PureInsight | October 11, 2004
[PureInsight.org] Master teaches us to be clear-headed. I would like to center on this topic in my discussion of my cultivation experiences and understanding.
I obtained the Fa in China about ten years ago, when I was about ten years old. Even though at the time I liked Dafa very much, because of my young age and also some other factors, I did not formally begin my cultivation. However, I loved reading Zhuan Falun, and because I was young and relatively pure, Master's teachings imprinted deeply inside my heart, forming a valuable foundation for the future.
After I moved to America and as I got older, I wanted more and more to genuinely cultivate. At that time, the state that I was living in and also the state that I later moved to both did not have any Dafa contact persons. I picked a city from a state nearby that I was more familiar with, and contacted one of the Falun Dafa contact persons there by email and also by phone. Over the years, that practitioner has helped me whole-heartedly as though he is an older brother to me. He has helped me very very much. I feel that my thankfulness for what he did for me cannot be properly expressed in ordinary human words.
Even though during those times, I learned a lot and understood a lot more than I used to, I still had a big problem —- I did not know how to truly manifest the high level laws I learned into my everyday life in ordinary society. In other words, I did not know how to balance the relationship between the two sides. Oftentimes I simply isolated and hid the high level understandings from my ordinary life. I was stuck on this for a long time. At that time, I did not realize that I was stuck. All I knew was that I often felt sad for no apparent reason and that I did not dive into my life with enthusiasm. It was as though there was an invisible barrier between me and the rest of the world. On the outside, I lived normally like everyone else, but on the inside, I never placed as much importance on things that happened in life as other people did. I valued more being quiet by myself and thinking, but thinking about what? I cannot describe what. I just know my heart was somewhere far away.
In high school, Master's Fashen arranged for me to meet a special friend. Even though he was not a cultivator, his strong passion for the search for the true cultivation way, or truth, deeply touched me. My communications with him quickly broke the barrier between me and the world, and I began to change. The wall that had caged me from life was cracked and crumbled, and it would never be able to control me again. My changes during that time were dramatic and fast, like a flood, quick and forceful. It brought the real me into the world. I cannot describe the miraculous feeling of that time, it was as though I was reborn in this world, or that I had awakened.
It was like this, that I began my real life of cultivation.
I was in my senior year in high school; I used the opportunity of being there to do a lot of Dafa work. I found that, as long as I had the wish to help all those around me, then Master would for sure arrange the opportunities. Because of Master's arrangements, I had chances to introduce Dafa, teach the exercises, and clarify the truth in many classes, and I also did a signature petition to give to government officials. The results were good, from the principal, counselor, and teachers to the students, many people there have heard me talk about Falun Dafa. My thought at that time was very simple -- I wanted to help those people around me. Because I was the only practitioner there, I was their only hope at that time. In their lives there is nothing more important than Dafa, so, according to my logic, if I did not help them, it would be like seeing people dying and doing nothing -- it would be unacceptable. Because I saw them as valuable beings, I did not use the view of ordinary people to see them -- whether they were my teachers or not, or my classmates or not, it did not make any difference in my eyes. Because I was motivated by this sense of responsibility to clear-headedly use wisdom to do things, my motive was simple but very steadfast, so I did not have interference and losses. Actually, using clear, simple, righteous understandings to do things is the easiest, most effective way. It is like what Master said, "The great cultivation way is simple but profound." (Zhuan Falun).
One time, I taught my English class the First Exercise. My English teacher was very happy, and suggested that the whole class practice this every time before we take writing tests, so that we would be energized. When she first said this, I was taken by surprise and did not say anything. However, after quickly thinking, I decided that a serious cultivation practice should not be used simply to energize people, as it is not respectful. So, the second time that my teacher said that, I asked her if I could please speak to the class a little. I explained to them briefly that, Dafa has supernatural results is because it has supernatural laws, in order to really practice it, one has to learn about those laws. Since it is a serious practice, and also that way is best for everyone. I used compassion to tell them calmly, but I did not know if they would understand. After class, my teacher told me that I had won respect from the class, and I felt reassured. When Dafa disciples treat things and people with dignified compassion, they should certainly win respect.
