PureInsight | July 30, 2007
[PureInsight.org] Yesterday
during Fa study and sharing, a practitioner talked about her experience
breaking through tribulations with righteous thoughts. While listening,
I actually felt disgusted in my heart and thought that what she said
sounded so good, but I saw that she was actually so much worse in some
aspects. "How dare you still show off here?" I thought. I even shocked
myself by this thought. Recently, I have felt that I am having more and
more bad thoughts and they are getting worse and worse. Although I know
that this is one of the phenomena that occurs when we are cultivating
towards the surface, I sometimes will follow it. I know that noticing
these thoughts that do not conform to the Fa is improvement and getting
rid of them is actually cultivation. The things we encounter when
cooperating with fellow practitioners in doing projects for Dafa are
all opportunities for cultivating ourselves. I have realized more and
more that looking inward is the path from being human towards becoming
a god and improvement truly lies in one's thoughts.
I can see that many practitioners are busy with Dafa projects and are
exhausting all their strength. Sometimes they have a hard time getting
along with others just because of a single thing. I feel that I can
understand their suffering. I remember when I was in mainland China and
the environment was very vicious, I was so afraid that, when I was
alone, I would keep trembling without stopping as my mind was filled
with thoughts about policemen coming to arrest me. When I was reading Zhuan Falun,
a voice told me to give it up, saying that if you do not practice you
will be released and live an ordinary life. Gods and such things are
all false. Haven't many people been persecuted to death? If everything
is false, it is not worth doing it.
Back then I knew those thoughts were thought karma, because I clearly
knew that the thought was not from my main consciousness. I held the
book and cried and criticized myself for being good for nothing. I saw
what Master has borne for me, so I couldn't possibly give up
cultivation and let Master's work end in vain. Back then I was aware
that I just had to be persistent in cultivation and would hold out
biting my teeth. I was waiting for the Fa-rectification to end so I
could start a happy life. Opening the book, I saw Master's picture.
Tears gushed down my cheeks.
I stepped out of myself and, looking at my human side struggling
bitterly, I asked myself several questions. First, from a human
perspective, why do I practice Falun Gong even though I face a threat
to my life? Second, why do I give up everything to clarify the truth
instead of using the money to enjoy life? Why are there so many Dafa
disciples being sentenced to jail, persecuted, forced out of their
homes and wondering about with their families broken and their loved
ones persecuted to death? Third, is it true that I took Falun Gong as
my hobby when there was no persecution and I was not clear on Fa
principles and didn't know at all what I was doing and why I was doing
it even though I continued to cultivate after the persecution started?
These questions made me speechless. Yes, it was time for me to be
clear-minded. Why do I continue to cultivate even I am so afraid to I
can't stop trembling? What am I cultivating? What am I asking for from
Master and from the Fa? Why am I afraid? Why do I feel I am suffering?
Why do I feel so much pain in my heart when I face people's eyes filled
with misunderstanding when they knew I was a Dafa cultivator?
I read Master's books and kept on asking myself why. I became more and
more clear that while I was reading the Fa for so many years, I didn't
take it into my heart with one hand holding onto my human side and
another hand onto my divine side. I would be living like a human if my
divinity was false and I would be a god if my divinity were real. How
ridiculous was I? In the seven and half years of cultivation in
mainland China, I was in a state of half believing and half being
suspicious When I was suspicious, I denied all the sacred scenes I had
seen.
I said to a fellow practitioner after coming overseas that I had just
come into the door of cultivation after eight years of practicing. My
enlightenment quality is very poor. When I was in mainland China, I
sometimes dreamed of being arrested and signing the repudiation
documents. That was truly my state of cultivation: blindly cultivating
without clearly knowing what it was for. It was only because of
Master's protection, one time after another, that I could escape from
danger and be safe. A young practitioner once said to me that Master
could do anything but I couldn't always truly believe in that. I know
that looking inward is the basic requirement Master sets for
cultivators and these three simple characters describe the path from
human to godhood for us. Whenever I encountered tribulations, these
three characters always helped me come back to the path of cultivation
and I knew that I had been breaking through to different levels.
In China, I met a practitioner who had just come out of prison. She
suffered a great deal while being in the prison and was disappointed
with our states after she came out. She said to us, "You sought comfort
too much. Do you know what hardships we suffered?"
