Ensuring the Quality of Righteous Thoughts

[PureInsight.org] When I first began to send forth righteous thoughts in Ottawa in 2001, I said, "All my particles go illuminate the evil that persecutes Dafa." I felt myself shatter into countless small particles rushing out at very high speeds. It was very powerful and I could sense the importance of this event. However, I only saw it as an opportunity for myself to fulfill a divine role at that time.

When I returned to my hotel that night, I went into my room to change out of my suit and it was the first time I was alone that day. Right away, I felt my heart swell and my chest became very warm. I was deeply touched. I felt that the purpose of my very existence was now fully realized. Everything I had ever done was to prepare me for this - sending forth righteous thoughts. I had to sit down, as this was a little overwhelming at that time. I stopped the upsurge of emotion and remained calm and quiet. My mind became very serious and clear.

In the beginning, I would send forth righteous thoughts for long periods of time. In the past, I had been trained in doing things single-mindedly. This has helped my Fa study and allowed me to really focus when sending forth righteous thoughts. The effect was always quite strong for me, so strong that my entire body would shake quite violently. It was unintentional so I did not know what to do. The calmer my mind became when I sent out righteous thoughts, the more violently my body shook. I tried not to be attached to it and if it happened, I would just keep my mind calm and if it did not stop, then I just let it happen naturally. This was not always easy.

Initially, I thought that the shaking was a result of the evil being eliminated because pain or strong rushing sensations of gong surging out into the universe often accompanied it. Yet I never treated it as interference because I always continued to send righteous thoughts regardless of what may take place on the surface of my body. It was only after Master's article "Sending Forth Righteous Thoughts" that I saw the importance of keeping a calm and serene appearance when sending forth righteous thoughts. I realized that this was also a form of interference.

At first, I thought that Master was concerned about how onlookers would view us but after I put a great deal of emphasis on controlling my surface body (from shaking) I began to see why this was so important. Having more control over my body allowed me to have greater command of my righteous thoughts. The effect of righteous thoughts began to double then triple in power. I sent them with less emotion and clearer intention. When interference came in my mind, I was able to eliminate them a lot faster, if not instantly.

Being so calm, I could sense all of my life beings taking part with me or interfering with me. The ones taking part were told to use every element that comprised their beings and to spare nothing in eliminating the evil. The ones interfering were being influenced by demons. They were encouraged to join my righteous beings and they did. Master said that all things are alive. So my individual thoughts and intentions are alive as well and I treated them as living beings, and with benevolence, I encouraged them not to distract me but to join me in eliminating evil. On my command of "Mie" all my beings and I would devote all the elements that comprised our beings to eliminate any and all elements in all dimensions that persecuted Dafa. It was very powerful. I felt my entire being transform into higher energy matter numerous times in only one sitting of 10 minutes of sending righteous thoughts.

I was very happy for my beings to have this chance and I encouraged them to spare nothing each time and to make the most of it for themselves. They really touched my heart. After guiding one of my distracted beings back, I told all my beings to prepare again for my command. But to my surprise, they were prepared and only waiting for me.

This was a hint to me that the universe was waiting for us, the Fa-Rectification Dafa Disciples to finish this.

Now the interference with my righteous thoughts has recently become greater as my body has been forced to excrete waste. When this goes beyond my control, I would call for help from Master and the forcible control of my bowels would disappear.

I have always felt that the quality of righteous thoughts was of utmost importance. I keep in mind Master's explanation of how a monk chants the scriptures wholeheartedly with full concentration during the kaiguang ceremony. I used this principle to empower my own righteous thoughts. However, my understanding of this principle improved after I had a discussion with a fellow practitioner before going to Houston. He believed that we must focus on cultivating ourselves in order to strengthen our righteous thoughts and to be responsible to the Fa. He said that if we are rushing here and there and don't fundamentally change ourselves, then these are the "selves" that we will bring to Houston. Although he said this to me, I did not think that it applied to me, as I felt quite diligent in my cultivation. But soon I would learn that this was not the case.

One day my cultivation was not going well. The light of the dash-board of my car went out. There was nothing wrong with my car so I knew that I had to enlighten to something. Once I enlightened to my problem, the light came back on. Each time I experienced a problem in my cultivation, the light of my dash-board would go out. But once I solved the issue with righteous thoughts, the light would turn back on. This incident would occur if my mind would start to slip into old notions or strong human mentality.

Each time this happened it became more difficult to find and solve my problem. Yet it became easier and easier for the light to turn off. In other words, it was easier and easier for my mind to slip and fall. Or the degree of deviation that would trigger my lights to go out would become smaller and smaller. Then one day I lost control of my mind for a split second.

I was in a gas station paying for a tank of gas. On my way out, I glanced at a magazine with an image of a woman wearing very little clothing and the deviated beings in my being became dominant and began to admire this image. My mind was deceived into believing that I also admired such deviated things. This lasted for a brief second, yet it left a gap in my mind and the demons wasted no time. A second later, I left the store at the gas station. I had to walk through a glass door and because it was night outside I could see my reflection. At that moment, other deviated beings filled with vanity inside my being began to admire me and deceive me into admiring myself. Of course, I did not see this clearly at the time. It was only after I got into my car and the dash-board lights failed to work that I began to search within on why the lights did not turn on.