All of my friends say that I have changed. They said that I became happier and wiser. Yes, it is Master's Fa that gave me wisdom, and Dafa gave my life miracles and meaning, so I was happy. This is the real happiness that only true cultivators can understand.
That year, I went with my mother to visit a nearby state. There, Master arranged for me to meet fellow practitioners in person for the first time. I can remember today clearly the happiness I felt at seeing them; it was as though I saw family. I did not know them before, but when I saw them, I felt that they looked familiar. Even though I did not have time to talk much with them, the very chance to see practitioners, to me at that time, was rare and valuable. Now that I look back, I really feel that it should be treasured. Maybe people just have this bad habit of only treasuring things that are hard to obtain. Now I live in an environment where I see practitioners every day, and I am used to it without thinking about it. Actually, we should try to treasure our predestined relationships. Don't take things for granted just because they came easily, it does not make them less valuable.
Soon after, the state that I was living in had a new Western practitioner in another city. Even though we lived in different cities, we still helped each other and collaborated, and improved together. Sometimes, we would discuss ideas and then do Dafa work in our own respective city. We also studied the Fa on the phone and shared experiences. Sometimes he drove to my city to help do Dafa work. Even though we had only two people, and did not live very close, we did not feel hindered by our situation. I learned from that period of cultivation that, one or two people can truly accomplish a lot. Fellow practitioners, please do not try less because there are practitioners around, or feel inferior, because there is so much one person can do.
Of course, I am a cultivator, which means that I still have many shortcomings. For example, in the area of my family, I could not view it righteously for a long time. Family is a structure that is there ever since a person's birth, therefore it is easy to be caught up in it one way or another, and view it unrighteously. Before, I would say things like how my parents could not understand me, how they were unacceptable in some ways, how they did things really badly in some ways, and it would sound as though it made sense. However, they were all excuses for me to not look inward. Ordinary humans just have this set of expectations, they expect their parents to be like this and that, expect their husband or wife to be this and that, they expect other relatives to be this way or that way, and even compare them with other people's families. If one looks down deep into one's heart, then this person will discover that underneath all those thoughts is simply selfishness. One wants relatives to conform to one's expectations this way or another in order to satisfy one's thinking and emotions. People are not so much like that with non-family members only out of politeness. Master did not say that —- nothing is an accident except for family matters. Why is it that when it came to family I just completely used ordinary people's way to view it? I even felt that my parents were the ones who should change. For a long time, I would think that way, and not be responsible for my family. Master would give hints to me by using my family's words to point things out, but I still did not look inward.
However, there was one time that I deeply learned what is truly being responsible for my family. That time, because of my thought that my family would not understand what I was going to do, I did something important related to Dafa behind their back. They found out and were very angry, and evil used this chance also to interfere by creating unhappy events to mess up their mood, to make them more irritated. At first, I was worried and afraid, but later, I realized that I must face this righteously. After I came back home, my family members, besides my father who did not know what exactly I had done, all knew what happened. Because I had eliminated my attachment of fear, they did not throw a fit but only talked with me. The next day I had to talk to my father. I had previously communicated little with him because of his bad temper and yelling; I was unaware of this, but deep down I was afraid of him. But this time the situation was very serious, and I forced myself to think about the situation clear-headedly. I thought that, if my father found out what I did, he would not understand it; it would cause him to have deep misunderstandings against Dafa, which would be very bad and dangerous for his life. At that time, I was truly thinking for his well being, for his life, and was not thinking of protecting myself, when I wanted to help him understand. Because I was thinking truly for him, I walked into his room with compassion and not a single trace of fear. To my surprise, he who normally throws a fit at small things, simply calmly said to me that, he doesn't want to know what I did, but simply wants me to learn from this and grow up a little. I felt that what he said was truly a miracle. From that incident, I learned that cultivators should not use ordinary people's mindset to view things. After we understand things with the Fa and act accordingly, our surroundings will also change, some times absolutely surprisingly. After I understood that, I began to be nicer to my mother. Previously, we had a very bad relationship, but now we are much closer. Dafa truly changed everything, and made my family a warmer place. Only when I truly gave up myself could I whole-heartedly love my family with compassion. At that time, I found that, actually, family members are also just valuable beings waiting to be helped. Don't let the structure of relationships in this society prevent us from seeing the real situation. For example, if a practitioner is a child, he might be used to having the expectations that his parents have to be responsible, and should do this or that. In actuality, as a cultivator, he understands far more than his parents and actually should be responsible for them. The parents are just beings who came for the Fa, but the disciple they meet happened to be their child. This child may be caught up in the relationship and not help them understand Dafa at all, which would be very unfortunate for those beings. So when it comes to our family situation, it is important for us to be clear-headed.