Her tone of voice at the time was very proud and one of our
practitioners said: "You stayed in prison for three years and missed
the most critical time in Fa-rectification. We have to send forth
righteous thoughts for you everyday. I ask you: is it ok for you to
work for the CCP in prison while we were clarifying the truth on the
street? It's true we have the attachment of seeking for comfort, but
should Dafa disciples suffer hardships and have nothing to eat? Don't
you think you are very selfish?"
They started to argue and the practitioner who just came out of the
prison left with tears and anger. I asked the other practitioner to
please calm down and both of them to act like cultivators. But the
practitioner said to me: "I can't be like you and see her attachment
but not point it out. She just came out the prison and her tone of
voice sounds as if she has done a lot for Dafa, established mighty
virtue, and we all should adore her. If she can improve herself, it's
ok for me to go to hell."
I was very disappointed to see practitioners not compromising with each
other and not looking inwards. I said to myself that we have no hope
for a group environment and it will not work if they are all in such a
cultivation state. The faults of each of them filled my mind. Later on,
I asked myself: "Where am I? Aren't I one of the particles in
Fa-rectification? Don't I have any role in it? Why was I allowed to see
their respective attachments? Will Master demonstrate his divine power
and transform a god to hint to them? Why was it arranged for me to see
their attachments? Did I become silent just because of one sentence
said by a practitioner in a fit of anger?"
In my heart I thought that they were so bad in this aspect of
cultivation. See how tolerant I am, that I can look inward even right
in front of their argument. I treated myself as a bystander, a
bystander who only wants to improve herself. I knew that, as a third
party, we have to look inward when we see others' problems. What do we
look for? We look and see if we have the same shortcoming as they do.
But it won't do if we are limited to that. We have to see things from
the standpoint of the Fa. When people are in a maze, their quarrel will
affect things in Fa-rectification. So we have to play the role of a
Dafa disciple and not let evil take advantage of their attachments.
Later, I discussed Fa principles with one of the practitioners and she
said that she understood and the Fa had broken her attachment. Before,
they were always able to speak out the other's attachments and I felt
that they sounded reasonable. One would say the other was numb and
selfish, the other would say this person was arrogant. They all want to
change others without correcting themselves a bit. I felt more and more
that evil was next to them strengthening their notions. One day, I made
up of my mind to share with them and I felt that my righteous thoughts
were very strong. My heart was trembling as if something in it was
afraid. I suddenly realized that there is also evil in me and it was
afraid of us being together. When I put down self-ego and spoke from
the Fa, the two practitioners were both touched to tears. I felt that I
did something a Dafa disciple should do and my heart was filled with
energy.
Coming overseas, I felt lots of separation between practitioners.
Everyone was eager to do well in everything. Project coordinators have
lots of pressure and there are also lots of conflicts among the
coordinators. These are what evil wants to see. There are so many spies
overseas it seems they are very powerful and impossible to guard
against. They live in the separations between us and live in our fear.
Last night, I dreamed that spirits possessed all the monitoring
equipment of spies and they were laughing wildly when we Dafa disciples
sent forth righteous thoughts. I wondered why we couldn't eliminate
them. Another practitioner and I concentrated on sending forth
righteous thoughts with our hands on a piece of that equipment, but it
didn't work and the spirit's eyes were on me with a horrifying look.
I suddenly realized that my heart had shrunk into a clump and I was
afraid of them. Who am I? I am a disciple of the King Buddha. At the
moment, a feeling of compassion appeared in my heart. I said to it:
"You pitiful thing. You have to be eliminated." It instantly
disappeared into smoke. The other practitioner was very happy and then
I thought, "Was it my righteous thoughts or the fellow practitioner's
righteous thoughts that destroyed it? It should be mine."
I felt ashamed of my thought when I woke up. Doing things for Dafa, I
am still competing with others. If all the practitioners had become one
body, evil would have already been eliminated. Instead, we have wasted
so much time.
Although there are many spies, they have energy just because there are
spirits possessing their bodies. The spies themselves are miserable and
pathetic. When something is not appropriate to talk about, no matter
close the relationship is, even to family members, we cannot talk about
it. This is being responsible to the Fa.
