PureInsight | September 23, 2002
I obtained the Fa in 1997. Before then, I was afflicted with numerous illnesses and doctors failed to cure me. When my illnesses came to torture me, it was excruciating but there was nothing I could do. I thought I had some form of cancer, but doctors said it didn't appear to be. It was an undetectable disease. The pain from my illness, in addition to troubles in my life, sapped my courage and will to face life. The only thing I wanted was death. I tried to commit suicide several times, all attempts of which failed. I felt desperate and hopeless, that life was worse than death.
Right before my first child was born, I again put my neck in a rope, but the violent kicking of the baby reminded me, "I can't die." A powerful, invisible force made me come back from the dead. I cried and asked the heavens why, if I was not allowed to die, was I tortured so? At that time, I entered another dimension. A group of beautiful girls in white dresses surrounded me and called me their master. When I cried and told them about my miseries, an older woman in a white dress, with a serious expression, said to me "You must endure." Then she left. I didn't know why. However, the birth of my child became my only spiritual support. I planned to become a nun when my child was six or seven years old (back then I had already became aware of the concept of cultivation).
Once when I had trouble at home I ran into a temple with my two-year-old child and asked to do work in exchange for food. An old monk smiled and said, "You can live with those lay Buddhists for two nights, but you have to go back. No one dares to take you as their disciple. Don't worry, no one can kill you." What did that mean? Why was there no place for me to stay in the whole wide world? Why did I have to return to my home? There and then, I decided to die in a beautiful place when my child became older. This thought lasted until I obtained the Fa in 1997.
One day in 1997, I met a person who lent me Zhuan Falun Volume II. I swore to practice Falun Gong. As I had this thought, Master's fashen appeared before me and said, "Cultivation is very serious. You have to undergo a lot of pains." I said, "No matter how serious or how difficult cultivation is, I will practice Falun Gong." So I began to cultivate. Through Fa study, I understood the truth about human life, and that my miserable life was the result of the sinful karma I created before. I also felt lucky that I hadn't succeeded in the suicide attempts, because it was mentioned in Zhuan Falun that suicide is a sin. From then on, my body gradually recovered and my relationship with my husband also improved.
When I first opened Zhuan Falun, Master's words shone with different colored lights and luminous circles of different sizes appeared. When I read the book, it gave off light everywhere and there was also sound. Later, I saw blossoming pink lotus flowers, and I also saw the white qi mechanism in the shape of a belt. Once when I was doing the sitting meditation, I saw a man in black clothes approaching me with a sword, trying to kill me, but before he could come near, a man in gray-white clothes went up and stopped him with a sword. I saw many things other people could not see; yet, I didn't pass many tests well. Still, Master gave me opportunities and cleaned my body for me.
On July 20, 1999, Jiang's government began to disparage Dafa and create lies in the news media. I invalidated all lies with my first-hand experience. From then on, I decided to give up everything to appeal for Dafa and Master. However, many of my attempts to go to Beijing failed. Sometimes I thought, am I not worthy enough to go to Beijing? Am I not worthy enough to be a Dafa practitioner? Soon after, I had a dream in which someone said to me, "I am returning your ticket on such and such train." Later, I really went to Beijing on that train. I was arrested in Beijing. The brutal police put me in the same cell as a bunch of male prisoners. I thought Dafa practitioners should have respect for themselves and I would not allow what happened in Masanjia Labor Camp (<>iwhere female practitioners were stripped naked and thrown into male prison cells) to happen to me. A powerful thought, "They don't dare!" was put into my mind. After many twists and turns, the evil thugs could not approach me; they could not even touch my clothes. Eventually, with Master's protection, I left that demons' den with powerful righteous thoughts.
Master is infinitely benevolent. When I returned home, I enlightened to Fa principles in an unrighteous way and made a vague promise to the evil. Later I realized this was a mistake and that I had left a stain on my cultivation path. Because I had this stain, I felt much anguish and thought I was completely finished. Amidst pains and sorrows, my xinxing suddenly fell below that of a non-practitioner. From my heart, I called out to the heavens, "Master, I misunderstood. I truly want to be your disciple. Can I still cultivate?" In order not to destroy me, benevolent Master allowed me to feel the rapid spinning of falun within. My confidence doubled and eventually I stood up and answered in an open and straightforward manner, "I'm practicing!"
No matter what government official of however high a level comes, I always tell them, "Falun Dafa is good." They eventually agree and say regrettably, "We are relying on this job for our livelihood. We don't want to do this either, but yet a new order from the Central government has been passed down…" The truth is, no media stories can deceive the people and government officials who have learned about the truth. They even told me that they had read many Dafa books. I was very happy for them.
Above is my own Fa-obtaining and cultivation experience. Please be kind enough to point out anything inappropriate.
Translated from
http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2002/8/17/18159.html