I have a funny little story related to my family. I am very tall, and because I am a girl, my mother does not like for me to be tall. She even dragged me to the hospital to see if there was anything that could be done to stop me from growing. At first because she insisted so strongly, I just went along with her. I felt that I was not attached to anything; if she really wanted me to go then I would go. Of course, the hospital could not do anything. They simply said that, from the X ray, it looks like that I would not be growing more. But after a while, my mother said that I was still growing and wanted to take me to the hospital again. I thought, I can't let this keep dragging on and on. So I said — I did not grow. She did not believe me and wanted to measure me. Over several months, each measure was shorter than the last. The last measure was shorter than the measure from several years ago by quite a noticeable bit. I did stand straight, so my mother could not figure out why it was like this, and she simply stopped complaining about my height. My height did not really shrink either, but it simply could not be measured, at that time I felt it was very funny.
I graduated high school with good grades, and to my surprise, was a valedictorian. I got accepted to many prestigious universities and it was time for me to pick a school. At that time, I thought, wherever I go is already decided by Master, I will just wait for him to tell me by seeing his hints. I also thought clearly that, I will go wherever that I was meant to, whether it is a prestigious place or not. I am not attached to that, and I do not want evil to interfere with choosing my road. Master teaches us that we should think of others first. So I realized that, if I leave this city, there would be no practitioners here. There are still people in this city that need my help, so I started thinking that I want to stay. When I found out that my grandparents would soon be moving here from China, along with some other things, I decided that it looks like I'll definitely be staying. At that time, because in the past, my family environment was very difficult, many practitioners thought that I should just move to a place with more practitioners to go to school there. My logic was not like that. Actually, because there are family problems, I should stay and try to help them by improving. And surely, my mother told me, because my grandparents are coming, I will go to the local university for a year and then move away.
At that university, I had a full scholarship that included housing, so I could live at school and drive home on weekends. I had my own place and a car, and that gave me a lot of convenience. At college I also clarified the truth to give chances to the students there. I did not want to forget about other people in the city, so I went to talk with the government officials who represent them. But most importantly, I did not want to forget about the Chinese people there, who were most likely poisoned by lies.
After talking about it, the Western practitioner and I decided to deliver the Chinese-language newspaper that carries some information about Falun Gong, Epoch Times. Our area's newspaper is weekly. Every weekend when I went home I drove from one end of the city to the other. I didn't go in a straight line, so my way back could pretty much cover the newspaper delivery route. My city had a good number of Chinese people, but their locations were quite dispersed. There was no Chinese market and the biggest market there was Vietnamese. I went all around the city at first to mark down all the Asian markets and most of the Chinese restaurants, and then I began to deliver papers. To the big places I went every week, the small ones once every several weeks. There were over twenty places. I always took joy in delivering those papers, and never got tired of doing it. Every time I delivered them it felt like a new experience, I guess because helping others simply feels that good. There was one worker at a Chinese restaurant who obtained the Fa because of the newspaper. After she obtained the Fa, she moved away. I also gave papers to my family, and my boss, who is a teacher. She loved the newspaper and told me that it is a paper that tells the truth, and told me to give her more. I truly feel thankful towards the newspaper, for its effort has helped so many Chinese people. One time I heard some Chinese people speaking and realized that they thought my city had many Falun Gong practitioners. Never would they guess that it was only one, and only a young person.
