I realized that this was external interference, and fellow practitioners also regarded it as such. Every time when my turn to read Fa came, I sent forth righteous thoughts silently in advance, eliminating all evil beings and factors in other dimensions that were interfering with my Fa study. When I was in a better state of mind I could read a whole chapter of Fa, but other times I just could not persevere when the interference surfaced. My wife, also a practitioner, unreservedly told me what attachments of mine she could see. She pointed out that I have the mentality of showing off by thinking I read better than others as well as a fear of being laughed at if I did not read well. I would also pinch my neck to make believe I was “coughing” when I wanted to laugh. In fact, what my wife said was basically right; she wanted me to see these attachments myself, but every time she pointed them out, I would make ambiguous statements to conceal them in order to save face.
Yesterday I did not fall into this state when studying the Fa. After Fa study, the fellow practitioner who often made mistakes when reading took the initiative to look within, realizing that when he did not make any mistakes, my state also would not appear. I felt very ashamed and uneasy in my heart; actually it had nothing to do with the other practitioner’s mistakes, the manifestation of this state was totally caused by my attachments.
Before starting cultivation, I had a strong attachment to seeking fame and saving face amongst ordinary people. In everything I did I wanted to do my best in order to leave no chance for other people to pick at or find any mistakes with my work. I didn’t change in this respect after starting cultivation and still thought a lot about fame and striving hard to not make any mistakes when studying the Fa. When other practitioners praised me for being a good reader, I felt very proud in my heart, although I appeared humble on the surface. On top of that, in addition to the attachments exposed by my wife, I found another very bad attachment: when other practitioners made mistakes when reading the Fa, instead of pointing them out benevolently and helping the practitioners to make corrections, I would laugh at their mistakes. The filthy mentality of placing oneself above others and deprecating them was lurking under the laugh; it was very disrespectful. Also, laughing in the sacred and solemn setting of Fa study was very disrespectful to Master and the Fa; it was perhaps the worst and lowest of all phenomenon that should appear during Fa study. Not only could I not study the Fa well, but I was also interfering with other practitioners’ Fa study impacting the environment of the entire group. The most distressing thing was that this had achieved what the evil intended. My wrong human thoughts and attachments were exploited by the evil to form a factor that could interfere with and undermine our group Fa study.
Today I expose these filthy attachments and my human heart so as to get rid of them, eliminate those factors that can be exploited by the evil, and put an end to this bad state so as to integrate into group Fa study in a good state—one a Dafa disciple should have when studying the Fa. Here I voice my sincere apologies to those practitioners with whom I interfered with during Fa study.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/118016
