PureInsight | November 14, 2005
[PureInsight.org]
My name is "L," and I would like to share my experiences obtaining the Great Law and the subsequent changes in myself and my family.
First of all, let me mention how I obtained the Fa. In 2002 I sort of awoke from an endless merry-go-round of drinking and partying and realized I didn't remember much of my childhood. I realized I had wasted a lot of my time and that I used to be interested in a lot of things in the past. For example, matters of space and the cosmos were always a subject of my interest. I realized I wanted to change my direction, and two possibilities opened in front of me – either I could "take a look up there" by studying science, or I had a dim idea there could be some other way to do this – some inner practice. I wanted to try to reach a higher level through the way of science and started to study. In a few months I saw this would take years and there would be a lot of wandering on the side roads.
I realized that I had gone astray. I decided to follow a spiritual pathway. I bought a lot of books, which I didn't even read in the end, while my bookshelf was getting loaded. I searched the Western philosophies but I could not find any purpose in them. I searched the South and the North and everything seemed somehow remote to me. I even went through domestic tradition and all that I could find were the remains of original wisdom.
I saw I would have to study history first, and learn ancient languages. I still didn't see any point in doing it, even though I felt I would find what I had been searching for finally. At the end of 2003 I realized I had forgotten to look East as if something was preventing me from doing so. Just when I was beginning to try to choose among many Eastern practices, in the beginning of 2004, a friend of mine called me and said he met someone who practiced Falun Gong.
Just when I heard these words on the phone I knew this was it. I was trying to get more information or meet the practitioner but there were many obstacles in my way. Finally we decided to go to Prague to see the exhibition of Chinese painter Zhang Cui Ying. There I got the book, Falun Gong, and found out about the severe persecution I didn't know about before. I immediately started to read the book and it has provided me many answers to elementary questions. I knew I wanted to practice Falun Gong.
My attachments to laziness, comfort and various fears would not allow me to practice regularly and I didn't have Zhuan Falun. Even so, I felt big changes happening inside me and this manifested in my family environment as well.
My parents didn't get along well during their marriage. In the middle of 2003 our father had been away from the family for eight years already, my brother was somewhat irresponsible and kept on having arguments with my mom. I could not even get along with my mother, though we did not argue. I served my parents as a go – between, and didn't pay any real attention to anything they told me.
Then my father built our family a new house and my mother moved in. I encouraged her to do so because of my own very selfish intentions. She furnished the whole house and got used to it when my father decided she had to move away – to a flat he bought in a different city. That left very strong and painful feelings in my mother, and she started to hate my father.
My brother was not willing to do anything about this and ignored the situation, which made my mother even angrier. I still served as a go-between for my parents. In that time, there were some very dark things that showed up between my mother and father. They left our family in a desolate state. I started to work for my dad which made my mom even angrier My brother continued to ignore these problems. Finally my mother went out dressed only in black. Several times she told me she wanted to kill my father. Everything around her collapsed as if she was causing it with her dark thoughts. Right in this moment when I began to see she needed my help, I came to know about Dafa.
I started to change on the inside, but it has now become visible on the outside. I decided to visit my mom more often. Several times I came by, telling her about what I had found, but my powers were still very limited due to attachments to fear which did not allow me to speak openly about Dafa. Some changes occurred in my mother's behavior.
In the spring of 2004, a festival of esoteric music took place It was visited by several practitioners from Moravia. My mother came to visit our stand while I was walking around, and I didn't pay much attention to her. Finally I bought Falun Gong for her. She was surprised yet pleased. Then we took part in the seminar and my mother tried the first set of exercises for herself.
After this event I did not get to see my mother for a while. When I visited her next, I saw she had changed very much. I asked her whether she had read Falun Gong. She said she had, but did not consider it a solution to her suffering. I spent a long time talking with her and ever since she has been a different person. She kept making hints of aggression at my father, but that field of dark energy was gone. Around this time I bought Zhuan Falun, and realized many things I had done wrong regarding my mother. I tried to be more benevolent and kindhearted. My mother was going through big changes at this time.