After that, my city had a new practitioner just in time since I had to leave for the next school year. Then I could leave without feeling worried. That year was also when I first saw Master, at my first Fa Conference. That feeling, I am sure everyone knows and I do not need to describe.
When I came to the new place, it was completely out of compassion and wanting to help the people there that I went. I did not think about anything else. When it came to actually doing it, however, things were not so simple. I found that this place was complex, messy and dirty. The people there were noticeably more complex than the people I was used to seeing, and some are even twisted or really bad; there were many bad things. Cultivating here, I have learned many new things and have found many of my shortcomings. I hope that I will be able to do better here in the future.
This state has many Chinese people, so I wanted to meet them in order to help them. I quickly became Secretary at a Chinese student organization and met many Chinese people, which provided a good foundation for clarifying the truth to them in the future. In my cultivation state, it is not usually bad for me if I am with ordinary people. Actually, I viewed them as though they were my relatives because I wanted to help them. Because I come with a genuine heart, many of them like me and see me as one of their own. Actually, it is unfortunate that they often do not know that all Dafa disciples are their people, their family. Master says that all of his disciples are his family, so we could view all the people we see in our lives as our family. Some practitioners withdraw from ordinary society in their cultivation; actually, it is not good or necessary all the time. In truth, if you can put down the ordinary attachments, then you are already not in their world. Dafa is a practice that points straight at the heart.
When communicating with fellow practitioners we should also be compassionate, since compassion is ever lasting and does not change. It is not true that it's not necessary to be compassionate amongst "our own people." At the same time, we should also be wise and clear-headed. This way, we can see things with the Fa in mind and it will reduce a lot of losses. I found that, oftentimes in my cultivation, obvious attempts at conflict by someone or something is done by someone or something that was supposed to have some good effect in the near future. For example, the practitioner who is most different from me, that I have the hardest time understanding, after I could understand him and communicate with him well, was the practitioner who helped me the most. Therefore, when we face situations, we should remain clear-headed to not be moved by emotions: that is the only way we can make rational, wise decisions. When we are moved, it is easy for evil to take advantage of the situation. When interacting with ordinary people, we should have boundless compassion and include them, instead of trying to judge them with our thinking or set of values. When we judge people in that way, evil can easily interfere, and perhaps in our one instance of fit of emotion, this being would have lost his chance forever.
Cultivators should also be clear-headed on another point, which is, to be clear-headedly improving on the Fa. Sometimes, we are used to using the ordinary people's way of logic to look at cultivation. For example, a practitioner may be good at talking, he can make his ideas sound very logical, and then add in some cultivation concepts. It may sound very good, but may not necessarily be anything at all. When we hear what other practitioners say, we should not emotionally support them without thinking clearly. If we do that, we are unintentionally applauding human logic, and also we make the speaker even more attached to himself. We are Dafa disciples, we should learn from the Fa. No matter what others say, we should judge from the Fa to see if it has true sense or not, not judge by human logic if it is logical or not, otherwise we may not jump out of humanness. Therefore, we should clear-headedly improve on the Fa.
I am twenty years old. I wanted to tell everyone this because I would like to encourage the younger practitioners to actively push themselves. Do not let age, which is simply a number, restrain your improvement. And I also hope older disciples do not have low expectations of little disciples.
When I wrote this experience paper, I benefited greatly from the process of writing. So I would like to encourage other practitioners to also write experience papers, as it benefits both others and ourselves.
I also wanted to say that, sometimes my cultivation state is not good and I feel really discouraged. I think how hard things are and so on. During those times, I like to think that Master thinks I can do it. If I could never make it through those tribulations, Master would never arrange it that way for me. So no matter how hard it looks, the fact is, Master thinks that if I try my best and do well, then I can make it. Whenever I think of that, it almost feels like Master is encouraging me, and it makes me feel much better. Everyone, let's never forget that Master is beside us at all times!
In the end, I would like to wish everyone to succeed and reach Consummation!