After seeing the problem, I began to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the demons that made use of my omission. I eliminated the deviated matter within me that fostered such corrupt sentiment and thought and I made it clear that such things were not my own self while I focused on the three words of Zhen-Shan-Ren, as this was what I wanted my heart to become.

After I settled my mind, I was at peace and I was clear about what had just happened. Yet the lights on my dash-board were still not working. So I began to search inside even more. I was troubled by this entire phenomenon of these lights going on and off. This always discouraged me, as it was evidence that I was not solid in my cultivation. This phenomenon should not even be happening, as I should be firmly rooted in Dafa, and unshakable and solid like diamond.

When I first obtained Dafa, it was truly wonderful. I did not experience shock nor did my life drastically change on the surface. I had already devoted my life to cultivation. The only difference is that I practiced very limited things that were not those of true cultivation. However, once I began to cultivate Dafa I was very diligent and I would not settle for anything else except perfection in the completion of my cultivation. My diligence drove me to uproot attachments. I found that the real problem was the notions that formed my attachments, and furthermore, I realized that it was my deviated mentalities that formed all my notions that formed my attachments. I understood the importance of cultivating the human mind and heart when I realized that looking within is essential. All my deviated behaviors and thoughts signified a fundamental deviation from my true being, and it was very hard to see all of this, to bare it and accept. Yet I would not allow anything to stand in my way of assimilating to Zhen-Shan-Ren. That was my promise, to myself and to Master.

Then I realized other aspects of cultivation in Dafa, such as not digging into every single bad thought. Then I began to see that my diligence itself was becoming an attachment. With so many things to do in Fa-Rectification, I also let my Fa- study slip on many occasions. On more than one occasion, I stumbled in my cultivation to terrible places and climbing out was terribly hard to do and terribly hard to bear knowing all the beings that I had damaged in the process. During this process, it seemed as if I forgot that vow for 100% complete perfection. Once I saw this, I was initially frightened but quickly realized that such emotions were just the evils' last attempt and I vowed to reach 100% complete perfection in my cultivation. Then the light in my car dashboard light came back on.

I would like to stop and say this. Some of what I have damaged due to my poor cultivation and failed tests may not be savable or have already been destroyed but whatever is perfectible I now vow to completely perfect.

Although my righteous thoughts became stronger, I encountered difficult situations the day after that enlightenment. And I noticed many other practitioners going through great tribulations. I kept on remembering Masters words "At each new level a group of people fall down." And I kept telling Master that I would not fall. Then I bit down on my teeth and carried on.

Then one day my heart broke when I was sharing experiences with other practitioners about improving as one body. And I realized in my seemingly righteous promise to Master that I would not fall down that I was only concerned about myself. At that moment, it was as if all the times I chose not to help other practitioners lay right before me and I felt and understood the term "eternal regret".

I held on to a very Daoist way of thinking. Sometimes I would point out other practitioners' attachments in a very direct and bold way without thinking of their feelings. If they did not accept it, I would use other ways to make their attachments known to them. I was the youngest child in my family and very good at irritating people. So if I saw an attachment that a practitioner did not want to accept, I would tease them in a very indirect way to bring this attachment to the surface. I would say things in the exact way they didn't want to hear it and say the things they didn't want to hear so as to stir their attachment, as if it was in a blender. I would try to bring them to the point just before boiling and keep them there as long as I could to help them see their attachment. Or I would just continue to poke at their attachment with a needle over and over again in attempt to bring the practitioner to their threshold of their endurance. If a practitioner tried to find a way out by blaming someone, I would pull out my pin to poke at him or her some more. I kept waiting for them to see their attachment. During all this, I would repeat some of Master's words about Dao's "Harsh as they may be they are not bad."

I cannot say that this is 100% wrong as I sincerely wanted to help them and the effect was good at times, but the mentality that I used created many unhealthy phenomena. For those close to me, please know that I am also naturally an irritating person and it is not at all intentional. Yet I didn't look inside for why I couldn't help practitioners to see their problems. I blamed them as narrow-minded and used cold ways to point things out to them.

Similar to my manner of helping practitioners, choosing practitioners to help was very much like a Dao as well. I would choose the Dafa disciples that I thought were good or outstanding. Furthermore, I had a strong affinity to the Dao before I began to cultivate in Dafa. But at the time I first obtained Dafa, it just seemed like the natural next step in my process in life. But this is wrong as cultivation in Dafa is the first step and nothing from the old universe can prepare you for it. Another unhealthy phenomenon was my inability to involve other practitioners in truth clarification work.