In her fifties she started to study, found herself new friends and quit thinking about hurting my father. Some major changes occurred in my life as well. I kept on smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, kept going to the pub and smoking marijuana, but I could sense big changes on the inside. These were happening because I read Zhuan Falun. In spring, I found my way to my brother and forgave my father for his behavior in the past. In the summer I noticed my mom let go of a few wrong thoughts and notions, and she started to wear light colored dresses and I heard her laugh from time to time.
After the Czechoslovak Dafa Experience Sharing Conference in September 2004, I quit smoking and drinking overnight. In the course of the following 14 days I quit smoking marijuana and I felt my body starting to purify. My mother was surprised that I had simply quit all these bad habits. Yet she did not want to believe it was our honorable Teacher who helped me and that I had changed thanks to Dafa. Still I kept visiting her and talking to her, etc. In those days I started to attend the truth clarifying events. I began to read Master's jingwen, send forth righteous thoughts and cleansing myself.
My obvious attachments, which I recognized in the beginning of my cultivation, were causing very big obstacles when I tried to validate the Fa. It was my laziness, fear and desire. I kept repeating from dusk till dawn that I wanted to get rid of them. It worked, some part of these attachments got afraid and literally ran away. I thought I removed all of my attachments, which was not true, but my righteous thoughts were a lot stronger.
This change showed up on the surface. I had a strong headache for several months. I felt something beating, pushing and pressing inside of it so that it became unbearable from time to time. I told myself my body was starting be purified, and did not really care about it but still I could not balance my relationships with everyday people.
As I got rid of some of my attachments, practiced regularly and read Zhuan Falun often, some traces of it began to show close to me. At first, I did not understand what was going on, but then a few cases opened my eyes. For example my father was very unsatisfied with Czech laws, judicial norms and our government, so he often used to swear terribly. I recognized that when I practiced the exercises in the morning and had a lot of righteous thoughts, when I came to dad's office, he could not swear even if he wanted to, and he often apologized even before he started to do so.
I realized that this was the field of righteous energy and righteous thoughts of a Dafa disciple. This also awakened some of my attachments so I thought to myself that I had cultivated well. That is when my father started to swear again. I gave it a second thought and my father restrained himself. I told him several times that he was causing himself harm when he swore. My father also said that Dafa must be something splendid since it made me quit smoking and drinking, speak the truth and value my job in his office. I realized that it is our actions through which we can validate the Fa amongst everyday people.
In December of 2004, big changes occurred between my parents. My dad came to spend Christmas with us, and I felt that things were really changing. He even asked my mother whether he could spend New Year's Day with her. My mother said no, but they spent it together anyway.
I went through a very strong experience when, after a very strange night, my headache was gone and also some other sufferings of mine were suddenly relieved, and my head was suddenly all clear. This did not last for a long time, but things also showed up in my family.
I found out that my parents had met a lot of times during January, and they started to communicate again. My mom has expressed herself regarding the persecution, when I was returning from a Hongfa she asked me if I took it too seriously. I did not hesitate and started to show her the photographs of our banners, our group practice, how we clarify the truth, and how people gather to sign our petition. She did not want to see it and switched the TV on. I switched it off and started to tell her about our activities. After a while she said that what we do is good and signed the petition. I felt that it was a relief for her.
Thanks to other practitioners I started to realize my attachments and to remove them. Those were the same attachments as in the beginning. I did not remove their roots. I only weakened but did not remove them. My father came up with the idea of employing my mom and she agreed. Since then, I have felt that our family sticks together again.
My mother has changed even more. Some time ago, when I read an article entitled, "My Relatives Do Not Practice Dafa" I found out I did not have enough righteous thoughts regarding my relatives. I changed my way of thinking and I thought that one day they will simply begin to practice. That's when my mom asked me if I could teach her how to fold paper lotus flowers so that she could help us somehow. Then she visited our regular group exercises. From this and from some other righteous thoughts on my mind which became a reality, I found out how righteous thoughts are important and that they can rectify all abnormalities.
This transformation of myself and my family, especially of my mother, made me understand the massive power of Dafa and the words of our Teacher that the inside shows up on the outside. If we see some attachments around us it is probable that these are our own attachments which we can't distinguish because they belong to ourselves. If we understand this and always look on the inside we can validate the Fa better and do the three things we are supposed to do better. So we can also follow our way to Consummation.
