PureInsight | December 21, 2009
[PureInsight.org] Two practitioners in my town were planning their children’s wedding ceremony. I asked my wife, who’s also a Dafa practitioner, to send gifts. My wife thought that this was a manifestation of my emotion. I said that I knew it was emotion, but since they had helped us a lot while we were being persecuted, it was now an opportunity to thank them.
My wife went out, but she came back very soon. I asked why. She said, “I left a gift there and didn’t wait for the lunch.” I was unhappy when I heard she sent only one gift. My wife said, “If it really bothers you, you can go ahead and send more gifts.” I said, “It’s not necessary.” But I didn’t let it go in my mind. Obviously, my attachment of emotion was very strong.
My wife saw my unhappy face and suggested, “Let’s go out to clarify the truth.” So we rode our motorcycle heading to the north. Along the road there were many cargo trucks. I said, “We should have brought some CDs with us. These truck drivers aren’t local.” My wife said, “We’ll keep that in mind next time. Today let’s not go inside the village. We can just clarify the truth along the road.” (Recently a fellow practitioner was arrested when he clarified the truth in the village.)
I saw few people along the road so I kept driving. Very soon we were 20 miles away from home. My wife said, “Stop now. The village is ahead.” I said we could just visit a fellow practitioner there. My wife said, “I don’t think it’s the right time to visit them. You’ll put pressure on fellow practitioners.” (The evil party just had a meeting requesting that each village monitors its local practitioners closely.) I didn’t answer but accelerated instead. I thought Dafa disciples should have righteous thoughts and righteous actions and we should not take the evil party’s activities seriously. My wife kept silent. Soon we arrived at a practitioner’s home. We shared some experiences. The practitioner asked me to drop by another elderly practitioner’s home because her cultivation state was not good due to sickness karma. So we went there also.
At 5pm we left for home. My wife didn’t talk after we got home. It seemed that she was still upset with me, so I didn’t say anything. After a while she said to me, “I apologize. I shouldn’t be upset with you. I should forgive you.” I said, “I wasn’t right. Why are you apologizing to me?” She said, “I have to remind you of something. You are too attached to yourself. You always want to make the decisions and won’t listen to anyone else’s suggestions. You even treat me like this; I can only imagine how you treat others. You command others all the time. You haven’t paid attention to this during your cultivation.” Then she added, “We are one body. No matter what we do, we should coordinate well to form one body. That way we will become more powerful.”
I was shocked by my wife’s words because she had never talked to me so seriously before. I walked to the window, recalling my cultivation path over the last ten years. My most obvious and severe problem was that I didn’t study the Fa solidly. I didn’t know how to cultivate myself and I treated Dafa projects like an everyday person’s job. I got busy running around doing things. However, as a matter of fact, my old attachments were not discarded, and new attachments were emerging like the attachment to being in charge, the mentality of showing off, the attachment of zealotry, jealousy, the competitive mentality, resentfulness, feeling uneasy, the attachment of comfort, etc. In the final analysis, I was attached to myself and validated myself. Master already told us, “To tell you the truth, the entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture One, “Genuinely Guiding People Toward High Levels” ). How many attachments have I discarded?
I had worked as a leader in the evil party for over thirty years. You could imagine how badly I was poisoned. After I cultivated Falun Dafa, I unknowingly took the bad habits I developed in the evil party into the coordination work in Dafa projects. No wonder fellow practitioners often reminded me of my evil party culture. Sometimes I didn’t even notice it. I knew that the root of those attachments and human notions was acquired postnatally and from the poisonous elements instilled by the evil party, but I didn’t pay attention and look within to cultivate myself.
Today, benevolent Master hinted to me again using this incident. I realized how strong my attachments and human notions were. When looking back all these years, in our local area, the coordination during validating the Fa and saving sentient beings was not good. The misunderstandings and conflicts between fellow practitioners have remained for a long time. Many practitioners were persecuted when clarifying the truth. All of these had something to do with my attachments and human notions. Doing Dafa projects with attachments and human notions is irrational, immature, and careless. It brings harm to Dafa and brings tribulations to fellow practitioners. There have been too many lessons that were learned at the cost of blood.
Recently, Master said in the lecture, “Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference,” “Looking within is a magical tool;” “Be considerate of others when you do things, and look at yourself when you get into disagreements,” and “Make sure to examine yourselves often as you cultivate.” Master also long ago taught us the Fa principles that any human mind can’t be taken to the heavens, “You can only reach Consummation after you have abandoned all of your attachments and none of them remain.” Without getting rid of attachments, it is hard to transform into gods. I should cultivate diligently and get rid of my attachments and my human mindset.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2009/9/11/61559.html