I remember the time when I was involved in preparing a legal case against the head of the evil, his cohorts and the 6.10 Office. Although I was aware that I would be heading this project, I did not foresee that the other practitioners would become too busy to offer any help. As time went on, I asked other practitioners for help different but they were too busy. Every time someone could not help me, it became a test to determine if I could still step out, do it on my own and continue. But instead of believing that the task was impossible for me to do alone, I remembered what Master said, "If it is impossible you just give it a try and see if it is possible" (Zhuan Falun, chapter 9). So I continued to persist and in the end I had almost completed everything by myself. I received help on numerous things but it felt as if the task was primarily done on my own.

Although it was good that I was able to continue amidst the pressure, I now realized that the old forces arranged the incident. That time period was very busy and this is why I was left virtually on my own. I treated it as a test for self-cultivation rather than an attack on Dafa. Why did I not involve other practitioners who were not so busy. It would have given them an opportunity, but I never had this type of thinking.

I used to think that my yuanshen was a Dao because my affinity for the Dao started before I began practicing cultivation in Dafa. I always felt a familiarity when Master would describe Daos or the Dao School. That is not completely wrong yet I treated those feelings with sentimentality and allowed the old forces to use it to separate me from other practitioners. Master's teachings and example of complete selfless compassion and divine mercy for all beings is clear and is one thing that requires very little enlightenment. It is simply clear as day, yet I did not meet this standard and interfered with the unity of our one body.

One day in Toronto's weekly large scale group study, I was looking inside myself while the entire room was going through a huge tribulation and I asked myself why I cared so little about the group's tribulation. It was good that my heart was unmoved but if my family of practitioners is having a problem why didn't I care? So I began to search my heart to find the problem.

There it was as clear as day, even if I was a Dao. Should I be holding myself to their requirement- a requirement of the old universe, a deviated universe? Was that the mighty virtue of Dafa? That was not absolutely so. I could see my sentiment for the Dao but more importantly I saw that the manner I treated Falun Dafa was not correct. Earlier I said that my obtaining Dafa just seemed like the natural next step in my process in life. But this is wrong as cultivation in Dafa is the first step and nothing from the old universe can prepare you for it neither can they guide you along this sacred path.

I always felt alright because I did not come to Dafa to listen to some theories, have illnesses cured or develop some supernormal abilities. I came to genuinely practice cultivation to high levels. Later I tried to follow Master's teachings to validate Dafa and save sentient beings. Yet part of me still held onto my previous notions of when I obtained Dafa because I did not see what was wrong with them. Sitting there with my eyes welling with tears and my heart smiling to Master, I remembered that Master was "teaching us the cultivation part" of our school, and that our school is as large as the universe itself, maybe larger and surely goes beyond cultivation. Solely treating Dafa as a form of cultivation was a great omission for the old forces to take advantage of my loopholes. Furthermore, I held to past ways of thinking. As I mentioned earlier, I was trained to do things single-mindedly. It may have helped in the past but it is something that I should no longer hold on to.

Indeed, I realized that Dafa is the Law of the Universe and as Master said in his article "Verification" that Dafa is "the cause that brought about the formation of matter." I understood the importance of saving sentient beings and validating Dafa during Fa-Rectification. But there was part of me that was still not clear. That uncultivated part was more than enough for the old forces to interfere with the Fa-Rectification.

Part of the reason this happened to me is also because I sometimes put too much weight into what I have enlightened to and what I have learned over the course of cultivating during the Fa-Rectification. Although I was changing my mentality quite fundamentally during my cultivation in Dafa, it was largely based on a framework of my previous understanding of cultivation. I then allow it to dictate my future decisions or use it as a criterion for future situations. But I failed to look inwards and evaluate situations according to Dafa. In some respects, treating things as just cultivation or just doing things and completing them is not enough and may be the arrangement of the old forces.

Master has made the principles so clear but nothing more clearly than the simple words of "fundamentally changing our ordinary human mentalities." Yet a very high-level god can view a Tathagata as being something like an ordinary being. Then to what extent do Dafa disciples need to change their mentalities?

Recently, I came to understand something when I opened Guiding the Voyage and I read Master's words on page 1, "When any being in this cosmos has enlightened to his Fa, his principles, or his Attainment Status, no matter at what level, he has to go through a truly serious test. This determines whether what he has enlightened to can hold ground in this cosmos, and it establishes his mighty virtue."

Isn't our understanding of Dafa as future enlightened beings our Fa and our principle? When Master said "no matter at what level," I understand it in two ways. A being at any level must face serious tests but that also means that at each new level in our cultivation, we will face serious tests all the way to the end.

Master said that we should "Look at Things With Righteous Thoughts", "Send Forth Righteous Thoughts", cultivate in an open dignified and righteous manner. So then how serious is the issue of ensuring the quality of our righteous thoughts and ensuring the quality of our progress within the Fa rectification?

I feel that Master has answered that question for us when he explained how many particles he has and in what way his relationship is with the universe and the Dafa during his North American tour. In other words, the future relies on us.

Master said in the poem Foretelling:

"…The Dafa disciples
Ascending to the heights of the heavens
In control of heaven and earth,…"

Together as a family as One Body, in the time we have left, lets make the future a brighter and more magnificent future.