PureInsight | July 8, 2015
[PureInsight.org] I have been bothered by the fact that my attachment to lust has not been given up yet. As I dig deeper, I find more fundamental problems in my cultivation. That is, my main consciousness is not strong. Many attachments are related to the weakness of my main consciousness. It is not simply an issue of lust.
In fact, at the beginning of my cultivation in 1999, I had already vaguely realized the issue of my main consciousness being weak, even though it was just a vague realization.
A fellow practitioner from the exercise site whose age is similar to mine has sometimes shared that whenever she had bad thoughts, she would eliminate them immediately. At that time, I thought she was great. How come I never knew to eliminate bad thoughts? I would follow the bad thoughts and let them lead my mind. I never thought about eliminating them.
When I studied “Your Main Consciousness Should Predominate” in Zhuan Falun, Master said, “Most people, however, can remove and resist it with very strong thoughts from themselves (a strong Main Consciousness).” I always thought that I could not do it. It seemed very difficult to me.
I did not expect that I would never pass this test. I barely eliminated any bad thoughts. That is equivalent to not actually cultivating all these years. I have missed a most important step in cultivation.
As a result, in the following years, I have felt that I was very far from cultivation. I could barely pass tests. I would become angry and start fighting with others when anything unpleasant happened. My jealousy and grievance grew very strong. I also lacked determination so much that I could not even tolerate a little bit of pain when sitting in the lotus position. I was very disappointed. Why am I so far away from the Fa?
After a long time had passed, many of my attachments had become weaker as I have gone through many tribulations. I have also realized the harm of certain attachments bring. For example, hatred is like a sword with two edges and it hurts oneself more than others. So gradually, some attachments disappeared.
One of the attachments included lust. I used to be a person with strong lusty feelings. But through the years of my cultivation, I gradually severed from any desire between couples. I could not even remember how I felt about those things. I thought I was doing pretty well.
However, because I did not meet the standard of cultivating the heart, the test of lust came back to me. In the phrase, “cultivate the heart and sever the desire”, “cultivate the heart” comes before “sever the desire.” I have only done the latter but not the former. In recent years, I have twice been seriously interfered by lust. Improper feelings have appeared. Although nothing verbal or physical took place, I was still seriously interfered by thought karma and I would succumb to my imagination.
During Fa study recently, I was able to see more clearly that my weak main consciousness is a serious barrier in my cultivation. Many attachments come from this. Because my main consciousness is not strong, I would be moved by attachments and thought karma. I became a nurturing bed for them. Meanwhile, I also did not want to endure the pain of rejecting thought karma. My weak main consciousness resulted in my pursuit for short-lived comfort, both physical and mental. When one is drawn into lustful imagination, isn’t it the same as consuming drugs? Aren’t both of them aiming for pleasure in the moment?
Weakness of the main consciousness is connected to pursuit of comfort and avoiding pain. This is probably a shortcoming of my fundamental being, deviated elements related to my fundamental attachments. If I hadn’t dug this deep and instead eliminated attachments one by one, problems would be resolved before another appeared.
I wrote this sharing in order to expose these deviated elements. At the same time, it can also serve as a reference for fellow practitioners who are facing similar situations.
If there is anything improper, please kindly point it out.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/144203