What connects the practitioners are the Fa principles, which is the
channel between hearts. Here overseas, I once looked down on someone
who I thought regarded himself as being very highly cultivated and felt
that he didn't respect anyone. Looking inward, I found the attachment
of jealousy. I always wanted to put others down to prove myself to be
higher. I was always looking at fellow practitioners with picky and
critical eyes and complaining a great deal when I noticed others'
shortcomings. I knew that there were eyes in different dimensions
looking at me and looking at my ridiculous thoughts. I saw layer upon
layer of my body being covered by deteriorated notions that stopped me
from moving forward. Fellow practitioners' shortcomings discourage me
and I know that I can't melt into the Fa.
One day, a practitioner cussed at me and I was very discouraged. When
he was cussing at me, I did not feel angry at all. I knew that the
white substance landed on me, but I didn't want a bit of it. I was
discouraged, thinking that since he didn't even do well on this basic
beginning aspect as a Dafa disciple, how could Fa-rectification finish?
Long way to go and let me just wait!
I watched cartoon movies continuously for two days. While in sitting
meditation, a voice clearly said to me that you should return to the
righteous path of the Buddha Fa. I said that I hadn't left it and
wasn't I doing sitting meditation? As I finished the meditation, I
realized that I had left the righteous path of Buddha Fa and my heart
had deviated from the Fa. I lost hope in the Fa because of a
practitioner's shortcomings without remembering that cultivation is a
personal issue which one else can do for you The Fa is to save the Dafa
disciples who are up to the standard with no exceptions. He absolutely
won't go up if he has any one aspect that is not well cultivated. At
that time he won't even want to live with regret. As a fellow
practitioner our hearts will be pained and this pain will also be one
with regret.
I see a practitioner who obviously has time to participate in the
Celestial band but finds excuses to reject the instrument. I knew what
he has lost. I am aware that I obviously have time for more work for
Fa-rectification but I am not willing to do it. I know what I have
lost. I see some practitioners who suffer a great deal in xinxing
tribulations and I know that if they back up just one step, there will
be the significant improvement. I see some practitioners being carried
by ordinary people's attachments farther and farther away from the path
of cultivation. Cultivation is really in the process of tempering and
choosing with no slight mistake allowed.
When I just stepped into the door of cultivation, I went to a lower
dimension and the people there all covered their noses, saying how come
you came here so stinky. I was ashamed and had nowhere to hide. One
person said that the heavenly book could help you and I asked where the
book was. They took me somewhere and I saw the book Zhuan Falun
placed there nicely. I held the book with tears coming down my cheeks.
When I went to the lower dimension, I knew I was still not worthy of
staying there. I fell down many times on my path of cultivation and
each time I would say that I knew it was my fault but there was no
choice that the mistake had been made. A veteran practitioner once
shook her head repeatedly and kept on saying that you didn't know, and
if you knew the seriousness, no matter what, you wouldn't make the
mistake. I once was too lazy to practice the exercises, and a
practitioner said to me that if you knew the magnificent scene when
practicing the exercises, no matter how tired you were, you would still
practice. I didn't take it seriously back then.
Now, I really realize this and feel a great loss if I don't do the
exercises for even one day. Sometimes, I feel very lazy and think that
it's ok if I skip. A voice will say to me: "People really do not know
anything." I was suddenly shocked, realizing that it is because we are
in the maze that we can cultivate high. If I don't do right because I
can't see, it means that I haven't obtained the Fa and do not believe
in Master. Therefore I will never be able to see.
On the day when the truth is revealed, the positions for all the people
in the world will be determined and cultivators will also have painful
regrets. But everything will be fixed and no one will be able change it
even a little bit. There will be no use to regret. Therefore, when we
notice other practitioners' shortcomings, do not just complain about
them. One day when you see their loss, you will regret not helping them
at the time. If they do not accept your pointing out their
shortcomings, that's their own choice. If you ignore them, it will be
you who did not accomplish the duty Master has given you. One the path
of cultivation, there is nothing accidental. Master will give you
important tasks, but you do not accomplish them. Someday, you will
painfully regret what you have lost. Everything will be vividly in
front of our eyes.
Cultivation is to solidly cultivate one's heart and no one can do it
for you. Every single thought that makes us feel higher than others is
the hand of a demon that pulls us down. I hope all the practitioners
can help each other, cut off these hands of demons and help those
people who are possessed by evil spirits to be saved as soon as
possible.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2007/7/10/44739.html
